Love, Grief and long distance relationship

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24-10-12, 06:53 AM
YMissy

Love, Grief and long distance relationship

Hi, I'm new here but I came here to share my story I really need some advice...

My apology for writing a whole book on text I really hope someone can help me or give his or her insights about my situation.

My boyfriend and I have a long distance relationship. Both our home-situations are not stable and that's also the reason why we are unable to move in together.

Simply said a dear loved one of mine passed away in a tragic matter which just made me fall in an emotional breakdown. I couldn't talk to anyone for a week and then I tried to talk to my love but he simple was annoyed because I "ignored him" for a week. I tried another attempt but I was so upset I did not want to burden him with my feelings and sadness. It was then that I talked to another guy online who I am not interested in whatsoever. Somehow it clicked, he told me his father passed away and I could really talk to him.

This resulted in my days of grief that I talked to my boyfriend and had to urge to relief my sadness with another guy after. I was so broken apart I had to talk to someone and I felt like nobody was there for me. After time passed things escalated and the guy I shared my sorrow with started to be interested in me and eventually threaten me If I did not give him attention. I told my boyfriend already in that time the truth when I was able to deal with my grief slightly better but it was so difficult.

This eventually resulted that my boyfriend till this day (months later) feels betrayed and brings it up in every fight. It was because I chosen another person to talk to about my sorrow and that I ignored him for that.

He does not seem to understand that I was undergoing trough so much grief that I really needed someone to listen.

I have a lot of arguments and issues with my boyfriend at this time because he barely shows up or shows up late for appointments we have made (calls etc). Every time he has a "legit" excuse ready and when I am angry and let my emotion out he doesn't reply to this. Then I go more in my anger and keep talking but he simply ignored/doesn't reply to what I am saying. After that he gets really annoyed and angry and blames me for flaming him and uses vulgar language like shut the **** up and starts swearing for everything and nothing.

I understand I talk to much but he just doesn't reply and I do not know what he means. Sometimes he says sorry once but that's it nothing more. What he does while we argue is bringing up the fact that I spend time ignoring him and talking to someone else as if I betrayed him. Nothing I tried makes him understand that I went trough grief so great that his ignorance and anger at that time was to much for me to handle. I needed something to hold on to.

I truly love him and I really want our relationship to work, do not misjudge him for what you read him now, I know his anger issues come from trauma and further then words it won't come, he will never lay a finger on me.
I want to help him but also myself because I cannot carry this burden, this feeling of that he thinks I betrayed him.. I want him to understand, I want him to let go..

Do you guys have any advice for me regarding my situation?
24-10-12, 07:16 AM
BackUpOrGetStng

Quote:

Originally Posted by YMissy [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Do you guys have any advice for me regarding my situation?

Break up with your boyfriend, and cease all contact with both of these men. Both are manipulative. Anything other than that, and you're asking for more anguish..and you will get it. I suggest you block your b/f from every means of contact, phone included, and let him figure out that he's been dumped on his own.
24-10-12, 07:59 AM
YMissy

But.. I love him.. This relationship is going on for around 3 years and its not like I haven't known man before.

I'm not an easy person either and I would really want to fight for my relationship and make it work. How can I make him stop his manipulative behavior which caused by trauma, I don't want to let him go, I want to help him and grow stronger together.

I understand you, at this rate I will hurt myself more and more but I really care for this person and I know he does as well he just doesn't know how to react sometimes.

I know and realize I tolerate him more then he does to me and my own "traumatic behavior" but that is because I do see. I do not just want to give up on him because I understand the pain he is going trough.. I do take your words serious and if it keeps going this way it's going to me my own fault for being upset etc. I just hope for some more insight/opinions.

After 3 god damn years I'm still madly in love with this person something I haven't experienced before I really want to try to fight for the relationship before giving up on him.
24-10-12, 11:06 AM
Chronicle113

I say just give him some time. Over time, people reflect not only on the situation, but themselves. Even if he doesn't show he cares, he deeply is thinking and reflecting about your dilemma. Time is a healer to overcome even the most unpleasant and uncomfortable situations. Love flows freely and smoothly. Empathy and understanding is the key to deeply know others desires and pains. People tend to want to resolve and understand their own issues before dealing with others. Although, this is a natural reaction to have and the most common. There nothing you can do to change the person. You can only influence him. Love and links of a certain loved one is not so easily broken. Though he may seem insensitive to your needs, he is at the same time keeping it in mind. Provide and be at peace with yourself first before you tackle others dilemmas. Don't worry, it will work out for you as long as you keep a positive mindset of things.
24-10-12, 11:33 AM
iamaninnocentma

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chronicle113 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I say just give him some time. Over time, people reflect not only on the situation, but themselves. Even if he doesn't show he cares, he deeply is thinking and reflecting about your dilemma. Time is a healer to overcome even the most unpleasant and uncomfortable situations. Love flows freely and smoothly. Empathy and understanding is the key to deeply know others desires and pains. People tend to want to resolve and understand their own issues before dealing with others. Although, this is a natural reaction to have and the most common. There nothing you can do to change the person. You can only influence him. Love and links of a certain loved one is not so easily broken. Though he may seem insensitive to your needs, he is at the same time keeping it in mind. Provide and be at peace with yourself first before you tackle others dilemmas. Don't worry, it will work out for you as long as you keep a positive mindset of things.

Ive got my eye on you chronicle113. Im not sure what your motives are, but im not liking your posting style.