New and inexperienced! New here and inexperienced with dating women. heh. 27 y/o.
So yep. My name's Daniel. I'm 27, will be 28 in April. I have extremely limited experience with women. I don't know what it's like to have a girlfriend face to face. The only legitimate relationship I've had still doesn't compare to how one would be now, because I was 13/14, and while I'm here in Texas, she was in Pennsylvania, and we both fell in love with text on a screen. That lasted ~1 yr, and we never met.
There were a couple of spits here and there, always at a distance. The two most prominent ones ended badly. There's one girl in my past who's my friend to this day, but when we met back when we were teens, we both had a crush on each other and neither one of us knew it. That's long over and done.
The rest of this is very long winded, so you have been warned. Please continue if you think after reading it you might be able to direct me to the correct sub-forum about this, or if you think you have something helpful to say. Feel free to speak directly. I'd much rather you do so than sugar coat anything. My goal here is to give an overall description of who I am, based on what I think might or might not have an effect on whether or not women would be attracted to me, and to in turn, look for constructive feedback.
Basic facts about myself:
Other than the above, there's a few quick points.
I am a Christian. I don't attend a church, but you can consider me a protestant.
As for my style of dress, I generally wear (clean, good condition) carpenter jeans, and a t-shirt or a button-down short sleeve shirt. If my hair has been recently cut (not always possible), then my profile picture is an accurate representation of that, and I still own and wear the shirt I'm wearing in the pic.
I am not perfect, but getting better at hygiene. I am striving to break the habit of only shaving every few days. I still only brush once a day, but I brush/scrape tongue/use expensive mouthwash/carry mints with me usually to ensure that I never offend anyone with my breath. I generally shower regularly, but occasionally skip a day or two. As time goes on, I grow impatient with being unclean, and I grow closer to just showering every day to be done with it.
I am purposely a virgin. Yes, I'm waiting until I get married for both religious and practical reasons. If you argue with me about this, you are wasting your time and mine, as I have heard and successfully refuted every reason there is for not waiting.
I soothe loneliness with porn (not good). I'm aware it's harmful and unhelpful. I'm probably an average user, usually once a day, at times only every couple to few days, and rarely multiple times a day. I hope that when I do find a girl who wants to be with me, that I can easily let go of it, and have eyes only for her. Loyalty is important to me.
I am overweight by ~50 lbs, and want to change that. On the converse, I am not attracted to overweight women (surprise surprise). Since I'm overweight, I strive to wear clothes that fit and look good, and do not stretch over my fat. I'm living on campus at UT Arlington, and so I'm on a meal plan. I'm trying to go back to eating the less fatty/healthier things in there. I also plan on restarting regular exercise. I had begun doing so this semester, but quit when I became overwhelmed with my workload.
I am an electrical engineering student. Surprisingly, there are more women than you would think doing this major, and there are even some who are *very* attractive.
More in depth details about my social issues:
I do not claim to have any social disorder, nor do I wish to claim as such, as I believe it would only hinder my progression.
Despite my insecurities, it seems I'm generally a very well liked person both in work and school and among friends. My company is desired. When it's not an attempt to get a date, I get along well with people, I can make women laugh, etc. When I'm interested in a girl, I usually wait a long time before I ask her out. By that time, I've either done something that has weirded her out, or if I've managed not to do that, I ask in what seems a normal way to me, and am declined one way or another. I almost always ask for a coffee date or equivalent--it's cheap so there's no big disappointment if things go downhill, and it allows the primary focus to be conversation. If "she" ever says yes, then of course I'll pay.
One of my most recent attempts was with a girl I became very attracted to, who I believed I shared a lot in common with (and found attractive). I didn't scare her off--instead we're friends, and that I value. I asked her if she'd like to go out for a cup of coffee, and at first she said yes, but when I tried to set a time, and then made it clear that I was asking because I was interested in her (she didn't seem to pick up on it at first), she kindly declined instead because she didn't want to encourage me in the wrong way. As time went on, it eventually became clear that she wasn't going to change her mind. I think there's still some part of me that likes her, although it's not worth pursuing. We don't get to talk often. Recently we did, and the rest of that day, I was in much greater spirits than before.
Some past advice I've received (that seems legitimate) in short:
-Attempt to meet women at a church/find singles groups.
-Join social circles based on my interests to find women with similar interests.
-In talking to a woman I'm interested to, honestly expressing that interest without getting all worked up, asking for a date and her number, etc, is simply an expression of human love.
-Being nervous and withdrawing when dealing with a woman I'm interested in is being dishonest toward myself and her, because I am not allowing my real personality to show (amicable, funny, likeable, etc).
-When talking to her, if interested, ask for a date and her number simultaneously. As for asking for the date, ask only with the expressed intention of getting together to get to know e/o more. As in something like, "I enjoy talking to you. Do you want to trade numbers and meet up for coffee so we can get to know each other more?" Don't build it up into some huge deal, because it shouldn't be.
In terms of this advice, I feel as if I don't have time to really take advantage of it. I'm in the Anime Club at UT Arlington because I'm a big fan of it. There's a girl in there who I'm mildly interested in, but she's only 19. There's another girl who, I guess it's just her way, really does seem interested in me (though I honestly have no interest in her), but says she's not. Evidence suggests that she does these interest-showing behaviors with everyone though. Other than that, we're largely a bunch of semi-awkward Otakus.
I believe I lack the mentality of someone who dates people, because I've grown into adulthood without these normal experiences. But I don't know if that's necessarily a specific mentality as much as it is just a lack of experience.
A concern of mine is how obvious it will become that I've "never done this before", even if she says yes and things progress. I hope that it won't be a big problem or a problem at all, and/or that even if she notices, she doesn't care because she actually likes me.
I don't have anyone specific that I like right now, though I wish I did. I've talked to a couple of girls, but while they're nice and all, I don't feel particularly attracted to them. I thought about if it would be worth it to ask them on a date anyway, and then I decided that would be wrongheaded, because I'd be asking for the wrong reasons. I believe it's important to at least be pretty easily/instantly attracted to her before asking her out.
Since I've pretty consistently seized up when it's time to man up over the years, I wonder if I've become so good at glossing over it that I just come across disinterested. I hope not, but I don't know.
I wonder about how responsible I am. I strive to get my work done at school but still struggle with procrastination. I'm the type that looooooves to goof off, but I loathe the thought of being a loser who doesn't do anything with his life--so I fight through it and try to just do what I need to do to succeed. Still working on it.
Socially, I keep to myself a lot, but I do have friends that I enjoy hanging out with.
