Should I forgive and forget or simply move on …
Well firstly Il start by saying hi since I’m new to these forums lol
And before you read keep in mind that my English isn’t perfect ;)
So Il start this story form the very beginning… 7 years ago I was in high school (grade 8 or 9, but I’m from Québec Canada so anyways I was 14 years old lol) and one day I saw this girl in the school and seriously I when I saw her I said to myself; wow this is the most beautiful girl I had ever seen (no joke I almost felt as if some one slapped me in the face as she past me by)…
Miraculously for me the next year she was in all my classes :D . I was very shy back then though so it took me some time before I stated talking to her. Luckily my best friend knew her a little so he managed to get us talking to each other in class. I was too stupid to realise back then, but she obliviously liked me. Each time we talked we would laugh for no reason and some times she would play with my hair while she was talking to my friend. Time passed by and it stayed like this for quite some time. We would talk for hours on MSN and tease each other at school.
Then one day out of nowhere she started dating a guy. When I discovered I was sooooo pissed off. I was so shy and unconfident back then that it didn’t even click in my brain that if I would have asked her out I probably would have had my chance. One day I told her I loved her and she was so shy when I told her. She almost looked embarrassed, so because of that we lost contact for some time and she left the guy not too long after that.
Summer past and when school started we started talking to each other very intensively on MSN. We were having sexual conversations and all kinds of stuff like that… Then one day I discovered she was seeing one guy and I was extremely hurt. I could feel it was more serious this time and oh boy was it ever. I cried and I was mad at myself for not asking her out. She continued talking to me on MSN as if she didn’t even have a boy friend. I told her she couldn’t do that and she was like ?why?
After that we still talked on MSN but not as often. Sometimes she told me she would rather be with me then with him and I hated it when she said stuff like that. I would just get confused and lost. One time she even told me that while she was kissing her boyfriend she imagined it was me… I was soooo ****ed up after hearing that.
Then the year past once again and I got kicked out of school (that’s a long story too so lets forget about that). So I had to change schools the next year. Maybe 3 months before summer I started talking to a girl in my science class. If I’m correct I was 17 at the moment. I didn’t feel the same as with the other girl, but it did feel good. She was pretty and nice. So eventually we started dating and when school finished we were a couple.
I was happy to see that the other girl was so jealous when she found out about it. She came to talk to me on MSN and I was like you got nothing to be jealous about, you’re the one who let me go by going with someone else.
So not to mix you up Il call the first girl (Lau) and the one I was dating at 17 (Van). So I was dating Van and it was going well, but I always had Lau on my mind. One day I had the stupid Idea to go see Lau and we walk around town and talked. Van was piss off because she knew I like her but she got over it. Anyways me and Lau hadn’t done anything big other then talking and walking around town.
Then one day, Van went on vacation with her parents and Lau got her claws in me. We were talking on MSN and we decided to see each other the next day. But the next day Lau said she could do that behind her boyfriends back and that she would feel too guilty. I told her I loved her and that I needed her, but after that she said that she couldn’t speak to me anymore, but that she knew we would meet eventually.
I felt as if the world had stopped turning. I admitted to Van one month after she came back that I told Lau I love her and she didn’t talk to me for 3 days. I felt bad, but I had feeling for Van. The third day she called me and we went out. Everything came back to normal.
Then maybe a year or 2 later facebook became very popular and Lau added me… Like an idiot I did and Van was pissed. So I deleted her and re added her a few months after. Then I discovered that she wasn’t with her boyfriend and she kept texting me (I had given her my phone num via facebook). She was saying all kinds of nice things and I got me so confused that I left Van…
Then I said to myself why would I go with Lau when all she did is play with me… So I wrote Lau the worst email I had ever written. I kept calling her names and saying bad thing and I told her to **** off and leave me alone. After, when I showed Van the message she came back with me without hesitation.
Then time passed and eventually it wasn’t going so good with Van so we decided to leave each other. I was 19 at that time. I wasn’t too sad, maybe a bit down at first but it didn’t last long. So I started going out with my friends and 3 weeks later I wrote Lau a message to say I was sorry and that id like to see her.
So we started talking on facebook and the week after we went to a restaurant. That night we drank a lot lol and since her mom had gone on vacation she had her mom’s condo for 3 weeks. We slept together and she obviously wanted sex. Se had taken her bra of and laid on top of me. I was drunk her too, but I had always felt something strong for this girl and I didn’t want to do it like this. We started kissing and we she was gonna sit on me to do it (since my dick was hard ass hell) I told her it wasn’t the time and she was mad lol.
