Why do some men persist in "being friends"?
Hi everyone..I've been here before to talk some stuff out, so thanks again for reading another post.
I'm in my 40's and pretty new to dating after a long relationship. Have run into a variety of situations that make me feel pretty naive, and to an extent I am, so be gentle!
Most of my situations have been the usual fare..some dates from online, some from "real life." Nothing's stuck yet..good times, fun people, some weird people..hehe..but this is about two men that I am in the friends zone with, meaning, *I* have been put in the friends zone. I have accepted this, and this post isnt about me griping or moaning about it. I've been making changes to make myself more comfortable with it and move on with keeping my options open.
The story: One fellow contacted me on FB thru a mutual friend, and has more or less adopted me as one of his "best friends." His intention was never to date me, but to have me nearby, apparently. This is new and weird to me. I am attracted to him, but I have known from the start that he did not share these feelings. We would get together once or twice a week, hang out, have dinner, watch movies, and I get to hear all his girlfriend/griping stories. I know, fun. He feels there was this connection between us and values my intelligence, companionship, etc. I noticed he would get stressed out when I went on vacations or was gone for some time, saying he would really miss me.
A couple weeks ago I finally had enough, and told him I didn't want to be the "third wheel" anymore..the buddy..whatever. He said he "got it", understood, then laid low for a couple weeks until the FB message arrives that he misses me and wants to see me.
Next part of story: Guy I met on a dating site last summer. Instantly fell for him, in a much deeper way. He said he didnt feel chemistry with me, but wanted to hang out all the time, be FB friends, etc. Once again I played along as a friend, but this one was truly unbearable after a while because I really felt he was special, and I told him my feelings for him and that I was done being in the "friends zone" and all our hanging out had to stop. This I actually did stick to, and dodge all his subsequent hints about getting together. Now he's latched on via Facebook, so clingy and ever present that even other people have asked "who is this guy?"
OK...again, this is not me whining about how come they don't want me, etc...I'm OK with that. But from a GUY point of view (or any women to whom this sound familiar).can you please explain this behavior to me? Both men have made it clear there is no interest as far as dating, one has a GF, one is out looking. I have many male friends and we see each other maybe once every two months or so...there is a gap of time, and I dont feel that clinging, neediness from any of them.
Is it normal for guys in their 40's and 50's to latch onto female friends like this? Both are socially active, good looking men so we're not talking trolls here. And sheesh..I told them BOTH it is painful/frustrating for me to see them in person and I still get the invitations.
Maybe the final solution is NOT to meet people half way, (like saying we can be friends but only on FB) and just completely shut them out of my life. Is this reasonable, or should one try to be "adult about it" and learn to accept people as freinds.
Anyway, thanks for the input. Ugh, I feel so lame. :/
