Having sex with someone you loved 10 years ago... just sex or relationship possible?

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14-04-12, 05:01 AM
inflorescence

Having sex with someone you loved 10 years ago... just sex or relationship possible?

The first guy I fell in love with was at a summer camp when I was 14, we never did anything more than kiss. We have kept decent contact over the last 11 years since then. We have both been in very serious relationships that involved talking about marriage/kids etc... but clearly none of that worked out.
We saw each other for the first time in years in December and saw each other literally for hours every day for about a week and just talked (He lives about 5 hours away from the city I'm in and I was there visiting family). We texted back and forth for months after that week, usually getting drunk texts from him saying he wanted to meet up and test the waters. He also would send similar messages when sober.

One day he sent me a message saying we shouldnt talk for awhile and I asked him why. He said he thought I was way more invested in him then he was in me, (Which I found very strange because he was usually the one who initiated contact) I laughed and said that was not the case, and that I was not necessarily looking for a relationship, but that I was very attracted to him.... he changed his tune and said he would still like to meet up again then.

Again he messaged me regularly and one day he called saying he thought it might be a great idea if he came up for the weekend. I blew him off cause I already had plans and was busy with work... he seemed disappointed. Just before Easter he asked if I would like to come up for the weekend or me go down, but again I blew him off, (I'm a busy girl and did not want to sound too available) instead I said that I would come up for a day. He then proceeded to convince me to stay for more than that saying I could bring my work with me, I figured it could work.

Well, I went and we had amazing sex... AMAZING! I can't believe we never did that before, lol. It was passionate, thoughtful and intimate.... he has an incredible body and a great cock. He kept saying how gorgeous and sexy I was. It didn't feel like just random sex, maybe it was because he had known each other so long... he would even kiss me or hold my hand in public. He said he can't believe we never did that before, and it felt like yesterday the last time we kissed. There was no talk about a relationship. But there was many emotional conversations that you typically dont have with just a person you're hooking up with....(But our circumstance is a little different, I have met his parents, sister and all of his friends-and visa versa) We also went out on mini dates while I was there, he introduced me to his running club he runs with every weekend, treated me to dinner, coffee, and entertainment. His co-workers even saw me drop him off at work and him kiss me. I don't know if this was just companion time/sex relief.. and I don't really know how to approach it from here.

How can I figure out if he wants more? How can I approach this so I might have a chance? I want to give him his space cause I would HATE to be that overbearing chick after a sex, but I don't want him to think I was just using him for the sex (I am interested in him more than just that... but I dont want to scare him off) He's very focused on his career and me mine... and I have no intention of moving, and long distance sucks balls.

Any thoughts would be great! (Please be brutally honest, I can handle it.)
14-04-12, 01:08 PM
Wakeup

Lets see: You've been chatting with him for years and you told him that you didn't like him better than he liked you when he shit tested you and then after saying that, you slept with him. Now that you've done that, you want to know how to handle him because you are interested in having more than just sex with him but you have no intentions of ever moving to where he lives and you don't like long distance relationships.. Oh, and you don't want him to think that You're using Him. haha.

I guess you didn't think any of this out before you went ahead and flew by the crotch of your pants, eh?
I think you pretty much know what you DON'T want. How about you figure out what you DO want and then you discuss that with him and if he agrees, Yea. If he doesn't, then you make a decision to either accept his proposal, or detach and say bubbye.

If you negotiate a mutually agreed to Fkbuddy situ.. Try not to get yourself addicted to the sex on a casual basis. You'll find yourself stagnated in a state of limbo and unmotivated to find a partner that will give you good sex and actually be a loving partner as well.
15-04-12, 05:49 AM
inflorescence

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Lets see: You've been chatting with him for years and you told him that you didn't like him better than he liked you when he shit tested you and then after saying that, you slept with him.

He didn't say he liked me. But his constant messages and communication, suggestion to meet up kind of told me so.... guess he just liked the goods?

I did think about it. ALOT, especially on the several hour drive to his city. Weeks before as I said he had sent me a text saying, "I don't think we should talk anymore, I hope you understand" When I asked why, "you're more invested in this then I am." Suggestion he did not like me. (are you telling me it was all a test to see my interest level? And that he very well in fact likes me? If I didn't respond the way I did he might have completely written me off which I think would be way worse-I don't want him to not be in my life.) F, I read that so wrong... I figured I would rather have him in my life then not at all... I did tell him I liked him but was not ready for a relationship.... (Very true, Im a big ball of baggage due to a 2 year extremely violent relationship and fear of commitment that stemmed from. I do however feel comfort with him and trust him, maybe because I know him/his family and friends or that he has always been romantic and a gentlemen to me...).

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I guess you didn't think any of this out before you went ahead and flew by the crotch of your pants, eh?

I did fly by the crotch of my pants, *sigh*... I have wanted him for years and years... and was a horny horny girl... bad bad bad... And now I have probably messed up any chances of having a relationship with the best man I have ever known in my life... I should have just been honest. F! *slaps hand against head* DOH!

He got out of a relationship about 6 months ago where she was obsessed with marriage and babies and I don't think he wants to jump into anything serious either... the sad thing is, if we were both stable and with it I know we would make a great couple.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Try not to get yourself addicted to the sex on a casual basis.

Thanks for your honesty. I am addicted to sex with people I care about... Guess I should have told him I don't consider it casual. :(... not much I can do now.
16-04-12, 01:24 AM
Wakeup

Well, there's always telling him the truth and him being truthful back. Seems the two of you have been lying to one another about your feelings for one another for at least 10 years now.

Just be sure of what you want so you can actually tell him the truth. No point flying by the seat of your pants yet again.
16-04-12, 09:30 PM
haxan

Quote:

Originally Posted by inflorescence [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

How can I figure out if he wants more?

You don't have to figure it out, we let you know. There's nothing magical you have to do or ask, men are pretty good about taking what we want and making it ours exclusively when it's available.

Just watch trying to gloss over the fact that 'now' you could be an easy hookup for a day or weekend, when nothing else is going on, so your common sense has to filter that out. Like I said, you'll know if you're special, no need to ask.
17-04-12, 01:02 AM
smackie9

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Well, there's always telling him the truth and him being truthful back. Seems the two of you have been lying to one another about your feelings for one another for at least 10 years now.

Just be sure of what you want so you can actually tell him the truth. No point flying by the seat of your pants yet again.

I agree with this. You need to be truthful with him. If the truth scares him off then so be it......why leave it and let it become more of a mess later.