- Forgetting her is the worst kind of suffering
Hey there,
I'm new to this page so I'm actually not sure how to start this right off...I also never really felt like I'd be ever in need of such a forum but there's this one major topic in my life I just can't leave behind and I was confronting myself way too often with it but couldn't find a solution :/ So here I am looking for the one who might give me a more understable solution/response to my case so I can finally finish up with a certain chapter in my life but let's cut things short: I recently turned 18 and couldn't complain bout anything in life - I'm actually not really bad looking, I'm good in school and and all together I am fully satisfied with life besides one thing: this one girl I can't have and don't wanna forget. Let's call her Girl A. So to understand how I feel and where I am rn we need to get back to the days when I was around 14ish old. All I was thinking bout at this time was probably gaming- who could blame me, nevertheless I also was really interested in staying in contact with people from all over the world through chatting with them on an app called kik messenger . That's where I first started talking to girl A. Ofc back in this time I was not having any expectations towards this chat I was having with her nor was I having any other intentions as a 14 year old ...just wanted to be friends with her since she also was into gaming and I kinda found it cool . Within some weeks/months we kinda figured out we liked each other ( yeah Ik what u thinkin- u guys were only 14 so it was nothing serious but don't worry I'm mentioning it for a certain reason) so that was the first time where we admitted to each other that we felt sth beyond friendship and we're all like : Love u, love u 2 etc. Nevertheless this obviously didn't last long and Girl A eventually stopped talking to me which was kinda hard for me as a 14 year old cause it's kinda pain to the soul but after some weeks I even forget bout her and things would have been great in life if she hadn't texted me back after half of a year. Whatsoever what Im talking about right here turned into a pattern u can literally compare to my personal vicious circle . So both me and Girl A grew older and we had these periods where we were all addicted to each other and then not. But don't get me wrong ...for sure both of us had relationships in between but for some reason we always kinda felt attached to each other that's why none of us was able to have a longer lasting relationship. So everything led to the point where I was 17 and so was she. We were truly in love with each other and one of our major boundaries was the distance. She was from the US and I was from Europe . So what could we only do? Well my love and passion towards her went that far that I knew that I'd have to lay some grands aside to pay a plain ticket and a hotel as soon as I graduate which I will pretty soon but I was planning this already one year ago. She seemed to be all looking forward to this too and I truly was wishless at this point . She was all I ever wanted and it seemed like she felt the same bout me :( But then last summer suddenly she stopped talking to me due to a let's say a psychical downfall she had cause by some family problems which I understand and eventually she kinda rejected me after almost 4 years of knowing each other. Ever since she tried telling me to forget her and now is even having a new bf. Nevertheless whenever I'm trying to forget her by also not texting her she eventually texts me so I both kinda feel like she still wants me but I'm not sure and this brings all them feelings and the pain up . I literally don't know what to do cause yeah everyone tells me to forget her and find someone new one but it's neither the problem that I can't find someone nor the fact that I don't want to. My main problem is handling the fact that all the 4 years were useless ... I just can't accept it like I'm not crazy but isn't it human to only act with some sense behind it ? So have I known her for almost 4 years to eventuall erase her out of my brain ? Have I loved her for so long and she did the same for almost as long to eventually give it up and never have the chance to challenge our possibility of bein together. As pathetic as it sounds this girl I never personally met means the freakin world to me and It's sad but true that she is the only girl I ever truly loved. Facing reality and knowing I'm losing her for whatever reason breaks my heart and makes me desperately look for a sense that would explain everything so I could finish up with this chapter in my life...
