Dealing with my abuser being in my life and my boyfriend not liking it

I was raped by a close friend when i was 15. he was 16. Its a long story but he stayed a part of my life for a long time.he was an addiction in a way. I have not seen him in two years but we occasionally speak.. lately i've been have reacurring thoughts of what happend to me. I want to see my abuser again just to see who he is today and maybe get some answers or closure from him. My Boyfriend is NOT OK with this at all, rightfully so i suppose but this is for me, I feel like i need this to move on or at least feel like im heading in that direction for awhile.

I know seeing this guy isnt healthy, but i know he wouldnt force me again, i know i wont get hurt. and i dont want anyone to tell me to get help. i know i need help 6 years ago when it happend.

how do i make my boyfriend understand i need this? he wants me to cut all contact with him and I want that to, just not right now. I need to be able to tell myself i tried hard enough to get answers.

how does someone close "rape" you and he is still part of your life and is an addiction???? I don't think it's rape....

I can't understand why you want us to give advice on how to go about doing something that isn't healthy for you to be doing? It's not healthy for your psyche, your ego, your safety or your relationship.

You're asking us to give you permission to have another hit of your drug of choice if you say you were addicted to him/it/what he did with or to you?????

Sorry, I'll not help you or anyone get another hit of what they've been addicted to.

Your boyfriend probably wants to hit him.

you really need to explain yourself a bit better..... how did this "rape" happen? Did this 16 yr old friend of yours use a date rape drug? Did he force himself on you when you told him not to and he outpowered you while you kicked and screamed? We need details in order for us to understand whether you are not just a crazy person....because from your OP, it sounds like your a crazy person who enjoys thinking she was raped

Why would you even want to confront him about this? He will just deny it anyways or he may not even remember b/c he was probably high. This would just make it worse for you. Seek out counceling instead. Talking to a therapist that specialzes in rape is a much better option to help you move on from this. If cost is an issue, there are womens support groups that are privately funded, so it will cost you nothing.

I think YOU should rape HIM. That'll show him!

i get that you don't want to hear that you need professional help....but you need professional help. seriously.

and i just want to stress that i didn't mean that in a negative way, like there's something wrong with you- this is absolutely not the case. there is nothing wrong with seeking help dealing w/ abuse, even years after the fact- it's never too late! best of luck