Loner by Nature? *This is long...
Hi guys, i've had something on my mind for a while now, but just can't bring myself to talk to my friends about it. Thus, i turn to you...
I've been going out with this girl for almost a year now--just about 10 months. She is my first g'f and i am her first b'f. Lately, tho, i've been feeling much different about our relationship.
THere are many things that have me questioning this. First, i feel very much weighed down by the relationship. I mean, there isn't another girl, and it's not that i don't have feelings for her, it's just that i'm feeling very weighted. We used to talk all the time online until her internet broke. That was about 3 months or so ago, and since that time, she'll call every night at about midnight, and talk till at least 1 or 130. Also, since it's summer, she's been wanting to go out 2 or 3 times a week, and i frankly dont' want to see her that much. I like to have time for myself and for friends and for family, and it just seems like too much her-time.
Another thing that bothers me is that She'll always say how much she misses me, even if i had seen her the day before or even taht night. But i really don't feel the same way. I never really have "missed" someone. I've been on some long trips, one lasting 3 weeks in Australia, and when people ask "did you miss me?" i say yes, but i really didn't, i could have stayed out there for who knows how long witout actually missing anyone, even my closest friends.
In addition, we rarely have anything to do. So usually i'll dread saturdays when i go out with her, cuz all we end up doing is sitting in her basement watching a movie or something. And all that sitting around leads to the inevitable kissing/making out. And, even tho that is nice, it just seems to me like a lot of work and is kind of boring. I don't feel that i want to take it further than just kissing, but i often find myself just wanting to leave and go home, even tho she wants me to stay. And i'm not even supposed to be out past 12 (cinderella license), but it seems weird/rude to be looking at my watch while we're kissing and just stop to up and go when midnight rolls around (even tho i usually want to go by theN).
And so we come to the dilemma...i don't want to lose her as a friend because she is very nice and funny, and i like her and her friends and her family. I also realize that if we break up, chances of me finding someone as inexperienced with relationships and understanding and unaware of any mistakes i might be making as she would. I feel that since we're both a first for eachother, it's a learning experience we're on together, so neither of us has to worry about kissing bad or whatever, since neither of us know better. But i just feel like the relationship is getting to be too much, especially with college looming in the not-too-distant future (a week). She says she loves me, and i say i love her, but i dont' think i really know what love is at all. What i thought love was, i dont' feel for her, and what i feel for her, is just the love of one friend for another, not <i>love</i>-love.
So basically i have no idea what to do about this. I don't want to hurt her feelings, but i understand that i can't continually try to make people happy at the expense of my own feelings and what i want. Please offer any advice you can give. And sorry for such a long post, i've been thinking about this for many nights...
-=CAL=-
dont know what to do myself
I have been with my b/f for about 7 months. I feel that things have changed for me. Its weird because my feelings have been very strong for him but latley i have been questioning weather he is right for me, if i love him. I have been feelig very preasured to be someone who im not. i have been feeling very weighted too. I mean i am very busy, we both are and sometimes i just want to be by myself or with my family or with firends & i get tired of coming over and having to leave at 3 4 or 5am in the morning, sometimes its just better if i stay home. when i want to hang out with my friends thats a problem too and i get this guilt trip, and its annoying! its funny that i feel this way because i am usually the girl that always gets very attatched, but in the past 6 months i have let go of alot of childish things, like jelousy, being controlling and really being dependent on someone. i depend on myself now.
I have been qustioning everything about our relationship. I have been thinking if we really have anything in common and you know what i dont think we do . Latley our realtionship has been alot of agruing and picking on eachother and then we have makeup sex, then i go home.
For about two weeks now i have been feeling like being in a relationship is not the best thing for me. and seriously i dont know what to do about it. i have no answers for you my friend.