Please help me. Loving two women. Stuck, the story and why i need you

Basically, to resume the situation :
I’ve been in couple with my girlfriend in France for 3 years now.
I’ve been in Erasmus exchange in Finland for 5 months now, and we have one last month.
The think is i from the start have feelings for one of my neighbours, a russian girl. She is so intelligent, cultivate, beautiful, elegant, funny. She has everything for her.

My girlfriend came to see me for 2 weeks (her holidays) in my exchange, and then she left.
This girl told me «*your girlfriend is the luckiest girl in the world, you are perfect.*»
I felt like she felt something for me too.
So i decided in a party to tell her what i felt (clearly that i had a crush on her and that i have a girlfriend but i had to tell her that because i wanted to listen to my heart and i would regret it if i didn’t live something with her or at least be honest with her and my feelings etc + a lot of compliments), actually she gave me a lot of inspiration and passion, and i wrote her a beautiful poeme in french, where i tried to express all my feelings for her, describing her hair like if it was a fire and i was melting. Basically. A really beautiful poeme that i translated in english for her and she loved it, it made her cry.
The next day, i went to her just to tell her that it wasn’t because i was drunk, that i meant all i said and that i remember every single word.
She took my hand, i wanted to kiss her chick but she gave me her lips so i kissed her lips and then she left like she was regretting.
For the two next days, it was very awkward, because before what i told her, we were like very close/good friends, but now we didn’t know how to act with each other.
So i invited her for a walk around a lake the next day, she said yes with pleasure.
The first thing i asked her was : How do we act together ?
She said «*like before*», and i told her it’s ok for me too, i won’t kiss you again but i can’t forget what happened and i cant lie to my feelings so ill just need some hugs from you lol. She said she couldn’t forget either and ok.
We went for that walk and time went so fast, she usually is always with her group of friends (one of them is like her best friend they are always together), but she didn’t check her phone once, or even answer to a phone call.
She was so into it, and me too. We had 3 beautiful hours walking in the forest and around the lake together, talking about a lot of things, politics, religions, nature, art, spirituality, love.
It was so beautiful time, i loved it.
I learnt more about her in 3 hours than in 3months, because our conversation was very deep, and we were just the two of us, lost in the nature.

At the end of the walk, i took her back home, i mean not really because we had a barbecue with friends so thats where we went.
I hugged her and she told me «*please invite me again. 1 more time, 2 more times, 3 more times*»
I answered «*as much as you want*»
then we had the barbecue, i felt so at ease, so confident, so strong, i really felt myself and happy. I guess this conversation was important, i felt more connected to her than ever, and very confident (whereas i was kind of intimidated since i told her what i told her).
We are all the time giving sneaky looks to each other, i know it’s not normal looks, it’s more like i send you a message look, or just i want to look at you in the eyes because i know what happened and you do too it’s like a private look only the two of us can understand. It’s sexy.

Now i was watching a movie with her and other people tonight, and i wanted to kiss her so much.
So that is not what i did, but i told her by text after, and here is our conversation :









Me : You cant imagine how much i wanted to kiss you tonight

Her : Just remember what I told you near the lake
You are going to hurt your girlfriend a lot

Me : I wont tell her what happened and what i felt for you anyway, because i dont want to hurt her
You think i should tell her ?

Her : Of course no
Why?
It will ruin your relationship

Me :
I dont want to ruin my relationship with her but i dont want to ruin my heart feelings either
Nore to hurt yours

Her : So what do you want to do?

Me :
Let my heart be honest with you for the few weeks we still have together
Come and kiss you now
Not tell her because i don't want to hurt her or lose her

Her :
Not a good idea
Let's speak tomorrow

Me :
Ok
I feel like i'm a bad guy
If nothing happen with you, i will regret it so much and feel like i wasn't brave enough to follow my heart
And if something happen i will feel like i shouldn't have done that without telling her

Her :
I just don't want to be a girl whom you will be cheating on your girlfriend with

Me :
I understand
You would feel bad if something happen
You would also feel bad if nothing happens
Sorry to put you in that situation

Her :
So we both are gonna feel bad anyway

Me :
Is there any solution where i dont hurt anyone?

Her :
Don’t think so
Me :
What does cheating mean for you? I feel like i already am cheating because another girl is in my mind

Her :
But if you love her you should think about her feelings and how much you will hurt them if she knows
I mean not only caring about yourself


Me :
I also care about yourself


Her :
I can do it on my own , so don't worry about that

Me :
I need to be sure about your feelings for me
If i never told you what i felt for you, would you have feel something for me? I mean, was it there already before ?
Or is it because i love you and you like me very much so you do not want to hurt me

Her :
I do have feelings for you, but I also love myself. So as I said, I will not be somebody for you to cheat on your girlfriend



My conclusion is that i am ****ed. Lol.
I would regret it in anyway.
I wish i didn’t have a girlfriend (even if i love her), because i feel like this is why i can’t live something with this woman i love too.
I am now believing that we can have beautiful strong feelings for two women at the same time.
I don’t want to hurt anyone.
She feels bad too that i have a girlfriend because she would also love to live something with me, but she is also very proud and wouldn’t do that for the reasons you understand reading the conversation between us.


Tomorrow, i bring her to a nice place, it’s like a tower, and we can have a walk and take the best donuts in town there, so basically this is really cool moment coming.



I need your help for two things :
1 - What do i do now ?
2 - There is a party coming this week end, we are probably going to be both drunk, what should happen ?