advice needed urgently =/
Hello, i'm new to this forum and would appreciate some advice
everything is very complicated
i'm bisexual and in love with my best friend who is a girl, i'm 16 and she is 17 and she says she feels the same too, the problem is she has a boyfriend of 6 months, me and her have been on/off for 3 years and it was never supposed to turn out this way, it started off with a kiss and no harm was meant and i have just completely fell for her. It is probably worth mentioning that when i was 14 and she was 15 we went out for a while but i was still coming to terms with my sexuality and felt pressured into going out with her because i didn't feel ready.
Her old boyfriend treated her terribly and she always came to me when things went wrong, inevitably he found out about us by walking in on us kissing and added to the hatred he already had before he knew, but trust me he was a nasty piece of work who doesn't know how to treat any girl and constantly had her crying, was extremely jealous and possessive and wouldn't let her go out with friends without it being a huge hassle and in the end almost left her depressed. They had been going out for 8 months before me and Elle had first kissed which happened a while after they broke up then they got back together 6 months later, naturally i was horrified and warned her off but she didn't listen and he broke up with her a year and a half later. I am explaining all of this because throughout their relationship our feelings became more intense for each-other, i treated her like a god and he treated her terribly and i suppose i comforted her with that and during their relationship if i ever went near other girls she would get jealous and angry at me for kissing them etc and she would expect an apology, i found this annoying because i was single and she had a boyfriend, nevertheless she somehow convinced me not to get off with other girls, i suppose this was me falling for her because it didn't seem to matter anymore
Her new boyfriend of 6 months is a polar opposite of the other one, he is perfect in every way, he treats her amazingly and is soo nice to her which i would never ever complain about, i want her to be happy however a few months ago i did get quite drunk and kissed another girl, evie and she was soo very annoyed at me, i apologized profusely and i didn't go out the next weekend only to find out on sunday that she went out and played dares with her boyfriend and our other best friend jemma and a whole bunch of other people and kissed 6 girls, including jemma, she says it wasn't out of revenge but i don't believe her, she said sorry and i agreed to forget about it and call it 'quits'
so things were fine until in december she said she couldn't go on with 'us' anymore because she felt too guilty, it hurt me so much because after 3 years i didn't want to just leave things no matter how wrong they were. Then in january she said she missed me too much and said would things go back to normal with us again and could i treat her better :P i said okay because i cant stand loosing her but i feel like i am in constant competition with her boyfriend ;/ it is a horrible situation and we used to stay in each-others houses friday and saturday until things changed and now she goes to her boyfriends house every friday
i have an uncontrollable jealousy and every friday i dread because i cannot get her off my mind, i hate it and i wish i didn't feel this way, it hurts so much when i think of them together ;/ we had a fight last week and she said that i need to make more effort with her boyfriend does and it just made me even more annoyed
i really don't know what to do and you probably think i am a terrible person but i am constantly feeling low and think that my jealousy is starting to affect our friendship, she isn't a bad person, i love her so much but i don't know how to deal with this anymore, i would just like to hear someone else's point of view
