8.5 year relationship over.... kill me... Want her back and need advice..
Although I would like to type every last detail I will keep it brief. I have been with the love of my life for 8.5 years, ages 16-24. The relationship was great with exception of a small rough patch 2 years ago (she kissed another guy) as well as we became an "old married" couple. Even after the rough patch we never broke up, never went on a break, we have ALWAYS been together. She did everything for me... and all she wanted was to get married. Due to the rough patch a few years ago, I was not quite ready for marriage.. I wanted to be 100% certain she was the one. So, I asked her if we could go on a break, reconnect with our friends, have some time apart so I can get myself ready for marriage.
This was VERY hard for her, she cried a lot, blew up my phone, sent me voice memos, etc. Told me she was waiting on me, told me she wanted back together, told me she was my soul mate, told me all of these things.... Also, over this 2 month break, she would still come over on the weekend and we would be intimate. Although we were broken up, I still had her, she was still mine, I didnt see other women. The break wasnt helping me figure out the answers I was looking for because I hadnt lost her.....that is until last week. She came over and was cold to me for the first time, we didnt kiss, hug, or anything. At that instance I knew I lost her. At that instance I knew I loved her and she was the one for me. I knew that I couldnt live without her. This was the answer I was looking for, this was the resolution I wanted to come to in my mind. It actually made me happy to realize I couldnt live without her.
But it looks like I am too late....it turns out she found a guy to fill the void I left her. An old friend of hers she turned to to help her through the break up. As of 1 week ago, they started being intimate and "dating". For the past 5 days I have been on my knees, crying, begging, apologizing, making promises to her... she listens and cries but thats where it stops.... Sunday I drove her around to all of our favorite memory spots and afterwards I got down on one knee and asked her to spend the rest of her life with me... she said she couldnt.
She still says she loves me, she will even sends me a text saying she loves me but yet, her free time is spent with the deuch she is seeing... and not with me. I have now taken the approach of not begging and suffocating her, but just staying silent. Trying to make her feel the fear/pain of losing me like I felt so her mind would be clear like mine. The only problem is she already felt that pain through this "break" and has gotten past it somehow. I hold little hope that she will come back to me. But my heart is so broke I cant eat, I cant sleep, I cant function. I am lost. I hate to play the "ignore her" or "make her jealous" game but I feel those are the only options I have left. I need her back.
I have no idea what to gain from putting this on the internet. I just needed to type it out and maybe get some feedback. I just want to crawl in a hole and die.
