Third Time's the Charm...?
Hello all. I wanted to get a male's perspective on this since I'm not entirely sure what he's thinking at all, it's just so confusing to me.
In August '07 this guy and I stated dating. We were in high school at the time and lasted 'til February '10. Throughout the relationship I was very snappy. Sometimes I know I hurt his feelings, but eventually I would say sorry and he'd forgive me. I know he loved me through all of that.
In Feb '10 he broke it off because he considered me talking to this one very close friend of mine "emotional cheating". It was a bad breakup. A week after we broke up I went to his house, talked with him. He said give him 3 months to "think about it", confessing to me (When I called 3 months later) that he really just intended for me to move on. Also, he didn't think we should talk or be friends.
I saw him in May at an Anime Convention we had planned on attending together but just went separately for (obviously). Here was my REALLY BIG MISTAKE: I ended up going into crazy stalker idiot mode, freaked him out. He insistently said "goodbye" to me a second time (First time was when he first broke it off with me, and when he says goodbye, it always, always means "You're dead to me") But he got the message that I wanted to convey: I love you. I changed, I won't do that anymore.
I sent him a text in like the middle of June saying I was sorry how I acted there (at the convention). He said he forgave me, please know that he's happier without me in his life, and he wishes me the best of luck in future relationships. I said okay, this is what he wants, now I have to prove that I've changed by not texting him back. I didn't hear from him 'til almost the end of November.
At the end of November he sent a Facebook message saying he saw my mom at work (Both work at the airport) and wanted to see how I'd been. We talked for a while, and it ended up being that he missed me & wanted me back. So we got back together. He explained to me that he came back because he'd been thinking about it and he really did believe that I had changed. That while he was gone, he had been "rebuilding" himself to figure out who he was without me, and that after all that, he "still had me at his core (or... Something to that effect)". We talked about our prior problems, pinpointed issues, dated, everything we had used to do before. He said he loved me, that he promised he'd NEVER leave again, that I was his everything and he was sorry for leaving me all that time. Then I made a mistake.
This Tuesday (Jan. 18) I was having an enormous argument with my mom. Due to my lack of control (I was really, really mad) and stupid miscommunication issues, instead of telling the guy that I was pissed and I would explain later, because I knew I'd snap at him if we talked then, I stupidly snapped at him to "Go away" over texts, which prompted him to reply "Fine, consider him gone."
I was immediately repentant and tried frantically to make amends, trying to explain my situation and tell him that I really didn't mean it. He said he "was tired of this I love you/hate you/love you BS (Remember, I snapped at him a lot before)", that it wasn't high school, that he wasn't sure he wanted to "repair whatever this is", that "this seems like it wouldn't have worked in the long run anyways", lots of hurtful things. He told me goodbye. I texted that I loved him and went home crying after going out for groceries.
On Thursday morning (4AM a day or so later), I received a long text from him saying that he realizes that I HAVE changed, that it was HE who hasn't changed and that it was no one's fault but his own. I was replying, so we had a conversation. I told him I was waiting for him (To come back). He said don't wait, that makes it harder on all of us. He explained that he still really, really loves me and wants to be with me just as much as I want to be with him, but that nowadays because of all that snapping I did before, he ends up thinking "She doesn't love me", even though (As he explains) he knows that I do. He says this drives him nuts, says he can't take it anymore, that he hadn't changed his mind about what he said on Tuesday and thought I deserved a better explanation as to why this was happening. So he said goodbye to me (This is the... Fourth time now), told me he'd never stop loving me, called me his "angel", and said "Someday I hope to overcome this, but I don't know if I can. I'm sorry."
I wanna know what's going on. What's going through his head? Why didn't he speak to me about this issue before... This happened? More importantly, even though no one really knows, will he come back a third time? I really love this guy, never really got over him even though I probably should have since it's been almost a year since we've "really" been together. I've gotten over all my other boyfriends in 1-2 months, but this one is just one I'm not willing to give up. I really think he's the one for me and most of the reason I'm not crying as much as I was before is because I have this... feeling that he WILL come back. But I want some honest perspectives on the situation, if you could. It would be really appreciated.
Some factoids:
-We're both turning 21 this year
-I asked a lot of my friends. Most of them think he'll come back
-I haven't (And don't plan to) "stalk" or "go crazy" on him. That's just one mistake I've learned not to make.
-I wasn't on his friendslist 'til he started talking to me again in November. He's deleted me from his (Facebook) friendslist now.
-I didn't have trouble moving on during the time he left, I had boyfriends and dates (And none of them really felt like a rebound TBH, since I didn't think of the guy then, but whenever the new guys broke up with me, yes, then I'd think of him.)
