Why don't I fancy anyone anymore?
So...
Eight years ago I was in a relationship with someone I fancied. After that relationship, I went out to do my normal thing...find someone else I fancied. I didn't. After two years I 'settled' for a relationship with someone (for four years...) who I didn't fancy. I had somehow managed to convince myself that I just didn't fancy anyone and my standards were too high so I would have to settle.
Three years into that relationship, I caught sight of someone I fancied and my mind started to turn. Apparently there are people I fancy in the world...This particular person lived 300 miles away so there was no point chasing him, but it did change my mindset. Eventually, I left my partner.
Around six months after leaving my partner, having not fancied anyone, I go into casual sex for a bit. I meet someone off an online dating site who frankly seemed...too keen...but I was just looking for casual sex so who cares? I meet him...put barely any effort in, still wearing my lanyards from work...and woooah...first person I've actually met and fancy for eight years.
I do the wrong thing and tell him about the casual sex thing. It makes it weird. But he fancies me and ends up asking me out again with certain 'conditions' attached. The conditions freak me out, I make it exclusive, then I go nuclear within 10 days and he very reasonably calls it off. I looked desperate. I now realise I was. Because he was literally the first person I'd been with (and I mean been with) that I had any sexual interest in for eight years. I suddenly had something to lose.
Going into the four-year 'settling for less' relationship was obviously a poor move - fair enough. But I'm now hung up on this 'one guy I fancied in eight years' that I totally screwed it up with (I was in a bad place anyway, I wouldn't normally freak out, but I wouldn't normally contact strangers on the internet for casual sex...I was in a bad place to be dating full stop...)
But to protect myself I need to show myself that I do fancy people...I just don't know how...has anyone ever been in this position? I'm on three online dating sites. I don't fancy anyone. They're not good looking enough, frankly (I'm not so bad myself, by the way, I'm not playing 'out of my league' here or anything). The one I dated was one of only two I found attractive and the other one was not as hot in real life so that was only one date.
The guy eight years ago was someone I picked up from a bar. I wouldn't mind doing that again but my friends are more settled these days so I'm struggling for people to go out with and I want to mix the bars up so I don't keep seeing the same people.
Any ideas on where to spot people? There has got to be people I fancy out there...