Somebody Please take the time to read my message, need Relationship advice!
Hello, This is going to be very long so bare with me, I hope you can give me some help on this matter or some advice.
I'm 16 years old, male, almost 17. I live in Ireland. I am Currently single, when I was 13 I got into a relationship and it lasted in and around 3 and a half years. About 2 and a half months ago, maybe a bit less me and my girlfriend who I loved so so much decided we would break up, it was not our first break-up so I guess i didn't expect it to turn out the way it has, I guess I thought it would follow usual procedure and we would end up right back together again. The relationship ended on mutual terms, so both of us were happy to move forward with our lives, Previous to us breaking up, she had gone on a holiday with a voluntary organisation for disabled people who she was a volunteer for. This only becomes relevant because of what happened 2 weeks or so after we broke up. The majority of the volunteers are under the age of 18, with the exception of a few parents and One 22 year old man who many of the girls who were volunteering were very fond of, including my ex girlfriend. Of course I saw nothing of it, I always saw it as a crush, like the way I might have a crush on an older celebrity or something of that nature, my girlfriend had just turned 17, so I really thought nothing of it, she would always mention to me how good looking this man was and I would take nothing from it as I expected nothing to come from it as I thought she would have had more respect for herself. Anyways, This leads me to approximately 2 weeks after the break-up, possibly 3 or 4 weeks i'm not 100% sure. I was doing completely fine without her, I had been out with a new girl a few times and i was quite content as I had something to take my mind off my ex. The topic of my ex came up as I was out with my friends, they said 'Have you heard who your ex has been going out with?' I of course said 'No' in a a joking fashion, although I really felt sick when I heard she had been going out with someone else, but of course I Played it cool in front of the lads. I asked 'who?' They told me to guess, eventually it was revealed that she had been going out with the 22 year old volunteer from the organisation she volunteers for, of course I laughed as if it meant nothing to me, but it really tore my heart to pieces. About half an hour later we found ourselves sitting around a table eating food, remarks were made back and forth amongst My friends and I about how much of a fool she is for being with someone that much older than her, when eventually there was an awkward pause around the table, my friends exchanged looks to one another, I don't remember what I had said but it was something to spark a reaction from them, I went red because I knew something was being kept from me. I kept asking 'Hey what are you guys not telling me?' They told me they would tell me when we left the restaurant, soon after we left the restaurant, i found myself alone with one of my closer friends as the other two had gone to the bathroom, looking back now they probably didn't even need to go, they just didn't want to be the ones to break the news. My friend told me that there are rumours going around that My ex girlfriend had cheated on me on the holiday abroad with the organisation, he told me that people who were on the trip had seen the two of them being more friendly than they should have, some rumours were quite extreme and went as far as saying she had sex with him, but I didn't really believe that she was the person to do such a thing, because I know her so well and we both loved eachother so much. After I was told about this I at first was quiet about it, mulling it over in my head, I then asked for my friends phone and rang my ex, we hadn't spoke in like I said about 2-3 or even 4 weeks, which although it doesn't seem like a lot, it was the longest we had ever gone without speaking in almost 4 years. I was upset and I struggled to get the words out, I said to her 'Are the rumours i hear about you true?' she at first question what I was talking about, I then said 'The rumours of you cheating on me on holiday' it was as if I was the only person who didn't know about these rumours until that day, even she knew before i could finish, she denied the rumours and you could sense how angry she was that I would believe such rumours. I wouldn't have usually believed such rumours as we had a lot of trust in one and other, but the circumstances were different this time, This was the guy she had openly said she had a crush on to me many times when we were together, and she was now seeing him after we had broken up, so I knew she had feelings for him before we broke up and now after, so of course I am going to believe such rumours when i hear that she was unfaithful towards me when she had spent 2 weeks in a foreign country with a lot of alcohol, no me, and a man she fancied. Again time passed, I hated her with a passion, I felt betrayed. Although I had no proof of such infidelity, I feel as if there were enough signs there to suggest the rumours were true, and on top of the hurt from not being 100% certain what to believe, there was also the embarrasment factor, the drama from the event spread quickly around the school and I couldn't help but feel like everyone was looking at me as 'The guy who got screwed over by his girlfriend of almost 4 years'. Another 2-3 weeks passed and I was obviously still hurt but I still had the distraction of a new girl who I had been seeing, eventually me and the new girl decided to stop seeing eachother as I didn't want another serious relationship as I am still only 16, and this is where Things started to get worse for me. The first few days without the new girl were good as I felt relieved to be 100% single again, I felt as if I had rushed into another relationship way too quick after my ex girlfriend of almost 4 years and I needed some time to be alone, and with being alone came memories....Seeing that my ex was so happy with her new life, despite the fact that in reality it should have been her feeling horrible and me on a high (in my opinion) , it made me unbelievably jealous of the new man in her life, I guess you could call it selfish that I was angry because of his age, but seriously come on? a 22 year old with a 17 year old isn't right and I was one of the many people to believe that (even some of her closest friends) anyway, the jealousy, anger and pain got too much and I decided I would break the stalemate between us, it was weird because we were the best of friends for so long, we grew up together, we were eachother's first love and we knew nothing but eachother, yet I felt like a nuisance texting her. I began with playing it cool, asking how she was etc...She seemed happy that I got in touch, I then got on to telling her that I still have so much feelings for her etc, and she wasn't replying the way she usually would have with a hint of hope for us getting back together, it was plain and simple, No. Of course she was flattered that I still felt the same but she told me that she was seeing someone else now ( not in a relationship) just seeing someone else, hearing that really