He keeps obsessing over my ex-es
My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 months. He also happens to be my ex-boyfriend of 2 years, and we've met again this year at a friend's wedding after not contacting for 7 years. This was when the spark was re-ignited and we decided to patch back again. In the past 7 years I've had 2 other serious relationships, and he had one. This ex of his, also happens to be the girl he cheated with on me 7 years ago. Let's call her Mandy.
Mandy was the third party in our relationship 7 years ago, and used suicide several times as a reason to keep him. He admitted that he lied and cheated on me, but swore that it was always me he loved, and has tried to break up with Mandy numerous times (with her ending up in the hospital). I broke up with him regardless, and moved on, as I couldn't get over the hurt he'd caused me. He and Mandy were together in a 5 year relationship since then, before she cheated on him -this happened 1 to 2 years back.
He said that he's never really loved her, and it was her cheating incident that gave him a reason to finally leave her without feeling guilt even if anything did happen to her, like if she tries to kill herself again. He said he's never forgotten me all these years and really regrets his cheating in the past. I decided to give us another shot.
Our feelings have re-grown by heaps these 5 months and I've even told him he's the one who I want to marry and settle down with. He's really sweet and I can feel that he is sincere about me and truly regrets the past. But he has also started obsessing over my ex-es and gets very insecure and jealous. He would probe endlessly about my ex-es, and constantly compares himself with them. He'd ask questions like does my mother think I have too many boyfriends; who am I attracted to most physically etc.. He'd ask who is the one I love the most among the 3 of them. I can't really give him an answer he wants, because I'd say I loved them a lot when I was in the relationship with them as I've invested time, feelings and effort. But in terms of chemistry and interaction, he is the one I can click with the most. He's however, hardly ever satisfied with any of my answers, and says that he can't trust some of the things I say anymore.
Tricky part is that I get quite upset myself whenever he probes or gets angry over my ex-es, because I get reminded of the past and his cheating each time. And I get somewhat unhappy that he is getting pissed at me over my ex-es when it should be me getting pissed over his ex! If he hasnt cheated then I wouldn't even end up meeting my ex-es in the first place for him to even harp constantly over. Also him accusing me of loving him the least among all my boyfriends, or insisting he is not the one I really love, or saying things like I've not gotten over my ex-es, really irritates the hell out of me and we end up quarreling each time. He'd say things like I haven't gotten over my ex-es because I get so upset everytime when we talk about them, when I should be feeling nothing. And me trying to evade these questions is almost as if I'm trying to run away from my feelings for them ..I insisted i am completely over them, just like how i was over him too in the past when i was with my ex, and then he asked me why I ended up with him now if i'd already gotten over him.
I can go on and on about the things he says but the point is, I am really exasperated and tired. We quarrel over this same issue on a weekly basis (4 to 5 times a week!) and nothing gets solved. I finally snapped yesterday and went berzerk on him.
I really love him a lot but I doubt I can spend the rest of my life trying to pacify or re-assure him to help him with his insecurities. I get so affected by his moods as well and I'm quite easily depressed. He KNOWS it is his own problem and is something he needs to stop doing, and asked me to give him more time to get over my ex-es. But it's been months and honestly, I'm reaching the breaking point.
What can I do?
