really don’t know what other forum to put this in I just need advice. Please.
I was raped by my sister’s boyfriend a few years ago. I was date raped once before What happened with my sisters boyfriend is I was sleeping and woke up to him molesting me and much other stuff. I just froze with fear and sickness. Since I was raped before fighting and “no” didn’t work I just froze with utter fear.
I kept it to myself for years. It ate away at my mental health and still is. I suffer from PTSD, depression, anger issues, and anxiety. My sex life is anything from normal. I have no sex drive and the idea of sex just starts stressing me out to the point of tears.
I finally told my sister a few months ago. Of course she flips but only five days later he proposes and now they are engaged. They have a daughter I'm very worried out who is only eight. When she was not even 4 I witnessed her doing sexual poses by putting her hand on the ground humping then morning.
It hurts me soooo much that she forgave him in 5 days. Not only that but she blames me. So does my whole my family. My mother made me feel like crap about it. I lost my friends when it happened. I told them and they started ignoring me. I have nobody on my side at all, I’m all alone.
I have nightmares all the time that just started about being paralyzed and molested. I cut myself now. I cant handle sex. I think of death every day.
I don’t remember what its like to be happy. Pills don’t work. Please god help me.
It doesn’t matter that I didn’t fight back. He came to me while sleeping. From the rape before to my Uncles mental abuse I get daily I froze. I talked to doctors and they say I was still considered rape.
I have so much I can say.
The reason I didnt tell anyone was because I thought nobody would believe me or that they would take his side. Well my fears came true.