I feel like things are very one sided at this moment.

Printable View

10-11-10, 11:56 AM
tacticalcraptic

I feel like things are very one sided at this moment.

I have been dating my girlfriend who I love for 6 months. I am in love with her. She has borderline personality disorder. it's very mild compared to most people and I am OK handling it because I think every single other thing about her is great. As a result of the disorder, she gets down on herself and her life more often than most folks. I try to be there for her. Console her. Cheer her up and tell her that she is a great person and that I love her regardless and will stay with her as much as needed until she feels better about things. And she says she loves me more than she can express. She feels sure she would be happy marrying me and says she is going to.

I am a very even keel and logical person. I can always see the light at the end of the tunnel and I am pretty much always even tempered and never moody. However, recently, I got in a car accident, which as a result caused me to lose my job. The deductible took a very large part of my savings. I am in a financial struggle the likes of which I have never experienced. On top of college classes and trying to take turns with her mom in taking care of her (my girlfriend) after gallbladder surgery.
After all this I feel tired, and a bit of a failure. As such, I am having a very rare slump. She noticed my downess and thought it was her fault. it's not and I assured her it;s. I am just struggling, as soon as she knew it wasn't her fault, she is not being very supportive. She is not even wanting to be around me and is having minimal contact

I feel lousy. I am there for her when she is down, to hold her, to talk to her, to distract her, to tell her how great she is. And I love dong all that but now she is just kind of acting like "I'll be her when you snap back to normal, but til then, please keep your distance.

That was just a gushing. I dunno what I expect anyone to say. Thanks for listening or any comments.
10-11-10, 01:51 PM
MerryH

I'm no shrink and I rarely know what I'm talking about anyway, but isn't being really selfish one of the characteristics of BPD? Not that it's an excuse - you don't deserve to be treated like that, but you signed on to having a girlfriend with a disorder so you're going to have to deal with stuff like this, no? I know you were mostly venting, but as long as you're with her, your issues will always be secondary to her illness.

Quote:

Originally Posted by tacticalcraptic [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I love dong

Me too, man. Me too.

...

I have the sense of humor of a 12 year old. Forgive me.
10-11-10, 06:27 PM
Danni85

I'm not saying this is an excuse... But, having had some mental health problems myself, I do know that when I'm having a tough time of it in my head, I really can't deal with anyone else's issues. I know that sounds really selfish and I don't mean it to... I will try my best to be there for people. But sometimes it's just so hard trying to keep yourself from going under and it takes all of your energy... So there's not much left for anyone else.

Like I say, this is not an excuse... I just hope it may help you understand a bit better?

Having said all that... It doesn't matter how down I am in myself, if I thought my boyfriend really needed my support, I'd still do my very best to be there for him because I love him a lot and him hurting, hurts me. But maybe your girlfriend is worse than I am?
10-11-10, 10:22 PM
JELEF

Quote:

Originally Posted by Danni85 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I'm not saying this is an excuse... But, having had some mental health problems myself, I do know that when I'm having a tough time of it in my head, I really can't deal with anyone else's issues. I know that sounds really selfish and I don't mean it to... I will try my best to be there for people. But sometimes it's just so hard trying to keep yourself from going under and it takes all of your energy... So there's not much left for anyone else.

I go through this as well. Some days I just haven't got anything left for anyone else and not really even enough for myself.

To the originating poster, maybe she's not sure how to show you support? It might sound absurd, but some people really don't know what other people need, want, or expect. If she loves you then I'd believe this is the case as support is part of love.