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Soo,i met some girl and like the past 2-3 days we were chatting with hearts/love emojies etc and talking like a couple(we both were doing it as a joke)but then i understood that she was liking me,so i tried to make a relationship with her.But for a while she was ignoring me so hard.I was doing my best to make her feel something.Then i got mad and just told her everything(the ignoring and that i have feels..)and she responded "I had feels but they just dissapeared i dont know how") wtf?
"So i tried to make a relationship with her" "Doing my best to make her feel something"
You were too upfront about your feelings. It's okay to treat women well and to show her that you want her without going overboard, but don't vomit up everything.
Women are more attracted to the men who have unclear feelings. Which you do by hanging back at times, make her put in effort, and you reciprocate.
When shes saying sweet things to you, reciprocate.
Just an example of what I'm talking about.
her: "I cant wait to see you, God your amazing! do you think there's a future here?"
You: "Haha, thanks i try. Yeah, Saturday's going to be so much fun! Hey, that'd be cool, but i guess we will just have to find our what happens. See you on Saturday hun"
Honestly. You should have just asked her out, instead of doing all this phone conversation stuff.
And another thing.
"Then I got mad and just told her everything" Don't get mad, be centered. In this scenario, being calm and indifferent would have been the right move.
If you need to be pissed off, talk to your buddies about it. Not her.
That's why she's confused, because it turned her off, its so counterintuitive but it's how it is. Even she doesn't understand it.
I would just hang back, she might come back after getting some space.
The only problem is all this stuff gets kind of messy if you change your approach with a woman after things have already gotten started, but you might be able to flip it around, sounds like it was early enough.
When I started learning this, one woman that came back into my life after I made the same mistake as you. She was really confused at how I was acting, and was saying how she didn't think I cared. I cared, but I knew how to act finally. I wasnt as upfront, constantly chasing or all over her as i was in the past (which was how I acted when we first met and what attracted her in the first place). Anyways. She blew me off again. I messed up, after thinking that something really was wrong with how I was acting and I basically became uncentered, started apologizing/I turned into weak guy, but the truth is I was doing everything right.
I didn't hear from her for a long time after I did that, the apology was really weak and way too much, afterall she blew me off.
I felt like crap after sending it, I knew within minutes that it was a huge mistake.
I honestly figured I never would hear from her again.
Well. She did come back later again. But.
I figured it would just be easy to start over with someone new, that didnt have predetermined judgments about me. So I stopped asking her out when we spoke. If she would have brought it up, I would have asked her if she hinted at it or brought it up, but she never did. So that's what happened there. Looking back I probably should have, we had great chemistry, but she's married now and happy, so things worked out good for her regardless.
GLYC :) Although what you say can be true, those women are immature or troubled or whatever. You shouldn't have to play these games.
"When I started learning this, one woman that came back into my life after I made the same mistake as you. She was really confused at how I was acting, and was saying how she didn't think I cared. I cared, but I knew how to act finally. I wasnt as upfront, constantly chasing or all over her as i was in the past (which was how I acted when we first met and what attracted her in the first place). Anyways. She blew me off again. I messed up, after thinking that something really was wrong with how I was acting and I basically became uncentered, started apologizing/I turned into weak guy, but the truth is I was doing everything right. "
So, at first you acted like you really cared and then you pulled back? Of course she's going to be confused. Showing your feelings does not make you "weak". It does make you vulnerable, which can end up being painful. You apologized and she came back? But your ego came into play and you decided not to take the chance and now it is what it is.
ShyAF, I know this isn't GLYC's thread, but I"m trying to make a point. If you hadn't been honest with her about your feelings, you wouldn't have gotten her truthful answer. She didn't sound confused to me. She said her feelings disappeared. I am guessing you are pretty young. Your "relationship" was texting and emojis. There is much more to a real relationship than that, although I am not making light of your feelings.
Remember, you cannot "make a relationship" with someone or "make her feel something". Don't be afraid of your feelings or expressing them. If the girl cannot appreciate them, then she is not worthy of them.
Snow, you're right this isn't my thread or about me. But I was using a real life example because I made the same mistake. I've made that mistake all throughout my late teenage years into my very early 20s. And it never worked.
What happened between me and that woman was that I was overly caring, always regularly communicating with her and too upfront about some things. We texted throughout the week, having conversations and kept things fun and playful. We went out probably 3 times, every time was great, i still refer to one of our dates as being one of the best dates I've ever been on. Anyways, she started to pull away. And then she started canceling dates. I got confused, like the OP, asked her where things were going, and if there was any relationship potential. She told me something like "If that's what we wanted, we would both be trying harder for it", i was shocked, i was doing everything I could. I sent her a text, she didn't reply. I called her, surprisingly she picked up. I spoke with her about it, asked if we should even still talk, she said that she didn't care and it was up to me. I told her i wanted to still talk. We texted for a bit. And then she ignored my texts (or what people call ghosting). So that's what happened when I was completely upfront about everything, pursuing her, trying to keep contact throughout the week so she wouldn't forget about me, etc. There was a little more to the story with another guy being there, but had I been doing everything right, I never would have had any competition. This was a woman that initiated things with me and found me, she had a really high level of interest/attraction initially.
Ironically, but with other women in my past that I didn't put in such massive amounts of effort with by trying to keep them attracted to me, but was still nice and caring to, was indifferent to if they didn't respond or what happened between us, they clung around me for months, and were reaching out to me by making dates for me to go on. Lol.
