I am a big joke to my old friends.
Don't feel like you have to read this, I don't need advice, I'm just bitching and moaning because I need a place to vent.
I used to have a circle of friends about a year ago I was pretty tight with. Our friendships soured over the fact that all the females in the group had really good for nothing husbands, would constantly tell me how horrible they are, and I told them how I felt. My husband doesn't hide his feelings, he didn't respect the men in the group, and we were basically exiled. The funny thing is, I didn't expect these guys to be super successful, but one of them had 13 jobs in the course of one year because he couldn't keep a job, and the other refused to work more than 20 hours minimum wage because he was waiting to be 'discovered' for other talents. The wives were also expected to clean, and support their husband's various hobbies financially, it was a sick situation.
It was two other couples, and because of choices they've made in life they were really struggling. The one I was closest to didn't finish high school, and we worked at the same place. While working there, despite the fact I came in two years after her, I excelled because I took classes and achieved my degree. I could tell she was a little bitter about it, so I actively pursued trying to get her to take college classes and do the same. The fact is with healthcare reform going on she may not always have that job available so she needs to make herself marketable, and work will pay for school... she chose not to go because she has to work two jobs already to support her and her deadbeat husband.
Well, I was doing really well where I worked but decided it wasn't what I wanted to do with my life. I quit my job where I was making good money to follow my dream of becoming a police officer. There was like 130 applications, and due to my test scores I was #5. I rocked everything. The run, push ups, sit ups, background check, polygraph, psych evaluation, and then it came up to the oral review board. I had to get a 70, and I got a 69. They said that I needed a greater command presence, and they didn't think I was committed because my degree was unrelated. I got my degree because it was paid for by my work, I thought it was being smart to do so. I am glad I didn't get the job because of affirmative action, but I have to wait a whole year to try out again, and I still have no command presence. I'm 5'5, 110 lbs, I have braces, and there isn't much I can do about it.
Come to find out, I am a big ongoing joke for following your dream. They mock me because of where I was then and where I am now. It shouldn't bother me, but I can't believe how much I failed. Oh, the women love my husband though, and talk about how good he is to be so supportive of me, and how they feel bad he has to take care of me... I'm his WIFE... mother of his child. I work my ass off to try to do something good with my life that I like and could have a future in, what do their husbands do? Sit around playing video games!
If I wait a whole year, I still may not make it next time, in fact, my hearing is so bad I may not pass that portion of the application process (it was the last step after the oral review board). So I sit at home with no idea what to do.