This is my escape

i hope i can use this forum to just write my thoughts on what is happening in my life because I dont have anyone to talk to about this.

I've been dating my bf for 3 and a half years, but the last 5 months we were going through troubles. He couldnt decide if he wanted to be with me anymore.One day he wanted to the next day he didnt. He put my heart through a lot of pain, so we broke up. Then about 3 months ago I met a wonderful man who I felt instant attraction towards, and he for me, there is so much chemistry between us and i have falling inlove with him.But then I found out he's my second cousin thru family and they didnt approve but we then secretly started seeing each other but my mother found out and so did his , we had to break up because the family was giving us a hard time. When my bf found out I was with someone else he realized he really loves me and want to spend his life with me and didnt want to lose me to another so we gotten back together.I think part of me only got back together with him to get over my 2nd cousin and for the family to leave me alone and be happy. But all I can think of is my second cousin. I want to be with him its breaking my heart being in a bed with a man i do not love anymore. I cant live like this.
He said he wants to get married, and just that thought makes me feel like dying.

My family is happy that Im back with my bf, they think he is good for me but im so sad. I just want to cry all the time.

I know some ppl think its wrong to fall inlove with someone who is related to you. But I've never felt this way for any other, not even my bf.

I cant speak to family or friends cause they all think that what me and my 2nd cousin was doing was wrong.

It never felt wrong , it felt good being with him. I've never been happier when i was with him.

Now im sitting here wondering why God made me fall inlove with someone I cannot be with.

God didn't make you do anything, start taking full responsibility for your actions, until you stop blaming some spectral force you'll never get a grasp on yourself.

ok firstly as far as i know it is against the law and is genetically wrong to have sex with your 2nd cousin (weirdly aparently 1st cousin is ok but NOT 2nd cousin)

secondly of course you will feel a closer bond - its the familiarity that you both have. there will be something more that draws you two together more than regular mutts but YOU can't act on this any longer knowing that he is related to you. if you were to have children they would likely have genetic problems and thats why its wrong and illegal. You have to stop thinking the way you do for your own sake.

Thank you for posting it :-)