Advice needed after break up
Hi guys,
I have just joined as I am currently at my lowest point and am very lonely.
Brief background so apologies for the length of it.
Was with my ex since 2003. Got married in June 2009 and separated in Nov 2010. Reason was that we felt we'd drifted apart but there were other circumstances (namely lack of money causing pressure especially since our son was born in 2007).
From Feb 2011 we agreed to try again, and as she had moved to a flat 20 mins away, we agreed to be together and i'd stay in the house while we tried selling it. It was on the market til April 2012 when I decided to rent it out and move into her flat. She lived in a rented flat which from the moment i moved in, hated. Purely because i guess i knew it wasnt ours. We decided to look for a mortgage to buy somewhere else. We couldnt get a mortgage so we were stuck in the flat for the time being. She didnt want to move back to our house as she hated the area and also our little boy had been accepted to a very good school local to her.
This had an adverse affect on me and i said i wasnt happy purely because i didnt feel comfortable in the flat. Anyway, we called it a day in August last year. However, this was not due to me not wanting her. Subsequently she told me she'd fallen out of love with me.
So i moved back to my parents house until April this year when my tenants were able to be moved on.
However, in January, my mates kept on at me about online dating so to shut them up i reluctantly went onto a dating site half heartedly. The ex saw me on there and said it was a kick in the teeth, but understood why i was on there. So she had registered on the same site. I explained that i really werent interested in dating and i took my profile off after a few days because i wasnt ready.
Since January, the ex has been with 3 or 4 different men and i've been so unhappy because i'm still in love with her. The fact that she was ready to date less than 6 months after we'd split after 10 years together cut deep. The first 3 blokes got what they wanted out of her by the looks of it, and they moved onto their next conquest.
She has been seeing some guy for the past two months and i really am so unhappy. I've told her that i still love her and want her back but it seems as though she has no feelings for me any more.
I guess living in this house doesn't help with all its memories but what hurts the most is that she seems to have happily moved on and is ok being with someone else. It's been a year and i am not ready to date at all. The thought of being with another woman really doesnt appeal and whilst my friends say time is a great healer, it doesnt seem to be working. I admittedly have been on a couple of dates with attractive and nice women but as soon as i get on the date, i just don't feel comfortable.
I keep walking out of work with a slight hope of her being outside the office saying she wants me back. I know im being an idiot.
Friday's kill me. While i know i'm seeing my son and he's spending the night, i know she is dropping him off and then seeing her new man. This makes me feel sick.
I know she is entitled to a life and to move on, but the way i feel at the moment, im not sure how much more i cant take. I have no get up and go, i just want to be alone. I know i took her for granted at times, but she is my soulmate.
I really am at the lowest point of my life. I have tried to go out with friends etc as they have advised but i just want to be at home so i end up leaving early.
I spoke with her dad a couple of weeks back and he even said he wished we were together. I told him she is my wife and i'd do anything to have her back and he just said "f*cking right".
Any advice guys? Even went to a psychic who said i'd meet someone, and the ex would come back and i'd have to make a choice. But let's face it, that's not going to happen.
I know i sound foolish but i am really struggling with life.
Sorry for the length of this post