Staying for the kids... and loving someone even though you don't want to be with them
The title sums it up a lot really.
I love my husband, but not really in the sort of way I should. He is an amazing guy, an amazing father and the kindest, most generous and caring man you could ever meet. People who know us tell us that we're the perfect couple and that I found the perfect man - he likes shopping, isn't into football or sports, doesn't go down the pub a lot, he's family orientated, he's romantic and he isn't gay!
BUT I don't want to spend the rest of my life with him. It's not exciting, it's not interesting, we just exist happily as a family. I'm not unhappy at all, but I don't feel like I'm living.
I know he truly loves me and I really don't want to hurt him as I care for him a lot. If we split up I'd break his heart AND he'd see his kids less, and they mean the world to both of us. I never understood before why people stay together for the children but when you're as settled as us it seems like the logical thing to do.
Part of me thinks that once the children have grown up and moved out that then I can leave him and live my life, I'm only 23 so I've lots of life left to live. I figure that by that time I'll either have realised that the grass isn't going to be greener and that I should be bloody grateful for what I've got or I'll be happy to leave and it'll be that little bit easier.
I feel like a fraud though. As though I'm planning my future life without the man who calls me his soulmate. Maybe I'm just expecting too much and not realising how lucky I am?
Any words of any kind would be great. I don't know who else to talk to about this so I've only my own thoughts to consider.
Thanks in advance,
Calm x