I annoyed him - Please advise
I have a boyfriend of 1 and a half years and we live together. The house is 2 bedroom and since I insisted on having my own bedroom, he agreed although we sleep together whenever he is at home (he works nights, me days). On Valentine’s Day, I had a present for him (he had none for me) and had planned to make a romantic dinner for two, but he suggested we go eat out instead. Most of the morning, we just watched TV and surfed the internet. He then decides to “clean-up” my laptop and something went wrong and it crushed. I was definitely mad bcuz I use it for studies. When he said it was time for us to go for dinner, I refused; I was in a very bad mood bcuz I felt like he owed me at least an apology for crushing my laptop. I also refused to go to our friend’s house for a lunch that they had invited us….the following day. We didn’t go for dinner but he went to our friend’s place alone, the next day.
When he came back from the lunch, I was still very angry because he had nothing for me for Val’s day and he also crushed my laptop (I know that he didn’t do it intentionally). He found me watching TV and went straight to his bedroom bcuz he was to go to work in a few hours. I followed him to the bedroom and….you guessed right! I started a fight! I didn’t even have a strong reason to fight……….at first, he told me politely to go to my room but that only made me madder! I yelled at him ( I cant remember what I said) but I told him that he was arrogant very many times. Once again, he asked me to go to my room, I said no…many times. I could see his anger rise and he rose from the bed held me and tried to push me out of his room……of course I resisted and, we pushed and pulled each other for a good 10 minutes and the next thing…he threw me on the floor. At that point, I couldn’t fight anymore, I rose, up, went to my room, shut the door and cried myself to sleep. I am not angry any more………all the anger is gone………replaced by self pity. Why did I start the fight? How can I think that I can fight with a man? All the tenderness I saw in him is gone, the picture of him that comes in my face is so different…..I see a person who can hurt me so bad…..but mostly I blame myself for starting the fight. I want to forget but the body aches keep reminding me….I feel embarrassed, I have never known myself to cause such drama! PS This is our first physical fight.
Things he said during the fight keeps ringing back in my head. He said how we have mislead people and made them think we are a couple that could one day marry, how I should never again sleep with him in his bed bcuz someone else belongs there and not me, how he wants me out of the house asap and how he is not sorry for crushing my laptop, and he warned me NEVER to touch his, he said that he cant “share” stuff with me…..
Growing up, I never involved myself in fights, this is my very first fight in my whole life and I hated it.
A day later, he sends me an e-mail apologizing and claiming he doesn’t know what became of him to do what he did to me! I am confused; do you think he is genuinely sorry? I have been avoiding him, I am having mixed feelings, I kinda hate/fear him. He’s been trying to talk to me but I feel very uncomfortable, I cant even look him in the eye and when he asks me something I just give him a one word answer although very politely.