Feeling Numb

Hi guys me again just posted the thread below this one. New question though which has been bugging me for ages. When I was with this girl, I felt emotionally numb to her and I got this dull ache in my solar plexus area when I thought about it. Same after she broke up with me. I was upset for a few days after but not as long as I expected I would. All my feelings towards her just seemed half arsed. The thing is in my head she was perfect and I wanted to fall in love with her but I couldn't. Anyone else get this?

The obvious answer would be that I didnt like her that much, but I was so psyched to be going out with her and stuff (she was my first real girlfriend). But just before our relationship started I was diagnosed with OCD which had been triggered a few weeks before. My Nan also passed away during our relationship. I also felt numb when my Nan died as well. I was close to my Nan and I loved her but in my gut there was nothing. Same feeling. In the end all that happened was I felt guilty for not feeling how I thought I ought to feel. I think my ex kinda sensed this anyway: think it might be part of the reason she broke up with me. Any idea's its been bugging me for ages.

Does depression and OCD affect this kind of stuff? Also I havent really had a crush on a girl for about a year and a half now, I used to have loads. Could this be an asexual stage or something? Im 20 for your information. Any help would be most appreciatedl.

Are you on OCD meds?

nope not yet I'm kinda against medication though. May be worth looking into. My therapist hasn't discussed it with me yet but I'm close to asking.

What does your therapist say about your emotional disconnect?

I don't know I will ask tomorow though when I next see her. I'm really confused because its a question no one seems to be able to answer.

I honestly don't know if there is a correlation between OCD and romantic interest in somebody, I can't help but think that meds wouldn't increase your feelings for somebody else. Wish they made a pharmaceutical love potion? I instantly thought of the movie Garden State when I read your post.

I'm guessing that it more borders on a kind of depression or possibly low self esteem issues. I'm just saying this having experience with both. I've had three fantastic women in my life that seemingly wanted to give me everything and were head over heels in love with me, and I just didn't care. At first I did everything you would expect a fantastic boyfriend to do and it was all fun and exciting during that honeymoon stage. After a couple months, and they already admitting they were in love with me, I kind of just checked out. Gave the bare minimum, didn't care, and actually got annoyed with they cared about me and wondered what was wrong with me. I in a way sabatoged the relationships and when it was over, I rarely cared also except for the last one. My last girlfriend seemed perfect, the hottest girl I ever been with, smart, funny, everything. She would try her hardest with me and I just took it for granted. Alot of it stemmed from my problems and how I was unhappy with myself and even felt like I didn't deserve what I had. I kind of feel like at times I just float through life and don't really care about anything.

I could be way off but that's something I know about. Maybe you can relate, maybe not.

I have personal issues like self esteem and confidence, but I didnt take her for granted at all. Sometimes it does feel like I don't care about things, but then other times its the complete opposite. I don't know. But its the same when my nan died and stuff. Just seems odd that I get ocd then suddenly I feel nothing. I liked girls in the past with almost an uncomfortable level and you get the fuzzy feeling ynow but they never came to anything. then this girl comes along and nothing. sure i could move onto the next girl but it could be the same. I heard some couples dont have that beginning 'crush' stage and go on to have succesful marriages/ long relationships. maybe im one of those people. thanks for the reply.

also found on another forum that people who are married and then develop ocd feel the same way about there partners: nothing. weird.