hurt me, I stayed persistent and I asked her if she would see me in person, because I felt like I would stand a btter chance if I was to let her know my emotions to her face, she eventually agreed to meet me in town one night, we went and got coffee and I opened up to her, I showed so much weakness which I regret, I broke down in tears, almost begging her to consider trying with me again, which i now know was not the right move to get her back. After an hour or so of sharing opinions on the matter, it was time to go...I had prepared a letter which i had hand written the night before to give to her, just before she was about to go after we said our goodbyes I handed her the letter along with a picture of me and her which i had in my house, she looked upset because I'm guessing she knew what it contained, me basically re-establishing everything I had told her that night, How much I care for her, love her, need her in my life etc...This was a friday night i had met her on, and she had told me that night that she was going away with the organisation again, next weekend, It made me angry at the time she said it because she didn't even realise how much i hated the guy she was with and I knew he would be there on that trip again. anyway that week passed, very slowly as I hoped she would change her mind, she didn't. That weekend that she was away I asked her again could I see her because I was unbelievably paranoid that she was off with him again for that weekend, this time she was a little bit less happy about me asking, but she eventually agreed that I could go to her house, I faked an injury so I didn't have to go to training the monday after her weekend away and I had hoped that my persistance would show her how much I care, I brought her flowers and A little deck of cards with a reason why I love her on every single playing card in the deck. I arrived at her house and we eventually got talking about us, again I teared up because I wasn't getting what I wanted so bad. I questioned why I didn't deserve another chance, as I had previously given her a chance to try again with me when we broke up before, and she was the one in my position, of course I gave her a chance because I wouldn't want someone who has meant everything to me for so long to just disappear, but here I was making a show of myself and not getting anywhere. I found out that night that she had been sleeping with her new partner over the weekend, she told me, not having sex 'apparently' just sleeping in the same bed, this brought me so much rage and I told her how hurt it made me feel, and how it was far too soon to already be sleeping with another person after such a long relationship with me, we had never even slept together, i'm not saying that I wouldn't have, but the opportunity never presented itself as we were still only young. I felt so betrayed and jealous, no wonder she doesn't want me back, I can't offer her the things he can, a car, more money, and all the other perks of being an adult, I can't hep but feel that that is where the attention lies, the attraction of being with an older man, maybe I am wrong but I being a male myself wouldn't have thought any 22 year old boy has any intentions of loving and caring for a girl around 4 years younger than him, am I wrong to think that he only wants one thing off of her? She has always been very naive and I worry that he is going to hurt her, yet she claims that he isn't like that at all...Naievity??? Anyway a few days later I decided that I wanted to see her one last time, to say goodbye properly( That's what I told her to convince her to see me, when really I just wanted another opportunity to try again), I'm not one for giving up on someone who means so much to me! She came to my house one night and I lit candles and made the room as perfect as you could imagine, I went and collected her and walked her back to my house, where I said my goodbyes and gave her yet another handwritten letter, this one I stated that I will always be there for her, etc.. I could see her getting emotional reading the letter. She thanked me for everything and I thanked her, I wanted to play the 'You want something you can't have' game, by pretending I was no longer interested in trying, to which I hoped it would make her realise how much she is missing out on, but unfortunately she had the distraction of her new man, and I lost the game again, Now this brings me to 2 nights ago, after not speaking for 2 weeks or so, I was doing fine, untill new years eve, I don't know why but the occasion made me miss her so much. I sent her a text message that said 'I miss you' I was lying in bed and I couldn't resist, she gave me the same replies ' I'm so sorry but i'm seeing someone now, You need to let go' etc etc, Yes I am aware that I a have my whole life ahead of me and That what I am feeling is only temporary, but, I'm discovering new things about myself every day, and I am not of the opinion that I should give in so easily, yes I know I probably deserve better, but not being with her any more feels not only horrible because were eachother's first real loves, but we were the best friends we could have asked for, we got along so well, many of our friends we had that were in relationships at the same time as us all moved on, we were always the strongest couple and We shared some amazing memories that I will keep close to my heart forever, and to me the problems that she claims are the reason she doesn't want a relationship with me anymore are things so miniscule, thing's that can easily be fixed if we both work together. Basically her reasons for not wanting us anymore were communication break-downs, we started to see eachother less, it didn't bother me at all becuase I didn't love her any less..But she wouldn't tell me how she felt about things, she should have told me how she felt and we would have worked things out on the spot, instead she let it get to her and is still referring back to how I 'lost interest' which I know I never did. Okay I am coming to my end of my letter, thank you for sticking with me this far, I really felt in need, feeling this alone is not a nice way to live. I will leave with a paraphrased question, what is your opinion on this situation? I have been thinking of sending her a letter to her house, I am planning on taking pictures of every place that has some kind of significance to our relationship and putting them all in one big letter along with other things i can think of, and I will mail them to her maybe on our anniversary, I know this is all very far fetched but She still says she loves me, but says she gets the funny feeling me should move on, But i still believe that it's not worth giving up on,I used to tell her I want to spend the rest of my life with her, and I stick to it to this day...Do you think that the person she is seeing right now is merely a bounceback relationship? I read somewhere that most bounceback relationships only last a short period of time..Do you think that if she wasn't seeing him anymore she would have no distration and start to realise that The person who loves her most in this world has slipped out of her grasp? I would appreciate a reply, Thank you.
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