Cold break up, Did I do the right thing?
Hi everyone!
It is the first time I'm summarizing my story ever, in order to seek clarity and MOVE ON for good. I need your honest opinion guys, your help in a way, because I'm moving slowly out of this situation and your rational feedback will help me greatly for SURE! Thanks in advance!
SITUATION:
I just got out of a relationship that lasted 4 years.
2 years long distance (him in France, me in Canada).
2 years in Canada.
THE RELATIONSHIP HIGHLIGHTS
We had our good times and less glorious times, mainly because he has a tendency to go chase after other women for validation and that brung a lot of insecurities in me. We discussed that, went through a rough phase where he flirted with another woman.**After that episode, we saw a relationship therapist and that helped us getting closer**. Though! In the very latter stage of the relationship, he admitted having affairs (yes, plural) during the second year of our relationship, when we were long distance and seeing each others every two months.
That turned me off right there, but since we developed a great friendly relationship through the years, we talked about it calmly since I was somehow interested in knowing what was the context, the reasons, etc.. I really thought to myself at that point though, wow 'that guy is a freakin jerk and a liar'. We didn't break up at that point, but a few weeks later, while he was visiting his family and friends in France, I told him over the phone that I had enough and that was it. He agreed, and we remained in contact while he was in France.
When he got back (end of May), we re-fell into each other arms though... But this time, he told me he didn't want us to be together because he was unsure and needed time to figure things out. His decision was made. I guess that since he was so closed to a possible future together, since he had all the control over the situation, I started to feel helpless and I even (oh my!!) tried to talk him through a possible reconciliation and working on our problems, yikes! I'm not proud of it but I'm being honest with you guys.
NOW WHAT?
He is going back for good to France this coming Wednesday. He was still living with me until last Wednesday but I had to ask him to move out of my apartment for the last week before his departure because it was too difficult for me emotionally (he was leaving for long hours everyday, coming back home really late at night, living at my place like it was an hotel). The last few days he was here, my behaviour toward him changed radically. I cut all the communication and since he left, I haven't wrote him a word, no text, no calls, nada. Before that, I was very eager to communicate with him and talking about our situation.
FINAL SCENE
The night before he left my apartment for good, he asked me if we could talk. I was cold as ice and he cried and told me that he was so sorry about all he was doing to me. He came behind me and hugged me saying sorry. He said that he didn't wanted me out of his life, and that he was not moving out of the relationship BECAUSE of me but because he was lost and had to spend some time on its own. He said he has lost his confidence, etc.. We had talked about it before (a lot) and I was sad but remained very rational and cold and cut the conversation in a dry way (I had been very comprehensive before and talked a LOT with him trying to get us through it), I told him that no further discussions where needed, that he now has all the time to figure his things out but that I wanted to cut ALL communications so we could make our new lives separately. We had talked about remaining friends before but I understand through time that being friends was impossible and that it was a very soothing idea for him, to have all my attention, while not being in a relationship together.
I still have obsessions about making this relationship work, it is crazy and irationnal so this is why I'm looking for your opinions, your encouragements, your experiences to keep moving on and letting all this behind me!
THANKS a lot!!
