click, please?

I recently broke up with my bf of one year. The relationship hasn't been stable for some time, and a night argument set it off. Since, we've broken up before (5-10 times during the year, but we would get back together after 2-3 days) the feeling wasn't new to me. I got upset and although I refrained from crying (i usually sob in these situations) I still felt horrible. It wasn't so much missing my ex as just being alone, for the first time since I was 11. Strange? I know, please don't lecture me. I'm 16 and I have been in 2 relationships. My first bf was with me for 4 years. We started off slowly and he lived 5 hours away so the first year didn't have much advancement. But for the last two years we were very involved and very much in love (insert adult gasp here). The reason I broke up with my first bf was because of my second one (the ex, at present). I met him, became infatution (even though he had a gf and i had a bf). We tried to avoid relations since we were both involved but it was inevitable. We couldn't really stop it. So, we both dumped our partners and began dating. Things were great, then shaky, then amazing, and then even shakier. So, I'm at this point. We broke up and have been for the past almost week. I dreaded being alone the first day. I don't usually sit home all day, which is what I ended up doing. We spent so much time together that we started neglecting some friends and depended on each other for our social lives.

The second day I got desperate for male attention and searched Myspace profiles of guys within the 20 mile radius. I didn't find anything of great interest, but then I saw a farmiliar name. Vlad. This meant the boy was either Ukrainian or Russian. I am Ukrainian and I speak both languages. So i sent him a messege simply saying "im ukrainian". That's it. I wasn't particularly interested I just wanted some common interest buddy. Then he mailed me back and said "we should hang out". Weve talked online and on the phone and I plan on meeting him this saturday. He seems like a really great guy. Hes two years older, ukrainian, and lives 30 minutes away. We have similar personalities and ever since he first talked to me, I'vve lost all feelings of the subtle pain from the break-up. I wasn't sure if I should post this in the dating or dumping section. Many forums recomment not moving on so fast, and I'm wondering if I could be making a mistake. However, I don't want to lose a great guy and I am very eager to meet him. I have been longing for a guys attention for basically most of my teenage life. I am not a "slut" however and I don't use sex to keep guys. I'm not exactly sure why they stick around. I dont consider myself a "great catch", but for a 16 year old a 4 year relationship and a 1 year relationship is pretty lenghty. Some advice on whether I might be doing something wrong, (even if it feels perfect).?

My ex was similair to you.. she ALWAYS had to be in a relationship.. ever since she was 13 she made sure she always had a b/f. If something happened with one, within a week she'd have another guy. And I always told her she needed to spend some time alone (after we broke up) and I admit partly cause I really despised the guy she was with after me (her husband now) but mostly cause I believe it's true. We need our time alone to figure things out about ourselves. I've been single for longer than I'd like, but I look at it positively as I've been able to figure out A LOT about myself that I just couldn't have if I were in a relationship.

So don't feel like you HAVE to have a b/f at all times to be happy or to be successful in life. You're young, plenty of opportunities are out there for you and in your future.. take this time as time to just have to yourself, hang out with friends, etc.. but by all means don't feel you need to rush out and seek out another man. As for your current situation, you've already made plans to hang out with him so go for it, if it helps you forget about your ex even better.. but just be sure to do what's best for yourself. If you're not feelin him just leave it be - move on and enjoy life.

Dobrij Den :)
Ochen klasno zdes ukraintsev uvidit..! Da, ya tozhe ottuda :)

Wait did he just say something about my mother in Russian? :mad:

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Originally Posted by easilyinspired

I recently broke up with my bf of one year. The relationship hasn't been stable for some time, and a night argument set it off. Since, we've broken up before (5-10 times during the year, but we would get back together after 2-3 days) the feeling wasn't new to me. I got upset and although I refrained from crying (i usually sob in these situations) I still felt horrible. It wasn't so much missing my ex as just being alone, for the first time since I was 11. Strange? I know, please don't lecture me. I'm 16 and I have been in 2 relationships. My first bf was with me for 4 years. We started off slowly and he lived 5 hours away so the first year didn't have much advancement. But for the last two years we were very involved and very much in love (insert adult gasp here). The reason I broke up with my first bf was because of my second one (the ex, at present). I met him, became infatution (even though he had a gf and i had a bf). We tried to avoid relations since we were both involved but it was inevitable. We couldn't really stop it. So, we both dumped our partners and began dating. Things were great, then shaky, then amazing, and then even shakier. So, I'm at this point. We broke up and have been for the past almost week. I dreaded being alone the first day. I don't usually sit home all day, which is what I ended up doing. We spent so much time together that we started neglecting some friends and depended on each other for our social lives.

The second day I got desperate for male attention and searched Myspace profiles of guys within the 20 mile radius. I didn't find anything of great interest, but then I saw a farmiliar name. Vlad. This meant the boy was either Ukrainian or Russian. I am Ukrainian and I speak both languages. So i sent him a messege simply saying "im ukrainian". That's it. I wasn't particularly interested I just wanted some common interest buddy. Then he mailed me back and said "we should hang out". Weve talked online and on the phone and I plan on meeting him this saturday. He seems like a really great guy. Hes two years older, ukrainian, and lives 30 minutes away. We have similar personalities and ever since he first talked to me, I'vve lost all feelings of the subtle pain from the break-up. I wasn't sure if I should post this in the dating or dumping section. Many forums recomment not moving on so fast, and I'm wondering if I could be making a mistake. However, I don't want to lose a great guy and I am very eager to meet him. I have been longing for a guys attention for basically most of my teenage life. I am not a "slut" however and I don't use sex to keep guys. I'm not exactly sure why they stick around. I dont consider myself a "great catch", but for a 16 year old a 4 year relationship and a 1 year relationship is pretty lenghty. Some advice on whether I might be doing something wrong, (even if it feels perfect).?

