Like best friend. I need help sorting out my emotions.
Hi all,
This will be a long read, I appreciate anyone whom takes the time to read through it all.
I have been close friends with this female for over a year now, we hit it off instantly and have been close since pretty much spending all day every day together. All this time she has had a boyfriend and thats been fine, even though the last couple of months I have become to like her as more than a friend, I was able to cope and keep feelings inside so I could keep her as a friend and not risk causing a rift in our friendship. Roll on 4 days ago where she broke up with her boyfriend, I was with her at this time (was a phone call) and it was devestating seeing her reaction, really it was my heart broke seeing her like that, so I did my best to comfort her and she went off. Now two days ago she has started randomly texting me or telling me (with no pre-cursor) about people she wants to bang now shes single, she was getting pretty graphic and some of the people she was mentioning were friends of mine. This hurt, a lot in fact. She kept seeing my reaction and asked me "Do you like me?" and I just wanted all the stuff she was saying to stop, so I said "yes I do" and she was fine, and pretty much said that "thats fine".
A few hours later she messaged me agian saying another guy is hitting on her and he wants to peform oral sex on her and she is considering it and also a guy messaged her saying he wants to come and "visit her ;)". I went silent as I just couldn't answer to this and wondered why she was doing this to me, maybe because she saw me as a close friend and wanted to share. She got annoyed at my lack of response and asked "are you jealous agian?" to which I replied, "Its great that you are having fun, but you got to realize I'm a guy too whos attracted to you also" which I see as poor wording but I was stressed. She freaked out and basically said that I just saw her as "meat" and a "slut". I tried calming her down saying I was just attracted to her but her being a friend came first, and I apologised if she thought me wanting to sleep with her as some sort of insult.
She calmed down and we slightly discussed it and me, she said the classical "we are so close I would be worried it would ruin our friendship", "you are not unattractive", "if I change my mind you will be first to know". I take these as an absolute "no I am not interested", but still I dunno, the people she said she wanted to sleep with she used to complain to me about them all the time, calling them disguting and annoying etc. but yet here she is telling me she wants to bang them and showed me conversations involving them.
So here I am in the now, we haven't really spoken since then and in all honesty, I feel sick to my stomach. I worry that I have just lost a friend, It hurts that she might not like me (although I really want her to say it) and I just don't know how to approach this situation.
The Question(s):
Please tell me how to level my head on this, these past two days I have been feeling very sick under the stress of this.
Is there a way to fix this friendship?
What can I do?
In general what do you lot feel about this?
Feel free to ask me further questions
