Help me :( obsessive love.
okay so i've just created this account because i am in desperate need of some help right now :( i've been in an online relationship with another girl (i'm a girl too) and i've genuinely believed i've been in love with this girl :( we've been talking since January, practically all day everyday and in April we started dating. (i know it hasn't been very long but this is seriously killing me) i started getting anxiety and questioning my love and i thought i had ROCD or something and just tried to push the thoughts away but it only got worse. She asked me recently if i'm "obsessed" and not "in love" and i had no idea about being obsessed in terms of love or what it meant. when i soon read up about "obsessive love" i realised i am in fact obsessed :( not like most of the extremes people in real life relationships are. but i am so dependent on talking to her, i basically have given my whole self to her because i believed another person could be my whole happiness and complete me. obviously i've realised in order to love another you must love yourself. i am admitting to my obsession but i cannot let go of her :( i feel self-destructive and suicidal just like it says. idk if i could actually bring myself around to killing myself but i am going insane and i'm ripping my hair out over this. she has became what i live for. i'm 17, she's 18. i just cannot bring myself to fully believe this :( it's destroying me. i've even spoken about changing- learning to love myself. but whilst still talking to her, i cannot have her out of my life. i realise it came from boredom, insecurity, self-hate and feeling like one person can complete you and give you self-worth. i gave up my interests and isolated myself from the world before i met her. i avoid everything in life. for aslong as i can remember i spend everyday alone in my room on my laptop- ALL DAY. i know this isn't healthy and needs to change :( i just have so many problems and so much hate for myself, personality disorders, mental illness and now this! :( i don't even have any friends!
and i know you're probably all going to tell me to get help, but here's the thing. i am not "out" with my sexuality in real life. nobody knows. they don't even know i was in this relationship so i have to pretend to be happy but i am seriously so damn depressed, scared, hate myself...i feel like i have nothing without her. i cannot bare losing her :( how can i secretly get help? will i be able to open up to a therapist without my family or anybody i know finding out? they will not judge me will they? i feel like i have nothing to live for because of this obsession. is there any way i can help myself? or any tips on how to help me learn to love myself? it feels impossible to me. i have taken into account when i was younger i maybe didn't get the love needed, not enough love. i just don't know what to do :( there's no doubt i can still like her right? i mean we understand eachother- we know everything about eachother, she's my bestfriend, i love talking to her. i can talk to her about anything. if i even lost her as a friend it would destroy me even more. but you'll probably all tell me i'll never be able to get over my obsession for her and live my own healthy life if i don't let her go :( i just cannot believe the reality of all of this. you can tell me it's "an online relationship so let it go, it's not as important as the others" but it is exactly like everybody else with obsessive love. i've read up everything possible! i'm emotionally involved to a point i cannot let go.
I NEED HELP, PLEASE. ANYONE? :(