Ex-Girlfriend Complications!

Hi guys!

I'm a first-year Uni student and first met my boyfriend (let's call him Ben) the week after freshers. He had a girlfriend who lives in New Zealand at the time (he'd taken a gap year there) who he was deeply in love with, and he cheated on her by sleeping with me several times within the first month of uni (Typical uni lifestyle..)
After going on holiday with her in November I became really good friends with him, and, along with five other people, we signed a contract together for a house next year. However, he and his girlfriend decided to break up as, because she lives so far away, they won't see each other for at least a year... and so after christmas, Ben told me he really liked me as more than a friend, and as i've always had feelings for him, we started dating, and have now been going out for four months.
However, I stupidly read his facebook messages when drunk and found many messages from him and his ex saying about how much they were still in love, dating all the way to march (when i'd been going out with him for two months), and they still frequently skype/phone/send letters. I know he still cares loads for her, and i worry that he still loves her and is simply 'passing time' with me until he sees her next. I've brought it up with him but it's led to several arguments, as he claims they are simply just friends. Obviously, he means a lot to me as we've been great friends as well as a couple... although i'm not sure if i actually love him or not.
Also, he is still listed as "single" on facebook. as you can probably tell, i'm useless at expressing my feelings to him. The main problemo is the fact i'm living with him next year no matter what, arghh!

Any advice?!

Thanks :) xxx

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Originally Posted by Cloe1 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Hi guys!

I'm a first-year Uni student and first met my boyfriend (let's call him Ben) the week after freshers. He had a girlfriend who lives in New Zealand at the time (he'd taken a gap year there) who he was deeply in love with, and he cheated on her by sleeping with me several times within the first month of uni (Typical uni lifestyle..)
After going on holiday with her in November I became really good friends with him, and, along with five other people, we signed a contract together for a house next year. However, he and his girlfriend decided to break up as, because she lives so far away, they won't see each other for at least a year... and so after christmas, Ben told me he really liked me as more than a friend, and as i've always had feelings for him, we started dating, and have now been going out for four months.
However, I stupidly read his facebook messages when drunk and found many messages from him and his ex saying about how much they were still in love, dating all the way to march (when i'd been going out with him for two months), and they still frequently skype/phone/send letters. I know he still cares loads for her, and i worry that he still loves her and is simply 'passing time' with me until he sees her next. I've brought it up with him but it's led to several arguments, as he claims they are simply just friends. Obviously, he means a lot to me as we've been great friends as well as a couple... although i'm not sure if i actually love him or not.
Also, he is still listed as "single" on facebook. as you can probably tell, i'm useless at expressing my feelings to him. The main problemo is the fact i'm living with him next year no matter what, arghh!

Any advice?!

Thanks :) xxx

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I am sorry but this relationship is doomed from the start in my opinion. If he cheated on the girl he was 'deeply in love with' with you, then what makes you think he won't do the same to you? I know this is the last thing that you want to here, but GET OUT. That's right...get out of this relationship as fast as possible, especially when you KNOW he is still in love with this other girl. And those feelings for her most likely wont ever go away, if anything, they will get stronger because he can't see her. Distance makes the heart grow fonder?

Anyways, I have been in a similar situation where the girl cheated on her boyfriend with me (she ended up cheating on me). It is almost impossible to ever trust that girl, it will drive you crazy. And speaking from my personal experience, it makes it a lot harder to trust people in your future relationships. Just my two cents.

So, he cheated on his ex-girlfriend with you. Now you are wondering how to rid yourself of these incessant feeling that he's cheating (at least emotionally) on you.

Look at your situation. You never really came together out of genuine interest in the first place. Seems like he was lonely and wanted somewhere to put his little Ben every now and then. If he really respected you and his now ex, he wouldn't have kickstarted something with you before leaving her.

This guy is very unsure of what he wants in life in general it seems. College is a huge transition for people. Your freshman self and your senior self are very different people. Did you guys ever discuss dating exclusively, or did you just assume that because he said he liked you that you were then his girlfriend?

Yeah, get out. That's the short and sweet of it.

Relationships that start out based in infidelity generally have a low success rate. If you can, leave him. If you have to stay because of the housing issues, then there's two things you can do. You can be civil and try to distance yourself from him -- more like roommates than an item... or... you can accept the idea that he'll cheat on you and carry on.

That's all I can see for you: leave, regress the relationship to friendship, or accept his cheating.

You were easy access for him. Sorry. A lonely guy away from his girlfriend has 2 options: get laid locally, or not. This guy rather satisfy his needs by using you.
It was way too easy. Do you think a guy who uses you for sex would respect you in any way? If you think he would stop cheating, that is just fantasy.
I wish I were like him....maybe my heart wouldn't be so burdensome, and my cock would smile more often.

Sorry but he toy'd with you. you were an easy lay. If the guy is willing to cheat on his old gf whats to say he wouldnt cheat on you just as easy? You guys should have laid it out right from the get-go that this is a friends with benefits relationship and nothing more. Thinking it is anything else youre kidding yourself and in for a world of heartache.

Its what I do, anytime I have a friend w/ benefits (when Im single of course) we come to an agreement- this is only for sex so dont get attached.



I would probably make an awesome prostitute -_-