Long-term passion for someone I (probably) can't have
Hi all
Not sure if it's 'broken' or 'love' to be honest... So - I had a girlfriend long term from early 2013 to September 2017. We had our fair share of troubles, we just fell out of love after moving in with each other. I'm now seeing someone else who was interested in me and it's a happy, light-hearted relationship. I will try to summarise as much as possible so that I don't blabber on.
Anyway, the problem itself - and please don't tell me I'm bad, I feel guilt already - is that in around summer 2015, there was a girl at my local shop whom for some reason literally gave me the jitters every time I saw her, and I ended up making myself look like a drug addict to be honest (with how nervous I must have looked). Not long after that, after justifying that it was 'ok' to do so, I tried to do the unspeakable and hit her up on Facebook. Got denied and not surprised. I followed her on Instagram at some point and she accepted it. Also, at Christmas 2016 I sent out a friend-wide Snapchat to all my friends saying Happy Christmas (I'd added her at some point) and she replied with 'You too! Happy Christmas!' etc etc. I'd spoke to her a couple times in the shop in typical shop-talk i.e. where's this, please, thank you etc. I couldn't make the advances as I was in a relationship and had no confidence at the time. As a side to this I just think about the person at least once a day.
These days she works somewhere else so I don't see her regularly anymore until yesterday when she appeared in a superstore whilst I was in checkout. I literally looked up from the check out to direct eye contact, and in came the jitters and the panic. I finished at the checkout and ended up following her and her colleagues out of the store. As we got out to the car park we ended up walking up opposite sides of the car park and I was like 'don't look round, don't look round!', but I caved in, and when I did she was staring right at me. And then, when I left the huge car park in my new car, I saw her in my rear-view coming from a bush-laden path and she took a glance to the car whilst talking to her friend. Maybe I'm crazy, but maybe I'm not and this is what I need to find out.
I think this person may have a boyfriend but on social media (sorry to mention that horrible thing again!) there are no pictures of them together, no relationship statuses etc etc so it could just be a guess. Apart from that, I've been able to take control of my life, confidence, health and image over the last 6 months, and I feel like I'd be able to do something about it (in the REAL world), should I want to. It's just such long term and I don't see a let-up in my brain.
What are the if's, but's, do's and don'ts?
And most importantly thanks for taking the time to read.