Difficult situation needs a resolution
Hey folks, greetings from Germany :) I'd like to excuse myself for my bad english. Let me introduce myself. I'm almost 21 years old, born in a poor european country, two years ago i moved to Germany in order to study, I had absolute no idea what to do when it comes to women. I grew up in a family, where the love and the relationship between a man and a woman are totally messed up. I think I haven't seen my father kissing my mother or showing any other kind of love, as a matter of fact my father don't have any reasonable income during my whole childhood and my mother had united the all the roles in a family - raising children, earning money, taking hard decisions and so on. And she's still doing perfect :) I want to build a healthy family one day.. The last two years were hard for me in my new home. I'm studying something very hard and i'm still in finantional dependence from my mother, with freaks me out. There is a gils from my school , who is also studying in the city i live, she has been showing interest in me since the last days in school and when we came here we use to interact at parties, common friend's birthdays and so on, we use to dance together, she is going in the same gym. Our whole interaction is very slow during this two years.. And for this two long years i haven't kissed her even once - only on the chick or the neck.. girl is very pretty and attracts a lot of males, which she mostly rejects or maybe is dating with. For this two years Ive have seen her making out with two other guys, however i remember every single moment, i had the opportunity to kiss her, or even more.. After coincidental meeting in the gym, she told me about a favorite film we both share and i suggested going to her place to watch it, there was nobody home, it ended with a kiss on the chick from my side and i slept in her kitchen cos there wasn't and public transport.. This was in january.. There were numerous situations like this.. In order to increase my self confidence and persistence i red somewhere that it is a good idea not to masturbate. As you may notice I'm still virgin and i haven't kissed a women in the mouth, well only ones, but it was the girl, who was trying to take advantage of men, cos i was a little bit drunk.. I failed with my plan not to masturbate in april i remember. Since then i'm doing the same and this time i won't fail.. Here the problem - the girl i was talking about was on a vacation in my home country for almost two months. The last time we met i Germany was a disaster for me, cos she didn't come to me like usual, two weeks later i organize a bbq with common friends in order to see her once again before leaving, but she didn't attend. Since a week she is the the city again. I dropped her a message in fb, asking how is she doing on the first day she arrived. She didn't answer.. Since two days I'm feeling some pain in the ball, i suppose what is going to say the doctor, once i visit him :d :x as a meter of fact I'm going to the gym and i catch the women's eyes on the streets, however my brain is blocked and i can't do anything to interact with others.. There are some girls in my friend circle who are showing some interest in my, but not so strong one like the one i had from this girl. I receive some offers form girls in clubs or dating apps, but how am i suppose to lose my virginity with a girl i have seen an hour ago... What should i do?? i'm thinking of this problem every single hour and i have constant lack of concentration, i failed some exams and as a meter of fact im sitting right know in the library.. Trying a study.. There is a beautiful young lady in front of me, who talk to me in the morning, i' freaking out, she's leaving in 15 minutes, so i think i' ll just go with her and kiss her in the elevator without explanation... I beg you for some help and i'll be grad you i can answer all of your questions :) thanks in advanced