Then I told her if that’s the only thing she wanted from me and she said no and then turned back towards and we continued kissing all night. It went on like that for the next 3 weeks to come and eventually we had sex. A lot of sex lol.
Then we started dating and going out all the time and I felt great with her. I felt so much better then with Van. We had some many things in common. We liked food, we liked sex, we liked movies and some many other things. When she was happy I was, when she was sad I was and so on. I was in love BIG TIME.
What I hated though is that it took 2 months before she was able to say she loved me. She kept saying that we were together, but we weren’t aloud to call it a relationship. Her best friend told me it was because she was very hurt when her ex left her and she wanted to take her time.
She did sleep with 2 other guys before me, but it wasn’t anything serious. She had been single for a bit more then a year before we started dating so all normal stuff.
So that it and it continued like this for some time and you know it was a normal couple, fighting some times, having good sex, going out, kissing etc. But I had always had this pain inside me, because of all the messing around with me that she had done before. So when day I left her to see how much she really cared and boy I was surprised. She kept calling me; she even came to see me at work. But I was mean and I didn’t do anything.
Then one night I called her and her voice maybe me shiver. I went to see her at her moms house and we starting kissing and hugging each other. The next day we went out and it was like it was the first time I saw her again. It was perfect.
Then 3 months later we were having a hard time and we were fighting a lot and like an ASSHOLE I left her again. Once again she was running after me and eventually when came back together and just like the first time it felt like I hadn’t seen her for years. She came to sleep at my house and we had sex. And it was one of the best sex I have had in my whole life. I was crying and she was too and I told her I would never leave her again and that I loved her too much.
Then, I forget how much time after, I left her again. But this time I don’t really know myself why. I think it was maybe because I was tired of being restrained by her. And she was always jealous for such stupid things and I needed space. I told her a little bit before and she freaked out. She was like we only see each other 5 days a week and 3 of those days are simply just to sleep together. Anyway I left her and I didn’t feel good when I did, but I didn’t feel bad either.
By the way this is maybe a month ago so I’m 21 now. She kept telling me that I was gonna come back and I was like no not this time. She came to see me at my house and she was crying and she kept asking me if I didn’t love her and like an idiot I lied and I said I didn’t love her anymore. She left and I cried outside my house…
Time passed I was having fun with my friends and I was trying to stay in touch with Lau, but when I texted her she said she wanted to forget me. Some days I felt lonely, but most of the time I was okay since I’m a solitary person anyway. But I did think about her still.
Then one night I had this dream that she was with an other guy. When I woke up I felt terrible, I felt like I was cheated on. So I texted her and I asked her if she was with someone. She said yes, but it was nothing serious. Lau told me she started seeing him 2 weeks after I left her since I had told her I didn’t love her anymore. So she told me she went out with him and she had sex. She said she was drunk and she cried the next day.
But the next day she admitted having sex with him more then once. I was so mad I was crying and even though we weren’t together I felt like she had cheated on me. Now I know it’s my fault, but it’s still how I felt. When I first found out I thought my heart was going to let go it hurt so much.
I told her I still had feeling for her and she said she still loved me but she wanted to enjoy her weekend.
So Monday we saw each other and we both cried. I gave her a hug and boy didn’t ever feel good. She kept kissing my neck but I felt bad at the same time because of what she had done. But the sparks were still there when we were talking and she could see them to.
I had to go to the dentist so we only stayed together for 2 hours. I texted her later that that I she told me she saw the guy again, but she didn’t have sex. Knowing how she is I would be surprised that she gave him a blow job though anyways I was just so pissed when she said that, because the week before we started talking to each other again and she decided to go see him on the week end.
I kept calling her a whore I was so mad and I never say that usually. I told her to **** off and she kept texting me and said that she was sorry and that she would do anything to get back with me. She called me like 20 times, but I was at the dentist and she kept texting me I love you, I love you , I love you… But I was crazy mad so I went out with some friends to change my mind.
The next day I was the one who started texting her and she said she wasn’t ready to go back with me and that she needed her summer to think and have fun. She said that she loves me, but that it’s just not the time and that if I find a girl that I like to not avoid any opportunity I may get. I was like wtf yesterday you said you loved me. So we kept fighting via SMS and now its Friday and I don’t know what to do…
I know it’s my fault in the first place, but she played that game with me in high school and I don’t feel like waiting all summer so that she can **** her sex toy guy all she wants.
Right now I don’t know if I should let go and just forget about her… Or forgive her and try to fix the damage we’ve did…
If you read all this thanks a lot and sorry for my spelling: S