I don't think it's a game at all, or a form of manipulation. You come to realize what are the natural turn offs to a woman, and you avoid them to create the best dating experience possible, for you and her. If anything, you're just a better man and have honed your charm, you took the time to realize how sexual polarity works (masculine and feminine energy), you realize that it's not that you're an ass, cold or uncaring, you're still sweet and kind to women, but youre not a butt kisser or a butler or a guy that's trying to force things, you're independent and indifferent to what happens. You would love to have them in your life, but if they leave, well, that's unfortunate, but I guess you'll just have to help her pack her things!
Afterall, women are a supplement to a great life, they are not your life. And when one door closes, another one somewhere else opens.
GYLC, It sounds like the two of you were having a mutually good time. You had feelings and wanted to know if it was mutual and if there was a chance for a relationship. There is nothing wrong with that. Why waste your time and feelings? She simply wasn't ready for more. You didn't do anything wrong. Now you act indifferent towards women you are interested in and say they clung around, but obviously not for long. If a woman would rather be treated indifferently than with genuine concern, then they are not ready for a real relationship. You don't have to be a butt kisser or needy or try to force anything. You shouldn't have to be untrue to yourself.
Snow-
Why I recommend not bringing up the relationship is because it can ruin things, being concerned about a relationship title is really more of a feminine thing, can it work for a man to bring it up? Sure. But its better just to let her bring it up. If you bring it up too soon, you can get that awkward moment where she's thinking "this guy doesn't even really know me yet and he's asking about us being in a relationship" and from there, shes turned off (I've already seen this in a few topics in here to validate that). So why take the risk, if she's feeling it, she eventually will bring it up. Women want to be in a love story, and they want to fall in love slowly overtime.
And it's not about treating women indifferently (which is cold, unappreciative behavior which will get you rejected), its being indifferent to what happens (we go out and have a good time, or we don't). There's a difference. Because ultimately, the results are never completely in your control, you can only show up as good as you can.
I'm not saying it's a guaranteed method, as nothing is guaranteed in life, but i think it's better and as a man, it feels so much more natural.
Well,im just 16 yrs old btw
Update: This girl just shocked me lol..
every chat or whatever has been told to her friends.yay
her friends just joked with me about this...(go cry pls,u will die viring etc) she is 16yrs old too
Well tell her to go fck herself. Your chats are private and if she shares them with friends then she have no respect for you and your privacy. Stop contact with her unless you want it to continue.
Just remember that every conversation with a woman may likely be heard about from her friends, women like to try to decipher men, especially when we're hard to figure out. However, they also like to talk about the extremes of things, so in this case, the guy that's getting angry, or in cases where a guy cries, or acts abnormal.Quote:
Originally Posted by ShyAF [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I'm not saying it really affects anything else, but just be aware that it happens.
I don't know what you all said, all you said was "I got mad and told her everything".
But. I'm not saying you necessarily deserved to get treated like a piece of crap. I would just smile and say a remark and/or not give a shit.
If her friends said something to me like.
"Go cry" "You will die a virgin"
I would just say,
You ladies are incredible. I love it when you talk sweet to me.
Or.
You need to stop flirting with me.
Or.
Watch out for these girls, theyre total badasses. Whatever you do, Nobody get on these girls bad side!
And I would just smile. Eventually I would just ignore messages and stuff. You can just be blunt too, and tell them that you don't care what they think.
My confidence and self-esteem doesn't depend on them.
i stopped every contact with her
it's so hard to find a normal girl these days..
- - - Updated - - -
oh,and "I told her everything" let me explain it.
before all she is in france right now so we could only chat.
I was sending her hearts/pics of relationships etc/compliments her/every day asking when she is getting back.She even sent me once some pic u know from those kinda Tall guy+Short girl=best relationship.I rly thought she liked me,but as i said before she was ignoring me,and mistreating me.And when i told her everything she said that she didnt know i like her... wtf how this girl cant see it?I literally said that i love her before(she may thought it was a joke or i dont know but i hope thats the reason cuz i cant imagine to have liked such a stupid girl..)i'm the unluckiest guy alive for real,hard to find a normal girl these days 0,0.
Well, Youre 16, you still have much to learn young grasshopper.
But the thing is you're trying.
"I was sending her hearts/pics of relationships etc/compliments her/every day asking when she is getting back."
Slow down cowboy. That's not how it's supposed to work. You need to allow women to fall in love in love slowly overtime.
You will get there with this stuff, just reevaluate your behavior. Remember, sometimes less really is more. You must love in such a way that the other person feels free.
She said she didnt know you liked her meaning that she probably felt that at one point initially when things started as a "joke" before you blew up her phone, but after you started spewing all this stuff out she probably just lost a lot of interest and that was the first excuse she could cling to.
My late teens were similar to this, some girls i dated and had a chance with, I blew it with from trying to rush things.
Never do that, that will drive women away so fast.
well,ill take this advice thanks
i started a contact with some girl who is like "Female Me" i mean we have so much similarity,should i make it slow? as u said
You're welcome.
Well, what I mean by slow, is in regards to spitting up deep feelings ("I love you's"), and trying to nail her down ("we should be in a relationship").
It's best to just let her initiate those things.
Don't take this too far, i dont mean slow as in, you never make her feel special by telling her how you feel (use genuine compliments, like I said just nothing overboard, like "I can't imagine being with anybody but you" when you've been dating for 2 weeks) and I also don't mean slow as in, waiting 3 months to kiss her. Just focus on having fun and creating great activities to do together, the rest will fall into place.
but the bad thing is that we met each other at the beach and she isnt from my city soo yeah its kinda ****ed up