conflicted emotions over breakup
Both my ex and I made mistakes in our relationship. I feel like I put in way more effort tho and gave him many, MANY chances. But about 6 months ago I made a mistake and didn't get another chance. I feel jilted. So for the past several months I have been trying to make him see things from my perspective- trying to explain why I'm so frustrated. I'm genuinely sorry- I would NEVER hurt him like that again. I regret it every day. I WANT to commit to making things work and being really serious about "us" (I have ALWAYS wanted that), but he said that the "relationship" doesn't deserve another chance. He loves me and part of him still wants to be with me and give me another chance, but it's not about that- according to him. It's not about what him or I want. He said we need to focus not on the relationship but on ourselves individually and improve and MAYBE someday we can try again.
I get where he's coming from. We've been on and off for like almost 5 years now and it just wasn't working. But I can't help but feel that I still deserve another chance. A big reason why I made the mistake I made was because he just wouldn't commit- and he knows that and takes some responsibility for it. Finally after over 4 years he started talking commitment only after I was walking out the door- so to speak. It's always been his solution to our problems- to have time apart- and my solution has always been to work THROUGH the problems. Commit to making it work!
I've recently decided to stop trying to figure him out. Stop trying to salvage things and convince him to give me another shot. I've decided to commit to remaining friends- we both want to remain a part of each others' lives. We tell each other we love and miss each other. We are both sorry it didn't work and we voice that. But I guess I'm just confused. I'm trying to make peace with it and just let it go but I have this unsettling feeling that just wont go away. I've been struggling with it for MONTHS.
Looking for someone to relate.. some support. Am I crazy for feeling jipped or should I be at peace? Sometimes I get really angry- feeling like he took for granted all the chances I gave him... but then I tell myself, 'hey, I should be grateful he still wants me in his life and that we still care for each other so much despite everything'. If anyone can help me sort through these conflicting emotions, it would be greatly appreciated! I just want to move forward with my life!
