Need help, driving me crazy now!!

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06-08-08, 07:32 AM
G-Starr

Need help, driving me crazy now!!

Right, well i may aswell start from the beginning. I have no idea what to think anymore and a lot of my rl mates and stuff mess about saying how 'tapped' she is.

Im at university btw.

Basically i met this girl like last October and we got talking, she had seen me nights out a few times and because some of my mates hung around with her house-mates she had seen me, although we didn't know each other directly. We talked a lot at first and i invited her to my mates house party for his B-day, she didn't really want to come cause she didn't know anyone but she agreed and we hung out together and she stayed over, although nothing happened as i really did just see her as a friend at first, then she spent the whole next day with me and that night she kissed me and i asked her if thats what she really wanted and she said yes and she thought i was attractive and 'cute'

Fast forward, we started seeing each other for a few months, like i stayed at hers and visa versa and slept with her several times, then it was a bit off and she wasn't sure how she felt, then we got back on. We were never officially going out, but just seeing each other, neither of us had anyone else and she told me that she was sort of scared of relationships because of how they always seemed to go wrong and she didn't want tht to happen again.

But i've still been to visit her at her house and met the family etc even though she tells me we're just friends.

She came to stay at my house on my Birthday and we got with each other again, but she is the kind of girl who is pretty shy to just come out and say things, so we didn't say anything the next day but when i mentioned it to her in a text a week or so later she said she didn't regret it but just wasn't sure how to act!

The day after my Birthday i went to stay at her house again for the week and i Just don't know what to think as im sure her parents think we are more than friends. Her Dad gave us some cash to go out for a meal together and when i left she was leaving me facebook messages like "Awww come back i miss you!!" But then when i say to her "So can we try again then to be more than friends?" she just goes cold and says "nah i don't think it would work"

Really don't have a clue anymore, she says i'm an amazing guy, she finds me attractive, loves spending time with me and talks/spends time with me more than anyone else at Uni, + im the only person to go and stay at her house from Uni, yet she has plenty of other Friends, I.E girls which she is really close to.

In addition there are just little things which to me, seem to show she likes me (but as i said, always says No, just friends when i text her about it) Like the way she looks at me and smiles sometimes and how she constantly jokingly takes the piss out of me and messes about by hitting me, i mean even other day when we were watching a film she started to touch my hair and laugh, then she will say stuff to me that makes me think "why the hell is that important or matter if i'm just a friend like other guys" Such as when we went for a meal and she started telling me how her mum liked me cause i made an effort with her and compared me to her sisters fiance and Her sisters Ex-boyfriend.

Sorry if this makes no sense, because really i don't understand it either and no-one else does either. Just want your opinions and possibilities really.

Oh and she has invited me down to stay at hers again at the beginning of September, i know i should really just avoid it because of the games and signals she keeps giving me but love spending time with her!
06-08-08, 07:37 AM
Cain

I don't really know what to tell you. Though she may be giving you signs that she wants to be more than friends, her words are matching her actions. I've never been one to be fond of ambiguity, so if a girl tells me over and over again that she doesn't want a relationship with me, I accept that as truth. You might need to consider the same.

If you want a relationship and she doesn't, you should move on. If you don't care whether you two are official or not, however, then just continue on the way things have been going. It looks like the only thing that's different between being bg/gf and what you have now is just the title.
06-08-08, 07:41 AM
G-Starr

Nah, i understand what you are saying. Being BF/GF doesn't really bother me much, just want to be more than friends with her and inside there is something telling me there is something holding her back with me, whether it's because she is scared she will lose me if she falls out with me or what i dunno. She might say "No i want to be friends" over text, but then why say "No i didn't regret it" or say stuff like "Awww i miss you" and stuff. The way she acts is completely different with how she acts around other guy friends.
06-08-08, 07:45 AM
Cain

Quote:

Originally Posted by G-Starr [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Nah, i understand what you are saying. Being BF/GF doesn't really bother me much, just want to be more than friends with her and inside there is something telling me there is something holding her back with me, whether it's because she is scared she will lose me if she falls out with me or what i dunno. She might say "No i want to be friends" over text, but then why say "No i didn't regret it" or say stuff like "Awww i miss you" and stuff. The way she acts is completely different with how she acts around other guy friends.

Now I see what your problem is.

You're trying to figure out the mind of a woman.

Don't. Women don't even know what goes on in the minds of women.

If you don't care about the title, then just go with the flow. Things will either naturally progress or they won't. Continuing with this bf/gf thing might push her away and I don't think you want that.
06-08-08, 07:52 AM
G-Starr

Yeah cheers for your help, it's so hard to explain the situation. Ill try sum it up quickly so you can better understand. It's not exactly me pushing her into a relationship.

