Opinion On Breakup (Whole Story)

This is a really personal thread, so I want some honest feedback if anyone is willing to give me their insight. I'll try to be as honest with my details and experience as possible to get a more accurate opinion. I don't aim for pity, and I don't aim for anyone to be forced into feeling like they need to make me feel better. I just want to know if something is wrong with me. I ask that if you do read this, let me know if I am the problem. Or if she is. I can't determine it on my own.


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I'm currently struggling with a breakup about two weeks ago now. My ex and I met through a dating app, we lived about an hour and a half away from one another. I drove over to her house to meet her and things kicked off within a few meetups at her house. We hung out for hours each time I went over, normally doing the normal couples things like cuddling and watching netflix or game of thrones. We talked and laughed and started getting comfortable around one another. It wasn't long before we made a real thing, on facebook and the dating app. Saying we were taken, and we were the type to say we belong to one another and nobody else I guess. Possession type I suppose.

We dated for about two months before we had our first big fight. I forgot to delete picture of my ex before her, whom I had a bad breakup with as well. But I was over the other girl by this point mainly. She was annoyed because I had them there and never deleted them when we became a thing, so I did. I agreed with her that was strange of me to have them on my phone. We got back along, besides the fight taking place on the day before my 20th birthday where she went home instead of spending it with me like we had planned. I let it go, no biggie since I'd never really celebrated that day since a kid anyways. (This is something that will apply later) More months go by, we are both really happy together. Or so I believe. I always ask her if I make her happy, does she love me the way I love her, does she want me in her long time future. All replied with yes. I go out of my way to drive there after working all day at times, just to get up a few hours later for classes because she misses me and I miss her. We began talking almost every day all the time for hours on end. She would listen to my voice or watch me play games/watch anime over face time until she fell asleep. I was always happy with her almost.

Then we began having more and more arguments over petty things. Like how I never listened to her when she gave directions in a town when I'm driving. Or how she criticizes me going a few miles per hour over the written speed limit. Just small things. But she got pretty upset that I "doubted her constantly". Then small arguments lead back to things I joked about. A couple of them being me teasing her about her teeth that weren't the straightest. We were joking with one another and I said she had jacked up teeth. But she laughed and then got mad a little later as a petty thing. Until we argued and she brings it up constantly. As if I was trying to belittle her. I tried many times to let her know that I accept anything she feels is a flaw with her, and although I joked about it I did not mean it in a serious manner. But that didn't matter. So I just always apologized and asked her to please drop it. She normally would. But we would stop talking for a while when we were mad at one another. Another example of our petty arguments are when she jokes about going to hang out with a guy she made up or a guy that snap chatted her recently that she met through the dating app we used to use. I tried to trust her, but I have my sense of jealousy and not wanting her talking to other guys that just want her for one thing. I've read the messages from them to her, they were sexual. But she almost never responded luckily other than when they asked for her snapchat. I can't really see what happened when she used that, just her always taking selfies and sending them to people she conversed with over it. (You should also know I am the type to go through her phone with her knowing normally and she does the same. Sometimes I do when she is asleep next to me and I can't sleep. But this is also how we ended up breaking up.)

One day she was supposed to go to a city a few hours away to see her best friend (the female one) and go to homecoming with her. She did not have money for a dress or anything so I bought her 150$ worth of an outfit. She went without me, because we couldn't both go. I facetimed her that night after work and she wasn't expecting it. When she picked up, they were in her car with Ashley (the friend) and another guy. She explained they were just driving around and about to smoke weed. The guy and Ashley urged her to get off the phone when they went around and made a drug deal with some shady guy. I was worried about my ex, so I made her keep me on the phone. But then they started driving to the guys house after picking up another guy, whom talked about sexual advances on Ashley. I told my ex I would not allow her to go over to his house without staying on the phone with me the entire time and she got mad. Then hung up on me. She texted me a couple hours later and I told her I was going to break up with her in a fit of rage. I didn't know what happened and slowly lost more trust in her. We ended up making up the next day after a lot of arguing. I told her the next time that happened, her going over to another guy's house without me present and just her being alone with a few guys and not an actually group of friends with both genders, that we would break up for real.

Things started going back to normal, we just had petty arguments but were still super close. I felt happy and she always said she did. We talked about marriage, having kids some day. Stuff like that. Her birthday was coming around, this was a big deal since she was turning 18. I told her I'd be there for her birthday. I stayed the night and celebrated with her and the family. I bought her a huge teddy bear since the last one I gave her was a sort of hand me down from a previous relationship. She found out and was mad, but still liked it. But she brought that up in arguments about me giving her a bear meant for another girl originally. So I gave her the new one twice as big for the birthday along with other gifts and dinner and a movie. She criticized how I dressed a lot, so I went and spent money on new clothes that she liked. Dressed that way for her afterwards. After I left that week after spending a couple days with her, she tried to make plans in private with her other best friend (the male one Alex). She wanted to meet up with him for the first time. I asked if she was coming over but she said she had plans that weekend. I asked her what she was doing and she just said she was going to see Alex that day, She then said "didn't I tell you?" as the most generic thing a person says when they purposefully forgot to. I decided to trust her though after a little argument, telling her to let me know these things next time. And telling her she better not do anything with him, like sleeping with him and cheating on me. Anyways, their plans got canceled and I was relieved honestly.

