finding it hard..

ok so me and my ex gf broke up nearly 2 months ago now. we were together for 2 years and a cuple of months and she was my first proper gf and the first girl ive loved.

we split because i never put enough effort into the relationship, although i drove down hers every weekend and was never ever nasty or cheated on her or anything. i never showed i cared enough, never was effectionate, never got her suprise gifts etc and i really should have done.

the thing is i had thoughts during the relationship, such as wanting to split up sometimes and maybe wanting someone else although there wasnt anyone else. some weekends i found myself counting down the hours so i could go back home to play my xbox or whatever which is a really bad sign i know.

but i loved and cared about her, she was really good to me and i ****ed it up. she has moved on now and is getting on with things but i just cant seem to get on with my life at the moment. its just so weird how the relationship eneded suddenly.

i have been told it is because iwas in a set routine. all i did was hang about my house during the week and go down hers of a weekend, i never saw any friends or anything.

sorry if this is abit long and confusing i just wanna hear some peoples views on the whole situation

I only joined this forum to reply to you. A lot of what you say is very similar to my situation i.e. not affectionate enough, and basically ended up taking her for granted (as did she),not really making the most of the relationship, after a few days spent in each other's company, counting down the hours so I could go home and do something else. Although like you, I did actually feel I loved and cared about her.
I think it's true though, you, I, were in a routine. They became a dependency, something that you'd always thought would be there, and now she isn't it. "You don’t realise what you’ve got until it’s gone.”
My advice would be to look at why you were thinking the thoughts before she left. Think about if she turned round and asked to try again....would things, a few months down the line really change that much?
I think, as much as it may seem a bit blunt, for me too, but let her find someone who really appreciates and loves her. And you, in time, do the same.
You’re gonna miss her of course, she was a big part of your life, but I think the sooner you start to accept it, the easier it’ll start to get. While understandable at first - don’t mope around feeling sorry for yourself for too long. You will end up getting obsessed and making her into something that really isn’t her, or worse, resenting her.
Time to, not forget, but accept, move on and find the girl who you feel like being more affectionate with and wanting to be with them etc. i.e. truly love them.