It feels as though my partner is always looking to criticise me .
He criticises the way I work , how long I work for, what I do when I get home, how many chores I do, how much money I give him, how I behave at family parties ( not paying him enough attention ) how I neglect his needs generally.
From my part I do my level best . He even blames when I get ill on me not looking after myself properly.
How much notice do I give him, if I dont feel I can do anything right?
Just break it off. Relationships aren't supposed to be stressful like this.
How much notice to you give him? What, is he your employer too?Quote:
Originally Posted by kates [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Chickie.. just tell him you have one nerve left and he just used it up... Bubbye!
Thanks, I meant how much notice should I pay to the criticisms.:)
He has a health issue and I think this is behind some of his own frustrations but it truly gets me down.
I really appreciate your candid responses.
Insecurity (his) and control. If he keeps eyes on your "flaws" it keeps attention off of his.Quote:
Originally Posted by kates [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
It's also controlling behavior. The best part? They change the rules. You try your best to conform to what he wants, and he'll change what he claims he wants. It's also a GREAT way to avoid blame if things go wrong - "If you'd just done it how I told you to, it would've been great. Now you've ruined it and it's all your fault."
You should pay no attention to his criticisms... in fact, you should pay no attention to him whatsoever. Find someone that isn't abusive instead.Quote:
Originally Posted by kates [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Stop him when he gets abusive. Just DO NOT allow him to talk to you that way. A simple "stop that right now.. I'll not tolerate your verbal abuse a minute longer" is sometimes all it takes to make someone realize that they are an asshole. (He is an asshole btw).Quote:
Originally Posted by kates [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
If after you consistently not enabling him to do what he does, if he does not stop his crap then you tell him goodbye and get out or, you say goodbye and you leave. Don't give him any chance to make his shitty existence your fault. NONE! Make it clear to him that you will not tolerate it a moment longer.
You guys are right, for sure. I have done some of those things , but guess what ... i have not followed them through, so it justifies his opinion of me being weak too. he says I am sensitive and can't face truth, but then complains about my lack of attention for him. We patch up for a while and it happens again. Its driving me to tears.
But now I see that I have tried to create a better life with him , for him and for me too, but you are right ! when ever I do one thing it means I havent done another.
Until I am in a position to move out, ( finances etc ) I am steering clear and compiling a list of all his complaints.
Do I make an effort or should I admit defeat on this one?
Quote:
Originally Posted by kates [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I think only you can answer that question. You can leave now if you have no love left for him or, you can try to be consistant in you not letting him treat you poorly while letting him know right now that if it keeps up, you'll be heading stage left. (Keep saving your money so you'll have first and last months rent accumulated just in case he is unable to change his poor behaviour towards you).
If you break up with him and move out, you will come to see that it's not a defeat - it's a win.Quote:
Originally Posted by kates [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Life is too short to put up with crap, especially from somebody who should be on your side. Dump the idiot.
Boisdevie . yep you are right.I am getting my act together as we speak.
Please... In the future.. do nip it in the bud the minute anyone disrespects you verbally or emotionally again. Do not settle to be someone's whipping post past the second insult, demean or disrespect. Let them know that it is not acceptable to you. Physical abuse, IMO, doesn't even warrant a second chance. Get out immediately.
All the best to you.