I pushed her away, but now I am missing her. Do i stand a chance to get her back?
I have been with a girl for 6 years now. From the beginning, It didn't start out right. I wanted her but I didn't want to be with her. So that continued for a while. I was her first love. Over time, i realized that I want to be with her. I tried but she didn't want. Then she tried but I didn't want. But we couldn't let each other go. In those years ive had many other offers but still I couldn't let her go.
Sometime last year, she had asked if we can be committed in a relationship. I was jobless and heavily stressed, consumed by everything. I told her Im not the one for her and told her to find someone else. I really told her off and sounded very sure about it. And so she did. I started missing her and called her up. She said she was seeing someone else. My heart just sank. She said she doesn't want to be in a relationship with me coz its too hurtful. I told her that I need her in my life and that she is my hope and light of my life. She didn't want it. Days and weeks past, i was somewhat sending messages to her to let her know how i was doing. Then she asked me out for dinner. We met and I rebuild the relationship.
It was all new again. We did things we never imagined doing before. Short trips, clubs, restaurants, we got real close. Talking about marriage and buying a house etc... Soon after, things started to fall apart again. Mainly it was me. I was still jobless and it consumed me again. The positivity I had died. She is someone who needs a lot of attention, and iwasn'tt in the right frame of mind to give it to her.
In Feb, (i had gotten a job by this time), she told me that she doesn'tt feel me. Because of my new job, I was focused on keeping it. I was kinda stressed out and insensitive to things. But i never neglected her. Just not close. I pleaded with her not to talk about it now, but she was dead serious to know. Then i got mad and told her things that i now regret... again that we will never be together etc etc etc. Again i sounded so sure. She hung up crying. I thought to myself maybe it was for the better.
its been 2 months now, about 3 weeks ago i started dreaming about her and I started missing her again. I messaged her, she replied. this time said she has things to tell me. She said she met a guy in her spiritual class. Her teacher to be exact. She said they connected well in a spiritual sense. And he is helping her heal her internal wounds.
She likes him and wants to be with him. He wants to marry her too. But they are just starting out. Hes doing almost everything to make her feel secure and safe with him. She feels kinda obligated to him. She said a lot has happened within 2 months that she cant be without him. No they didn't make out. Hes the religious type. He also controls her drinking habits and nothing physical only after marriage type. She openly told me she doesn't like him controlling her.
She said i should move on and find someone else. Since I made it clear to her, she has accepted it. She also admitted that she misses me a lot but she will not get back into a relationship again. What she has with this guy is different she says.
I am utterly heartbroken again. I have only but myself to blame for this. Yes perhaps most would start saying best to move on etc. I am aware of that which i will eventually. I'd like to know if (in a girls point of view) would there be any chance in the future for a reconciling? A chance to take it really slow, baby steps again to a healthy relationship?. We have 6 years of joy, sorrow, pain and love. I didnt cheat on her or ignore her. I was just unstable and getting myself up and got consumed with it. I realize my mistake and deeply regretful.
Im having a no-contact thing now. To give me time to heal. Anyways, i hope to get a woman's point of view on this. Im 34 and shes 28. Thank you.
