A New Understanding of Intimate Relating -- Part III of III

Part III of III

Clinging

If a person is not totally filled up with self love, and has a terrific encounter with a lover, there may be a psychological and energetic clinging that develops, almost immediately. If the lover moves away, there may be feelings of hurt, jealousy or abandonment.

The task is not to be free of neediness or clinging before beginning to relate intimately with another person. The task is finding healthy ways to respond to neediness as it arises in the process of relating. One approach: bring heartful acceptance and love to the emotional stuckness as it arises.

Another suggestion: at the end of each romantic meeting, it may be helpful to do a brief closing ritual, where each partner "comes back to themselves." The lovers might say, "we are now going to slowly, gently separate from each other." This can help close the connection, and bring more freedom of movement to each person.

What Happens to Society?

For centuries, the family unit has been the core structure upon which society has been built. If we dismantle the family, how do we re-construct society? What does the workplace look like? Child rearing?

There is no reason the fundamentals of the workplace need to change absent of marriage. Individuals still go to work and school, and become artists, scientists and shop-owners.

Child rearing needs to be explored more fully. In short, we would need to move to the understanding that it takes a village to raise a child. We would need a commitment from each member of the town or neighborhood to assist with the children of the town. Some mothers and fathers may feel strong bonds to their biological children and want to put lots of time, energy and resources into raising them. Other mothers and fathers may have less of a bond. In all cases, every adult in the town would need to take an active role in caring for the children of the town.

A Blueprint for the New Relating Paradigm

* Upon coming into contact with another person, it would be expected that some form of loving greeting is shared, with the details to be negotiated in the moment.

* Men and women would decouple their longing for energetic and physical intimacy from their other desires: financial security, success in the business world, etc.

* When a man and woman feel attracted to one another, they would communicate clearly about their boundaries in the moment, and then share their love, energy and touch with each other. When the energy shifts, they would bow to each other, and move on to the next encounter in the next moment.

* Everyone in the village would attend workshops to learn the skills needed for conscious connection.

* Everyone would know that living in the village brings the responsibility of caring for the children.

* Everyone would start with a "yes" to connecting, and there would always be room to negotiate the details of each meeting.

A village with such relating ground rules would, in my opinion, lead to incredibly nourished human beings, overflowing with love, light and delight. And this love-filled village would be more peaceful, silent and self-aware. The people in such a village would be actively engaged in creating heaven on earth!

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