We discussed on multiple occasions and had arguments about tattoos and piercings. I do not in the slightest find them attractive on almost any girl, but my ex demanded that she wanted them and has always wanted them. I tried to find common ground, saying that at least show me the ones you want and let me try to make those important body altering decisions with you. I realize it's her own body to do with how she pleases, but I worry I won't view her the same way anymore. I tried hard to explain that, but she said I was controlling and being toxic. She threatened to break up with me. I told her to do whatever then, but I couldn't make any promises on how I'd see her. She put gauges in her ear, which was a little revolting to me but I still felt the same about her. Still loved her. So I became okay with it little by little. The tattoos she showed me I criticized a bit, telling her to think longer on them. Make sure she truly wants them and wait until she is a little older. That upset her too, but we stopped talking about it much after a while. I think that is where the tensions began besides her smoking weed with those guys.

Now to the part that we broke up for. I went over to her house for the thanksgiving break we had together. Stayed there and celebrated with her family until I went to work that thanksgiving night, had to work black Friday at walmart. She then came over to my house the next day and spent until Sunday with me there. Normally she goes home when I go to work on Sundays because she has school the next morning. She told me she was at home when we talked and texted, which she was. Until around 10pm, she never replied to my message. So I asked after work around 11 if she was awake. No reply. The next morning she said she passed out, then later that day said she wasn't feeling good and wound up being on her period. She was not on her period on the Sunday she was with me though. So since she felt sick I went over to her house that Tuesday after class to be with her. She was on her period there, so she wasn't lying entirely. I wasn't aware of anything until that night when I looked through her phone with messages to her best friend Alex. She told him how she was at this guy's house about to watch a horror movie with him. Continued talking about how she wanted to get high but couldn't just show up that way. My heart began to ache reading them, knowing deep down she might have slept with that guy since she was not on her period the night she left my house. I woke her up in the middle of the night after trying to catch my cool, but I was still very angry. I asked her what she was doing at that guy's house. She replied that she was with her friend and the girl's boyfriend smoking weed and that I was making a big deal out of nothing. I told her if she didn't prove it then we would break up. She then said that she deleted the messages, which is clearly a lie to me.

I began taking all my items I gave her; tv, stuffed animal, wii, xbox, etc. Then I left her house while she laid in bed trying to go back to sleep. She didn't care that I was ready to break up over seeing those messages stating she was alone at another guy's house right after seeing me that day. I truly thought she cheated on me. We then argued for the day over it when she went to school, her saying she was done with my shit and that I was a toxic and controlling boyfriend and that I was mad about nothing. She insisted nothing happened and that she was just wanting to smoke weed and save money. She kept saying she was done arguing. I later tried to ask her to promise me she'd stop doing that, and let me know if she wants to go anywhere and do that with other guys. To take me with her, unless there were girls there too and I could be sure nothing would happen. She just told me she was done arguing still and to stop because we were through. Then threatened to block me when I asked her how she could possibly think that going to another guy's house at night was okay. And how was I supposed to react to her messages saying she was there with him and nobody else mentioned. Then say she deleted any proof of the female friend there. She refused to listen to my pleas of reason.

After about a week I began asking for the money I lent her a while back ($150 on the outfit she said she'd pay back. I also jokingly in the relationship told her we could never break up until she pays me back. Because she never has money. So we'd never break up.) I then got emotional when she said she would contact me when she had it someday. I replied " How about the money I spent on gas, food, movies and everything else for you. Or the 7 months I spent dedicated to you. Just so that you could sneak over to another guy's house after I went to work and act like it is okay." She got mad about it and threatened to block me. I told her that was all I had left to say. Now though, after two weeks, she has just blocked me randomly from facebook. I haven't messaged her since or anything. And I am emotionally dying inside by the thought that she started a new relationship so soon and is cutting me from her life completely.

A part of me wants her, and a part of me believes I deserve better. I'm not someone who is better off alone. I've been that way all my life. No actual friends, no real relationships that lasted long, no goals in life outside of a partner. I attend college, but my depression before her is back and worse than ever. I can't complete assignments. I don't want to. I am failing out of two classes purposefully because I gave up. The other three I will pass but with lower grades than needed. I'm doing anything possible to distract myself. Playing games, attempting to roleplay again, watching anime. I know I'm wasting my life away, over a girl. I don't feel as though I can trust anyone anymore, I don't have family I can talk to about issues. My mom and I are not close. My brother has his own life and we are barely close at all. We just live together, and argue about chores or whatever. My mom has episodes of anger where she lashes out at me and I don't like being around her more than I have to. But I live here because I don't have the money saved yet.


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I am now using dating apps to try and find something new, regrettably in hopes someone else might fill this void in me. Although I know I won't be able to trust anyone, but I still have hope I find something better than my ex. Unfortunately my state is completely barren of people nearly, there is roughly 75 miles between major towns in Kansas or at least from where I live to them. I can't do long distance anymore. I need to have my eyes on the other person I feel. But I am seriously considering dropping college for now, working for enough to move out of this state. Start a life completely different. Leave these bad memories and escape my current life. Go somewhere where I can find my type of girl that could accept someone like me. I am a nice guy I believe, I never intentionally treated any girl in my relationship poorly. I was always there for them or tried to be if they were willing. But I cannot find anyone here I feel like I could see. I want to go somewhere with more people, try to find friends. Try to find a possible healthier relationship.