We kissed, but now what?

Hello everybody,

I am having a bit of a problem with a guy. I was just wondering what your thoughts would be if you was in his position. I apologise for the length!

I have known this guy for 3 years from college. We spoke briefly in classes, and have always had a 'connection' when having conversations online. We have little phases, sometimes we don't speak for a month or so, and then we talk again.

We have this connection in person, but we haven't met up much. The first time I went for a walk with him in the countryside, this was a year ago (nothing happened) then a month or so after I went to his house and we just sat on his bed and talked (nothing happened) then we didn't meet up after that until a 2 months ago. I went to the cinema and his house again, and as I was about to get into my car, he took my hands. I knew he wanted to kiss me, but I didn't give him eye contact, and instead we hugged.

Last week I went to see him, and this time we kissed for a long time. I kept telling him I had to go home as it was going on 2 in the morning, and he kept saying, 'I know' but kept kissing me. He didn't move his hands anywhere indecent, we just hugged and kissed. He seemed genuinely happy and ran his hands through my hair, stroked my face, held my hand... he was a gentleman. He text me the next morning asking if we could meet up the next day - and I said yes, text me tomorrow. He didn't.
Then the next day he said he was tired and had been asleep all day.

I thought that was fair enough, as he has been working long hours, and he is also in a band. I decided to surprise him and turn up to see his band play a gig the next night. I noticed he saw me coming into the entrance, and I pretended not to see him. I had just showed my ID, and noticed he'd come to speak to someone who was at the entrance. I walked passed and he looked round saying hello, I said hi and walked on.
Later, he came to speak to me. He didn't come greet me with a hug or a kiss, he sort of came and spoke to me casually, but he did have an open smile like the night we kissed. He would wonder off after each time he would briefly speak to me. For a while he stood in front of me, but acted as if I wasn't there.

So I went up to speak to him as he was packing his equipment away, and he asked if I was going out after. I said yes, and he said he maybe too. But then my friends didn't want to go out, so I asked if I could go out with him. I felt like he was a bit cold, saying that he may only go out for half an hour and he would feel bad if I stayed out. I took this as him blowing me off, so I replied distantly: "fine, see you in 2 weeks, I'm going back to stay at Uni" Unfortunately, I had had a few glasses of wine! He acted indifferently, and said he would come visit me if he had time, and then he said he better carry on packing away his kit. He gave me a two hugs and a kiss on the cheek and told me to text him when I woke up. I shook my head (being drunk) and said bye.

The next afternoon, I text apologising for my drunkenness. I said he was more welcome to come stay with me at Uni. I went away to Uni for 4 days or so but had to come back as the landlord was doing some work - throughout this time, he didn't reply to my text.

I went out with some friends, and I saw him in a bar. As I walked past he caught eyes with me, and said hello. I replied hi back and semi turned to carry on walking, he then called out, you alright? and I stopped to talk. He smiled again openly, and we did speak for a while. But he didn't greet me with a hug or anything. I think I may have been a bit distant with him, as I didn't know what to say to him or how to act, and I avoided long eye contact with him. He was mainly asking the questions, but the conversation sort of fell. I said I was going to go outside to get some air, and that was that.

I know may have been a bit cool with him, but it was because of the fact we haven't really spoke since the night of the kiss. He hasn't text, and he is online but never talks to me like usual. He definitely gave signs to lead up to the kiss, but I made the first move and kissed him.

As a person he is very laid back, and I remember him saying to me a while ago that he is scared of falling in love because he has so much going on in his life at the moment. He said he doesn't want any distractions. This was last year though.

Did I come on too strong after we kissed? After the gig, I decided I would text him once and then let him come to me after that. But he hasn't, and it has been over a week since I saw him at the bar. Is he just playing me? Does he seem indifferent? Or am I just being impatient.

Should I try speaking to him?

I hope above made sense, I am so upset not hearing from him, I don't know what to do!

Thank you in advance

Z

Hey, it's really hard to say what he is thinking. Maybe it is like you said and he is afraid to get into a relationship. For myself, I just posted something in another forum that I have been wanting a relationship for years now, and a nice, cool girl has started talking to me (now that i stopped looking lol) and it kind of scares me a little bit.

This guy kind of sounds like me in a way....just that maybe he doesn't really know what he wants. He probably does like you, but maybe wonders about other girls so he's scared to get involved with one? He really doesn't sound like a guy that would play you from what you said in your post. And if you have felt this connection, it seems as though he feels it too.

I'm really not sure what to tell you....it's kind of got to be your choice in the end. But a couple of ideas for you: You could ask him out on a date and get a feel for how things go. Or you could just ask him to go for a casual walk where the two of you are alone and can talk. Or you could just play it cool for now and focus on other things and see if you get over him, or he may start to miss you and contact you.

What do you feel would be right? What are your pros and cons on each?

Well, what do you want from him? If you want a relationship with him, then you need to show him you are interested. Don't be afraid to put yourself out there for him, he will like this. You more than likely rubbed him the wrong way when you said "fine see you in 2 weeks", he was definitely looking for you to tell him its ok if he doesn't stay out long and he shouldn't feel bad. He was looking to see if you were going to show him you wanted to spend time with him. He seems like he's a bit shy, but he genuinely likes you. He doesn't want to mess up or seem stupid if you don't like him the same. You should try to contact him and see him, this time make SURE you're giving him all the right signs. If you get a chance for another makeout session, see if he will make the move. If he doesnt, then you do it. then make sure you follow up the next day, but wait to see if he texts you first like he did before. When he texted you the next morning asking to see you, this was a very good sign, he probably couldn't stop thinking about you after you left. But he may have felt he was coming on too strong, so he didn't text you when he said he would. If he ever does this again, just contact him like you normally would, and act like everything is normal. Don't let him know you were wondering why he didn't text you. If you stay persistent, but don't make yourself too available to him, he will start to like you more and more. Make sure he doesn't feel too pressured, and he should start to show you he's interested. If he doesn't, then maybe he's just not interested. But if you think he likes you and isn't showing it, and you are talking to him often drama-free, go ahead and ask him how he feels. He will like the attention whether he shows it or not.