I need advice on how to part ways with a girl I am so fond of?

I am a 26 years old guy, I live in London, England

I started talking to this girl I met on a dating site two months ago and we have built up quite a rapore , and really like each other. We have so much in common, and have never fell out, or had any arguments.

Her name is Helen, and we talk on the phone at least 4 or 5 times a week, and we usually chat on the phone for about 6 to 8 hours, sometimes into the early hours of the morning. She is a very principled girl, and she says she likes me because I am not sleazy in any way, and enjoys talking to me

She lives in the same country, but quite far.... and we had made plans to meet very soon

But I have a really big issue in my life, and because of the complications, and what the problem is, I can not continue talking to this girl, as much as I like her. I don't want it to get ruined, and I want to keep things so this thing between me and Helen has no had negativity whatsoever.

I want to send her a message either on email or on the dating site telling her that I want to end the friendship/relationship , not because I don't like her , but because of an issue that would make it difficult for me to be a good boy friend, etc. I want to also tell her in this message how much I really like her, why I like her, and just say that it has to be like this.
I want to know what words to use, and to know how to make the message effect her in a understanding and good way. What do I say? I know a lot of you will just say, just write it from your heart, etc, but I know that I am no good with words, and it will come out very blunt , etc


Any advice on what to say would be GREATLY appreciated

Thanks

Apologise to her for being on a DATING site when you're in no position to be dating. Why on earth would you string her or any other woman for that matter, along when you're unable to actually meet any of them?

Now.. you're in a position where you are an ass but you don't want to come across as one. Sorry, it is what it is. Tell her exactly what you've told us, do it on the phone and then let the chips fall where they may. At this point you don't owe her anything but your honesty. After you've confessed then ignore her from there on out.

Oh.. and delete your DATING profile and join a cam slut site so that you never have to get them emotionally connected to you.

I don't it to be like I am an ass, but rather I don't want it get ruined... I especially don't want her to get hurt, or disappointed. I want this message I plan on sending her to make her feel that I really do like her, and that she has done nothing wrong.... as though I am giving her a warm cuddle.. you know?

And I wasn't stringing her along, anything I said to her, I meant.... really wanted to hold her hand at times. And I am able to meet her, definately, I just don't want to carry this on as my problem is to great.

This is hard

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Originally Posted by Pringles200 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I don't it to be like I am an ass, but rather I don't want it get ruined... I especially don't want her to get hurt, or disappointed. I want this message I plan on sending her to make her feel that I really do like her, and that she has done nothing wrong.... as though I am giving her a warm cuddle.. you know?

And I wasn't stringing her along, anything I said to her, I meant.... really wanted to hold her hand at times. And I am able to meet her, definately, I just don't want to carry this on as my problem is to great.



This is hard

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Go blow it up her ass because it's not working on me. Because of this "thing" you have that makes you not ever going to meet her, then all your words were just tools of manipulation to get her emotional involved BEFORE she even had a chance to be with you one-on-one. You gave her the impression (just by being on a dating site) that you would one day meet. If you have no intentions of every meeting, well then you're a disingenuous asshole who has strung along this girl.

You don't want what to get ruined. The fantasy? You want to keep having copius amounts of verbal validation and phone sex without ever meeting. What are you on about, dude?

Be man enought to just tell her you'll never meet her and she'll take care of the rest by (hopefully) having the self-worth to tell you goodbye so that she can emotionally disingage so that she can actually meet someone in person who doesn't have this "issue" you have.

I'm also curious - why were/are you on a dating site at all, if you knew/know you can't date?

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Originally Posted by cocos [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

what issue? just tell her u cant chat anymore.

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Because I want her to walk away from it with a good and understanding feeling

: (

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Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Go blow it up her ass because it's not working on me. Because of this "thing" you have that makes you not ever going to meet her, then all your words were just tools of manipulation to get her emotional involved BEFORE she even had a chance to be with you one-on-one. You gave her the impression (just by being on a dating site) that you would one day meet. If you have no intentions of every meeting, well then you're a disingenuous asshole who has strung along this girl.

You don't want what to get ruined. The fantasy? You want to keep having copius amounts of verbal validation and phone sex without ever meeting. What are you on about, dude?

Be man enought to just tell her you'll never meet her and she'll take care of the rest by (hopefully) having the self-worth to tell you goodbye so that she can emotionally disingage so that she can actually meet someone in person who doesn't have this "issue" you have.

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Because at the time I joined I thought I could be ready... while I have spoken to her, the same.

What's wrong with you?

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Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

What's wrong with you?

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What do you mean?

What's the reason for which you can't date?

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Originally Posted by Pringles200 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

What do you mean?

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What is your issue... Are you going to jail and now you can't meet her because you'll be incarcerated? Are you actually a woman who was pretending to be a man? Do you weigh 400 lbs but you told her you were 180? Are you socially inept and afraid to actually meet people? What is wrong with you?

Sounds like an asshole in disguise.

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Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

What is your issue... Are you going to jail and now you can't meet her because you'll be incarcerated? Are you actually a woman who was pretending to be a man? Do you weigh 400 lbs but you told her you were 180? Are you socially inept and afraid to actually meet people? What is wrong with you?

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Because something happened in the family, two tragedies, it changed our family life forever, and that is combine with my personal hell that I have struggled with for the last few years. I haven't told Helen, but I am miserable a lot of the time, and depressed... and I can not get out of it at the moment. I am seeking counselling, but it still is difficult. I ruined a relationship before because of it... because I was in my own world. I haven't told her I am like this, but I know that I will get lapses if we were together in person.... and I don't want this good rapore we built up to be broken in any way. I want to just leave on a good note.

Sorry

Well, water under the bridge now but perhaps you should have thought about how unready you are to be in a relationship BEFORE you joined a dating site. Tell her that you're currently in a depressive state and that being in a relationship is just too much of a burden for you at the moment and that you'll contact her when you're stable... If she's not in a relationship then, then perhaps you can meet for a coffee and actually meet instead of playing this little online game.

Quit being selfish here. Be the bigger person and just tell her the truth. Put it out there. Done, finished, the end... It's up to her and her own decision how she handles the truth. Quit trying to get us to help you to manipulate it so that everything is going to be cool.

You guys are replying to me as though I am some kind of moron, I only came here for advice. Not be be spoken to as though I am not welcome

I am not a bad person, but I am in severe pain right now. You are not in my shoes, so you don't know how it is.

I want to tell her the truth, but in the nicest way possible.... so it doesn' t make me look like a cold person