Is it strange to be a 26 year old virgin in my situation and do many women mind?

To cut a very long story short my girlfriend passed away in a car accident when I was 17 and we were close from basically the day we were born and were going to get married when we turned 18 but my life didn't turn out the way I had planned and I went through depression. I chose to blame myself for my girlfriend's death and I become an alcoholic and got addicted to cocaine because I thought it was the best way to drown my pain and tried ending my life just so I could be with her again but I am still here today and after all those years I can say I am one hundred percent clean. I don't drink or do any forms of illegal drugs and I have turned my whole life around but I still feel empty on the inside.

As much as I love her I want to move on because I don't want to live my life alone but there is a part of me that is afraid of getting close to another woman because I might lose them too and that might sound strange to some people but the last woman I got close to a few years ago who was my closest friend passed away too so I feel like I have been cursed and I am not sure what I did wrong. I am not looking to lose my virginity just for the sake of it or I would have just gone to a prostitute and to be honest I am starting to think I might be asexual because I don't think about sex or have any sexual urges and believe my sex drive died when I lost my old girlfriend and maybe the best thing would be to date an asexual woman.

I currently work as a musician, songwriter, music journalist and a part time teacher and some people might think having money makes you happy but I would trade it all in for just a few minutes with my old girlfriend because none of it means a cent to me. I still miss close to a decade later and some days I think I should have been the one who had passed away that day because she had more to live for than me and she was very talented and never got to show the world that. When I lost her I didn't just lose my girlfriend, I lost my best friend. Our Mothers were best friends so we basically were very close from when we were born and grew up together and for 17 years I only loved one person.