I've discovered he watches porn. How do I deal with this?
My partner and I have been together for two years. We are both 36, have a house together and two children each. We are fairly active sexually and have no issues.
On Saturday evening, when he used the internet on his phone, I noticed on the drop down list an entry for pornhub.com, something about 'page six'. I questioned him, in front of the kids, and he said it must be from something dodgy the kids did earlier. I asked him again the next morning and he admitted he'd been on watching porn. He didn't try to hid it knowing the kids weren't around.
He says he's watched porn since he was a teenager and had never really thought about it. He pointed out that most men, and many women, watch it. He says he watches it only occasionally, usually at work, as a visual aid to get himself off. I asked why he couldn't use mental images or me and things we'd done instead. He said he's not thought to. I told him it made me feel inadequate, hurt and offended. He said he could see my point of view and that he wouldn't do it again. Going back to having always done it, he said he didn't know why he does.
I'm having a hard time processing this in my head. I do appreciate his honesty and I do trust him. But when I think about him leering over other women (and men, I guess) I start to think in details about exactly what he's watching, out of choice, does he find them more attractive than me, are they doing things he'd like but I won't do, etc, etc. My head ends up in a big mess.
How do I get past this??
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I guess the big issue in my head is that he chooses to look at this stuff over me, in that situation.