a situation

OK so here's where I'm at....

I got with a girl who's quite a bit younger than me, she's 18 & I'm 29, at a mutual friend's chill out house party the day after new years. We did the usual spending all of the party together & I must admit, I was pretty wowed. She was THE stunner at the party & we clicked.. instant connection kinda thing. She had a few other guys trying their luck but she brushed them off pretty abruptly & spent the whole day/evening with me... we ended up goin back to mine that night and although we didn't have sex then, we did the following weekend - - - I work away, she's in my home town 200 miles away..

She'd been briefly dating a long term friend just before Christmas & basically said that it was a huge mistake & quickly brought it to an end before we did anything. I told her that I wasn't going to be 'the other guy' and I also stopped the casual thing I had going in the city where i work - - we both said we were the one girl/guy kind respectively.

So for a good 10-12 weeks everything was rosy.. I went back to my home town to see her every 2nd or 3rd weekend, she came up to mine the odd one in-between, texts & calls flowing both ways etc

Then I had to go away to Asia for 10 days with work (I have a demanding - - I'd say High Flying, but don't want to sound like a dick - - corporate job) something I couldn't refuse.. Working 12-14 hour days with the time difference naturally meant I couldn't stay in touch and ever since I came back I had a gut feeling�. told myself to stop being paranoid etc & never raised anything with her as the call's & texts were still frequent but not as much as before. I hadn't seen her in a while, so told myself that's natural� Then her phone was off for a whole weekend - - ALARM BELLS right? But the following Monday we chatted away for a good half hour & I was content / everything seemed cool again.

Like the guy in the 'Is she worth it' thread... if we're out of touch for a few days, sure as anything she's in touch again one way or another. be it Facebook / text / calls (and vice versa I guess..) I went back to see her again to weigh things up� but we just ended up having a great weekend together� partied pretty hard but also did the romantic stuff like a long beach walk, dinner etc too so left it lie. Whenever we're together I'm happy & she's the same, I'd say we buzz off each other even though we have very different lives.

Then she was due to come up to mine, but I had to cancel - - I had to host my biggest clients that Saturday at a major soccer game & night out following it - - did she believe me???? it was true.. but only told her 2 days before hand. So we agreed she'd come up the following weekend & as usual I bought all her tickets etc.. she pulled the sick note - glandular fever.. bullshit radar went off the scale.
I basically got a bit sick of this so haven't been back to see her / her up to see me in 4 weeks now.. turns out she was actually ill & had to quit the year at college as missed 3 weeks in finals run up� again reinforcing my "it;s your paranoia" thoughts. She's stayed in touch as have I & we're planning a weekend together at the end of the month taking in a warehouse party - - one of our common interests

Yesterday I go into Facebook.. poke her back, reply to her message.. click through to her profile to see a photo of her & another guy (I know of him back home - - older than me - 33, wreck head, small town loser�) and she's in a relationship. I click through to the album (he lacks privacy settings) & there's 3 more of her there at the beach with him.. we were texting about her beach afternoon that day too.. delayed response & clearly on the sly from her.

So my fears are true & despite everything in my make up telling me to ignore it.. blank her off etc. I went into state I've only ever been in once before (after someone I did love) only magnified hugely this time�. a mixture of rage / numbness / f**k it I knew all along / wanting her back� literally shaking with adrenaline the whole night - - hit cardio for an hour at the gym to try & get rid of the buzz but no.. lay awake in bed until about 3am this morning, woke up with a dream about her & couldn't stop thinking about her all day in work today. Visibly so it seems as a few people asked if I was alright� I haven't felt like this EVER. Can't eat.. forcing water, juice & protein shakes down.. still getting the adrenaline shakes when i think about her (i.e. now). Really don't know why this has knocked me so much; my last breakup with a girlfriend of 2 years did nothing to me in comparison to this..


So now she's with this drop kick guy (I'm not just saying that because he's with her, he is) and still in contact with me. I have become 'the other guy'. My self protection mechanism shouts leave it, but I've never felt this way, this bad, this strongly before.. it's not just rejection (that I can handle) but a whole load of things - - betrayal being just one

Was it maybe love that I never realised it was? (yeah, I do feel that messed up) Do I fight for her? is it a lost cause?

I know if i was back home she'd still be with me and think if I went back for any length of time she'd drop the new/loser guy for me.. (impossible due to work) I can't talk to her at the moment for fear of what I'll say - - still not calmed down

any advice or comment welcome, be it empathy or a snap-out-of-it slap in the face
(This is the first time I've ever posted on one of these boards as just can't talk to my friends)

she is just a child, what do you really expect?

alright she's 18.. but more mature than my last gf who was 23.. most of girls i've been with are the party kind as that's where I tend to meet people & usually go into things with eyes open, but never had this intense a feeling before

what did I really expect? yeah, initially a fling for a few weeks, but it got to more than that on both our parts. Thinking back to how I was at 18/19/20 I loved to hit the clubs & party for sure.. but when I was with someone I was with someone.. clear cut.. & that included a long distance relationship for just shy of a year (that finished when we weren't far apart strangely enough)

Well, maybe thats just you. Things are different nowadays with us youngins. No one respects the rules of being in a relationship, everyone is trying to hook up, trying to get theirs, trying to please themselves no matter if it DOES hurt SOMEONE. It's really hard to find someone who is true for you, and will not f*ck you over.


To me, it doesn't sound clear cut that you two were in a relationship, or were even NEARING that direction. It just sounded like you two were hanging and were just trying to see how things would go.

She's 18 years old. I know you, as an older man, would want something concrete, but, again, she's 18. And she sounds kinda flighty. You shouldn't have become so attached to her so quickly. She's just a kid, and obviously doesn't feel the same way you do. If she does come back to you (after breaking up with 'loser dude') I feel like she would most certainly, hurt you. Just let it go. I know it's hard, but just swallow it. Accept the reality.

(by the way, I kinda find it ironic how you stress her maturity. LMAO)

cliched I know.. but in response to the 'she's a child' post and it's what I think/thought.. maybe i was old for my years at that age I dunno.. & maybe my last girl was just ditzy & she's clued up in comparison.. a difference from maturity - immaturity

2 counts of wake-up & get out.. (i think more to follow) adding to my 'cut loose' initial reaction. I guess I should trust instinct more often. Thanks for the comments anyway peeps