Basically I met this girl over a year ago, and she is amazing.
We were dating for almost a year, then I said why not make it officially exlusive. To which she disagreed and I asked for a break, she was very unhappy that day.
Then a month passes and we get together and as I see she feels the same way, we decide we are friends. Obviously it turns out that we are friends with benefits and intimate passion for each other. (Big ****ing mistake from my part)
I was ok with that for a while and started to see her becoming more affectionate with me, and it turned me on. And I fell again.
And now I told her, which led to me canceling us being friends. I am returning her her stuff tomorrow.
As much as I love her, she does not seem to share the feeling and sees me as friend. We share some interesting life aspects together and she is a really good friend, I really want to be friends (not bechause I love her, but we even share interests which could be beneficial to some aspects of life) but I could not get past my feelings.
I have looked for other girls but have not found anyone interesting. This sucks. I don't want to give up just yet, but I am undecided wether to pursue friendship and try to overcome feelings or pursue more. I definately want more, but rational part tells me if things don't work out, its done for good. And currently I cannot imagine her being with other guys.
It is funny how tomorrow is probably going to be the last day with us together, but I feel kind of calm. This whole thing is mixed.