We were seeing each other, she started the whole thing, we grew closer and closer and tbh are even closer now. She wants to be just friends, or says she does, but has got with me since saying that and sends all the signals out that she wants it too. As one of my mates said, she can't just keep me hanging on and expect me to keep visiting her family and stuff like a gay best mate, sooner or later i'll meet someone else and it wont be so simple! Don't think i will push her away and i've never really said "I want to go out with you" Just really asked us to give it another try, (because remember we have had a relationship in the past, even if unofficial) which makes it so much harder to act like just a friend when i go visit her, go to cinema, go for picnics etc. And she is just as close to me as i am to her, would kill her if she didn't have me. Just wish she would open up face to face and say what she REALLY feels, want to see her facial expressions and reactions to me with another girl for example!
06-08-08, 07:55 AM
Cain

Then you need to talk to her about this. Express your concerns. Because yes, eventually another girl is going to come around. If you don't care if you two are official, then this shouldn't be such a big deal. If you do care, then you really need to talk to her about it.
06-08-08, 08:08 AM
G-Starr

Being official doesn't actually bother me, i just really want her to be like "yes we can take it slow and be more than friends and see where it goes" Which we were before, so how can it all change, especially when she is closer to me than ever and loves spending time with me. The actions and flirting she does with me suggest yes she does like me more than a friend, then she just goes cold and says "No, wont work" when i mention it in a text. Surely she can see that the way she is acting you don't do with the average 'Friend' For example if another girl came along, would she really believe that she is just a friend if i tell her im going to stay for a few days and go for meals, cinema, picnics etc?
06-08-08, 08:10 AM
Cain

If she tells you that she wants to be more than friends, she's making it official. If you don't care if it's official, why do you care if she only considers you friends?

If you really want to test it, do as you suggested. Hang out with other women and see what she says. Her feelings will either come out or she'll try to do the same.
06-08-08, 08:18 AM
G-Starr

I care that she considers us just friends, because to me, there must be a real reason behind saying this, because don't forget for a good 6 months we were more than just friends. I want to know the real reason for her change in heart, rather than simply "It wont work, we should just be friend" Because again, it's not like we have slowly drifted apart, we have become closer and spent more time together and probably had more of a laugh together, without it being physical, thats why i just don't understand her logic!
06-08-08, 08:26 AM
Cain

Quote:

Originally Posted by G-Starr [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I care that she considers us just friends, because to me, there must be a real reason behind saying this, because don't forget for a good 6 months we were more than just friends. I want to know the real reason for her change in heart, rather than simply "It wont work, we should just be friend" Because again, it's not like we have slowly drifted apart, we have become closer and spent more time together and probably had more of a laugh together, without it being physical, thats why i just don't understand her logic!

How were you guys in a relationship before if it wasn't official? It sounds to me like nothing has changed except now she is making it clear that you're just friends.

I don't know her. I don't know what's on her mind. The only thing you can do is talk to her and find out.
06-08-08, 08:32 AM
G-Starr

Nah, as i said it's hard to explain, none of my mates can understand it either.

basically we were seeing each other, she told me we were more than friends and she was staying over at mine and visa versa and we were sleeping together, she wanted to keep it how we were, seeing each other, but didn't want an official relationship because they always go wrong for her. So in a sense the whole physical relationship etc was there, without the title, but now it's all changed and there is no physical element and she now wants to be just friends, but still thinks it's ok for me to go and visit her and go for meals just us two etc. Plus the fact she got with me on my birthday, even after saying we should just be friends.
06-08-08, 08:36 AM
Cain

Quote:

Originally Posted by G-Starr [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Nah, as i said it's hard to explain, none of my mates can understand it either.

basically we were seeing each other, she told me we were more than friends and she was staying over at mine and visa versa and we were sleeping together, she wanted to keep it how we were, seeing each other, but didn't want an official relationship because they always go wrong for her. So in a sense the whole physical relationship etc was there, without the title, but now it's all changed and there is no physical element and she now wants to be just friends, but still thinks it's ok for me to go and visit her and go for meals just us two etc. Plus the fact she got with me on my birthday, even after saying we should just be friends.

Then talk to her. There's nothing that anyone here can say to you because we don't know her. If you want to know why she has had a change of heart, then ask her.
06-08-08, 08:41 AM
G-Starr

Yeah obv, but i never get a straight answer, i really wondered if anyone here and seen anything like this before cause no-one in rl can understand the way she acts, obv they know the full story and have seen it unfold, ive shortened it a bit so wont look as crazy as the full story. Mainly the girls on this forum will be the ones that can help!
06-08-08, 08:44 AM
Cain

Quote:

Originally Posted by G-Starr [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Yeah obv, but i never get a straight answer, i really wondered if anyone here and seen anything like this before cause no-one in rl can understand the way she acts, obv they know the full story and have seen it unfold, ive shortened it a bit so wont look as crazy as the full story. Mainly the girls on this forum will be the ones that can help!

The only thing that anyone here can do is speculate. The women here can only speculate and even then, the advice they give could still be dead wrong. If you can't get a straight answer from her, you're not going to get an answer.