so this is my first post i i need lots of advice
Hi there! This is going to sound very stupid and I should of figured this wouldn't work out a long time ago. But one day I had to go to a psych ward because I was detoxing from vicodin and I met this really cute girl who unfortunately does a lot of self harm. Now we started talking and she seemed to of been really into me, we exchanged phone numbers and she said she wanted to move in with me after knowing her for only a few days. I finally got out of the hospital and I kept in touch with her. She wanted me to pick her up from the hospital and I did and she stayed at my house for the night but she didnt seem like she wanted to be around me at all, almost like i disgusted her. So she went home and I started using drugs again this time i woke up in the hospital and y parents had enough so i went to rehab in another state. I called her once and she didnt seem too happy to be hearing from me, I called her a weak later and she seemed pretty happy to be hearing from me but I stopped calling her until i got out of rehab and ws moved into a transitional living, I called her and she told me shes having a ruff time because she moved out with a girl who she met in her group home with. I didnt find out they were dating until they broke up and what not. So I periodictly kept in touch with her. In mid may she told me what happend with her and her girlfriend and she was in the psych ward for a month or so, I went back to my home to visit and i hung out with her alot that week. She waas very charming and told me she was going to miss me and what not but she also told me she has borderline personality disorder she cuts her self and has an eating disorder and has co dependent relationships but i didnt really think anything was bad at the time since i was havning fun with her. I had to go back to my sober living in another state because my visit was over and from then it seems like everything was changing, like she seemed distracted and un interested when talking to me at least some times...like one day i feel great about her the next im iffy. I really like this girl and recently i feel even worse about this relationship and I feel like she only talks to me when shes bored and has no one else to talk to...I feel like shes playing games with my head...like this past wekend she called me thursday night and i didnt get to the phone in time and so i called her and left her a message, then friday she called me and i missed the call because i was asleep and she said in her message that she shouldnt have anything going on so call her whenebver I can and i did and she didnt answer or call back so i called her twice more and didnt get a response so i texted her saying hey i hope ur doing well and i would love to talk to you..she texted me back saying lets talk tomorow so i told her shes confusing me...she called me a little later that night iand i felt like she was talking down to me she was saying i dont always wnat to talk to people and u know that bullshit. But we finally talked yestarday and she seemed pretty fake...it was a 40 minute conversation but it felt very fake. She told me that her ex girlfriends mom called and told her that her ex is in rehab and for her to call her and she says shes not going to call her because everyone tells her not too but I think thats bullshit and i think she will call her. i asked her why when they were going out did she not tell me and her response was that she didnt think I would understand and im so pissed at myself for not telling her that i thought that was bullshit and im not a kid...i also confided in her something very traumatic from my childhood and she was like "oh wow i dont know how to confort you" I felt like she was almost laughing...she says that we will speak soon again which probably means she will call me sometime this week or something but I dont know if I should answer or call her back i like her a lot more than she likes me and ive practicly given her my heart and she rips it up...so I dont know what I should do...I assume she will call me but I dont know and I dont even know if I should answer or call her back? Maybe if I dont do you think that would show her that i think shes full of shit and that i deserve more or what? Im really really stressing out about this, i think i need to start going out on dates because shes the only girl i think about and its disabling me....I think i come off way to needy for her and i want to stop with that so maybe space would be good?