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Sorry, but I think it is really tragic that you don't know how to "be" without a boyfriend. (Jeez! WHY, OH WHY did your parents even allow this!!??!) You are not merely 1/2 a person seeking your other 1/2; you are a whole all on your own. Maybe you should think about focusing on things girls your age OUGHT to be thinking about, like school and college so you can develop into a great, whole adult, worthy of the love and affection of another great, whole adult.

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Originally Posted by shh!

Sorry, but I think it is really tragic that you don't know how to "be" without a boyfriend. (Jeez! WHY, OH WHY did your parents even allow this!!??!) You are not merely 1/2 a person seeking your other 1/2; you are a whole all on your own. Maybe you should think about focusing on things girls your age OUGHT to be thinking about, like school and college so you can develop into a great, whole adult, worthy of the love and affection of another great, whole adult.

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I don't appreciate the condescending tone. Obviously, you're older. You may have misperceived me. I am an excellent student (principal's honor roll). I'm taking college courses my senior year of high school instead of staying in highschool. I'm a junior at the Academy for Visual & Performing Arts. I study Multimedia (film, graphic design) and next year I'm interning at a theatre (I plan on a career in Public Relations). I don't drink, or smoke, and I have never done any drugs. I'm also active in Drama and I love reading. I don't mean to sound so defensive but I can't help thinking you must have a very strange image of me. I have had two boyfriends and I don't see them every single day or cheat on them. They are just my best friends basically, with whom I can be open with and cuddle with and such. I have one girlfriend and I love her dearly but the rest of my friends are boys. Not BoyFRIENDS but just friends. I always appreciated guys' minds more, lol. I think they are simpler, more honest, and straighforward. So, having a bf is almost like having a best friend.

I've learned to manage my time wisely. I go home, do my HW, and then go out. I know how to enjoy myself without slacking. Maybe you've never had a bf you love, but its very comforting.

Take a second and try not to look at the situation from an adult point of view. I don't know if you've ever been 16, you don't exactly seem it. And I don't strut around looking for any guy. The desperation that I experienced on the second day of the break-up was almost a defense mechanism. I have never went out looking for guys, as I said. This was probably the first time. Besides, I'm not going to force an attraction. If I don't like Vlad, then I plan on floating on.

My mother "allowed this" because she's obviously wiser than you are. Having a bf is not going to scar me for life, or hold me back from opportunity. I have never let it, and I don't plan on it.

Sorry about whatever is bothering you in you're life. Maybe you need to find other ways of venting other than critisizing me or my mother... ;)

hi easilyinspired...

u say that u broke up with ur first bf because of ur infatuation with the secnd one ... ever tried and stop and think why that feeling is called infatuation and not love? coz it doesnt last .... it may drag on but it doesnt last ....

easilyinspired we HAVE to look at your ur situation from an adult point of view because that is one thing that u cannot do for urself .... and if u feel someone is being harsh to you .. all i can say is that cold water wakes one up better than warm water....

being alone is hard for someone who isnt used to it ... but think of this as an oppurtunity to try it out ... experience things in a different way ....

the only thing that u must NEVER do is neglect ur friends when u r in a relationship

best of luck

Hussain

thanks for the advice, everyone. i never did love my second bf, i knew it wouldnt last from the begining because like u said it was infatuation. but it was fun. like a new friend.

Best of luck

take care
Hussain

I don't think shh's post was at all condescending (your post was maybe a little more so?).... it was simply making the point that you don't NEED another person in your life to make it 'complete'. So few girls (or even women) understand this, and it's too bad.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by easilyinspired

I don't appreciate the condescending tone. Obviously, you're older. You may have misperceived me. I am an excellent student (principal's honor roll). I'm taking college courses my senior year of high school instead of staying in highschool. I'm a junior at the Academy for Visual & Performing Arts. I study Multimedia (film, graphic design) and next year I'm interning at a theatre (I plan on a career in Public Relations). I don't drink, or smoke, and I have never done any drugs. I'm also active in Drama and I love reading. I don't mean to sound so defensive but I can't help thinking you must have a very strange image of me. I have had two boyfriends and I don't see them every single day or cheat on them. They are just my best friends basically, with whom I can be open with and cuddle with and such. I have one girlfriend and I love her dearly but the rest of my friends are boys. Not BoyFRIENDS but just friends. I always appreciated guys' minds more, lol. I think they are simpler, more honest, and straighforward. So, having a bf is almost like having a best friend.

I've learned to manage my time wisely. I go home, do my HW, and then go out. I know how to enjoy myself without slacking. Maybe you've never had a bf you love, but its very comforting.

Take a second and try not to look at the situation from an adult point of view. I don't know if you've ever been 16, you don't exactly seem it. And I don't strut around looking for any guy. The desperation that I experienced on the second day of the break-up was almost a defense mechanism. I have never went out looking for guys, as I said. This was probably the first time. Besides, I'm not going to force an attraction. If I don't like Vlad, then I plan on floating on.

My mother "allowed this" because she's obviously wiser than you are. Having a bf is not going to scar me for life, or hold me back from opportunity. I have never let it, and I don't plan on it.

Sorry about whatever is bothering you in you're life. Maybe you need to find other ways of venting other than critisizing me or my mother... ;)

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Eek!! I think this could be LL's little sister with a better vocabulary!

Well, sorry, sweetie, but I won't fight with kids, so this will be my last post to you. But here's one little piece of wisdom you might wish to consider: academic achievement (of which I highly approve, by the way) does not make you emotionally mature. Give yourself some time without a boyfriend to discover who you really are.

since when is the world so close-minded?...and once again, I don't NEED a bf.