I feel like she kicked me in the nuts. still took the high road.
Ok, long time since I have spent time here. I have been staying productive working, I travel lots for work, (sales) and I have been meeting people, and continuing to hone my salsa dancing skills for fun, hitting the gym 3 to 5 times a week, I look and feel great as I approach my 41 years of age. For 2 years I haven't seriously dated after my last serious breakup (in 08) There has been a couple of brief short relationships which haven't lasted, and I have been unaffected by them not working out. Till now.
In Feb or March I meet a girl at my local salsa spot that I just recently had discovered. We danced, (she is advanced, I am intermediate this comes into play) we hit it off, my co workers thought we made a cute couple and after a couple of more encounters, I get her contact info. This is the first lady I am really interested in getting to know for possibly more.
I pursue her, letting her know I am interested, she comes over my place for a few nights, many nights in a row just to spend the night, and for 2 weeks after we start dating she holds off on giving me sex because she says she is a lady and wants to get to know me and not rush into things. I like that.She is from Central America but Americanized, as she has been here since her teens.
After a weekend trip to Vegas where I invite her and take care of everything, we really hit it off, have great sex, (she says I am the best she ever had.) She is 42 years old and because she was married for 15 years, and only had very few sexual relationships since then (so she claims.) occasionally she throws out the word "mi amor" my love, It hits me in the right spot, I love hearing it from her.
2 months go by and everything going great, healthy times, she comes over my place, I cook dinner (she can't cook for crap) and spends the night, and leaves in the morning. Went to a couple of parties, her friends give her the thumbs up on me, she is happier yada yada yada. BUT i overlook one thing. She is a big metaphysics fan, a serious one. I am not.
Monday she calls me and asks if I wanted to go with her to the metaphysics class she used to attend and claims never missed that class until up until she became a zumba instructor and now couldn't assist. (I didn't know this was a test that I would fail) I go, I am respectful, engaging, even took notes (however, she later criticized me for not taking active notes and even asking her to take them for us.)
We come back to my place and then I get the talk: main points, she wished she could meet someone who was into metaphysics as much as she was because it was important to her. Her ex husband would always make her feel supportive of everything she was into, she felt I didn't show that support for her on this. I rebuttal, with a message around that I would be more than happy to explore this more, buy a couple of books, read and discuss the books with her. She calls me on it saying that she would not want me to do things to please her, but to do things for myself. WTF? that is what being in a relationship is all about.
She then says how we do not share the same interests. She doesn't care for my modified SUV and doing off road camping trips, surfing, etc.
That night I tell her maybe she should slow things down with me, and perhaps hold off for the right person who is into metaphysics as she would like him to be. I am calm, try to be supportive and try not to show any disappointment. I offer to take whatever she can give me in the relationship, even going as much as just being a booty call for now it that is all she can give me. She says she doesn't want to do that because is against her principles. I then tell her perhaps she should reduce the amount of time coming over and she says she just enjoy being with me way too much, and comes over and gives me a big hug.
point is: I feel I did sound damage control.
Tuesday she comes over, we have dinner, we talk we go to bed. Everything is cool. Wednesday is a standard routine for me: go to the office, go to the gym, go to my salsa classes, go to the salsa club. (when I am not traveling outside of my area) I am supposed to meet her there because she is going to show up and celebrate a friend's birthday. I end up not seeing her there, nor calling for her (my cell is in the car) I have a good time, come home and on the way home she calls me asking if I was there, She says she was in the back of the club where she normally is and I find it strange how she doesn't bother to look for me (She doesn't feel comfortable announcing to everyone that she has a new love in her life, as she says the guys would stop asking her to dance out of respect. (I think this is bs, but i don't think much of it.) In a previous discussion i let her know I don't care she can dance with anybody she pleases, as long as i feel she doesn't disrespect me. But i would have an issue if she treats with me with indifference as it would make for a weird vibe coming out from her when I am around her at these places.
She says she wants to come over my place as usual. She wants me to shower (hint at she wanting some loving) I am tired, and I skip the shower, we have no sex, we go to bed, happy with her company as usual. Next night she comes over again, and this time I want some sex (we hadn't had it since last Wednesday over a week.) I don't get it, I don't like the way she responds to my touches, I see a change in her attitude towards me. She is not her usual touchy, and sweet self. She says she is tired, that she will give me some in the morning. She doesn't. Which is then I have the talk. I suggest we take a break from each other, and figure out where we want to take this relationship, and it is good timing because on monday I am out of town till friday. perhaps enough time for no contact. We can then talk about it when I return. She says something along the way first that not to be silly, I probe for more, remind her that she is not as affectionate towards me, I see a change and I am concerned. She acknowledges it, and has her own reasons and mentions she keeps a list. And that perhaps she doesn't have time to be in a relationship.
Saturday she texts me with a hello, small talk. I call her, she doesn't pick up, and I request to wanting to talk about the cooling off period, (At this point I was thinking I over reacted) I send her an email with my thoughts. letting her know I have for the most part, very happy having her in my life. I know my feelings are growing for her, and want to see if we can move past this.
Things don't go as planned. She says that her feelings have changed for me as of Monday, that it is very hard for her to change her feelings back once she goes there. She brings the typical reasons: not feeling supported abut metaphysics, even her zumba, that she can just tell and the fact that she wants somebody who doesn't travel that much (I was honest with her about my work schedule from the beginning.)
I listen, I try to reason with her, but she comes out with the real big deal breakers: That I may lack the stability she would like in her mate, that I don't have my own home at my age, ( I rent and live alone) that I may have my priorities wrong for wanting to build my Mexico property over planning on buying a home in the US, and that I have had multiple jobs, and that she has learned to value consistency, and stability.
At 42 she owns her own home where she has lived for 10 years or so, (stayed in the house after her divorce) has worked for the same company for 15 years. At this point I feel like she kicked me in the balls. And I know she could have kept her message much shorter and didn't have to be some detailed. A quick "we don't share the same values would have been good enough" something.
Closes her reasons for breaking up (saying I am a very nice guy....) and wants me to stay in touch and check in once in a while. I tell her that I am really not interested in this, my only interest is having her in my life in as a casual relationship, something more, and possibly making her my girlfriend in the future. She is surprised I say i want no contact, reminds me about some of the same places we frequent, and If I will even acknowledge her, of course I will, i'll say hi, but I will not stand by her and shoot the shit that is for sure. I thank her for the time she did give me during our brief time together wish her luck and say good buy. I then delete her contact info. I didn't take this too well, she ended up measuring me up and letting me know I came up short of her expectations. That is a hard thing to take for a man with pride. I will eventually buy my own place, and damn her for bringing this to my face.
The problem is that I have been smitten, and I started to feel deep feelings for her. Hence this break up feels like a mild heart break. I am bummed.
I believe I did the right thing by letting her know that there should be no contact from her unless she reconsiders this relationship right? Knowing she is likely to want to call when she is laying there lonely and wanting some company, and remembering the multi orgasms I gave her during sex. what say u? sorry for the lengthy banter.
One thing, she has no kids, never wanted kids, her former husband didn't want kids either, so they traveled lots instead while married. at 42 she has very few eggs in her basket remaining. I would like to have kids someday. To form a family. Maybe I should never got this far with this lady, knowing that.
