He ****ed me over so bad- again and again.. AM i just that stupid?
So here is my story.. I have no idea if anyone will ever take the time to read it or even gives a **** to read and comment, but i sure dont know what to do anymore.
Started talking to this guy from paris, i myself find me very well placed in denmark. We started talking and after six months he kept talking about how he wanted to meet me. How he wanted to be a part of my life and go have drinks. In this period I was also applying to exchange, and he kinda pushed me into going to Paris, so we could spend time together in real. and he spend hours to find other places where he and I would easily be able to go see each other ( so liek one hour of transportation). BUT i got into paris. ;) SO we started making some serious plans to see each other, but due to to his health issues he wasnt able to travel. not for the next six months. So I got all brave and bought myself a ticket. I lived at a friend of a friends place and I finally got to see him in real. Then he talked about how he always thought about other people and the outcome of his actions. it was pretty clear that we both wanted more in this moment...... BUT as always I was talking about a relationship and he.. a kiss... But i stood up saying, well if you are thinking too much about it then there aint much i can do about it and you probably shouldnt do anything about this "action" you talk about.
The day after he kissed me and we spend the night holding one another blablabalabla. Anyways! he doesnt do long distance relationships.
I come home and we still talk.. I stay a little distanced since my heart was broken. But then he tells me he has woken up at night wishing it was that night we spend together. Writes me messages like "spend the day thinking i wanna see you" And it should be noted we talk like 3-4 hours everyday and cam 70% of the time.
So... I had no money to see him again, and then he offers to pay the whole thing and that i can stay at his place. It would all be a birthday gift from him to me. i go there and its beautiful... :) Then on the third day he tells me there cant be anything between us when i come to paris.
"I can't" "there is too much bad things happening to me" " I' just dont want to be in a relatinoship"
He breaks my heart real good this time... I break it off when i come home. 2 weeks after we start talking a little again. And a month later i get a letter that tells a story about a guy who has.. hold on guys! WHO HAS A FREAKING GIRLFRIEND! he had been in a relationship all this time. he broke it up with her when i came there the first time, then she begged her way back after i left... and then he told her about me and she slapt him and left him..... THEN i came to visit him the second time.. and after that they started dating again...
I gave him the finger after that. and in the end asked him please to never contact me again. he did... He wants to be my friend. because we have this special bond. Because I am sweet and genuine and that he feels like he lost a lot. also told me that he dumped her because she couldnt accept that I was still important to him.
He still has feelings for me, but since i am going in december, he doesnt want to hurt me again. He wants to be friends.
What the hell do i do to a guy that has ****ed me more over than my selfrespect could ever imagine but that i care so unimaginable a lot for?
