Hello, here is my sad story.
What it is, I am new here as you can see and if you take the time to read this I greatly appreciate it. I am 19, a virgin, in college, never been in a fight and uh....other than that all you'll really need to know I will talk about somewhere.
As my name suggests I am a really peculiar guy, partly due to extensive physchodelic drug use, and other drugs of course. Sobreity doesn't mean I will not act at all a little twisted. Anyway, I don't exactly have the highest self-esteem, confidence, etc. That's not to say I think nothing of myself, only that I have been known to be a loner. Depression and envy are feelings that I feel all too much. Anytime I see couples or groups, I wonder where I went wrong in establishing that. I completely regret my HS years. I have had two girlfriends but that isn't even worth getting into. I have many friends although sometimes bad things happen and they might become mad. Regardless, I don't have problems talking to strangers, only the type that can relate to my character, of course. But, girls I am stupified. When girls I have already checked out look at my eyes, the rush of energy, nervousness, blushing most definetely, almost like I just want her to say something to help me calm down. I know I just need to talk and be myself, it's very hard for me and I don't get it. I have ADHD but I haven't been perscribed med's or anything.
Should I?
When I am at school, it's seem impossible to talk to anybody (in my classes) at this point because I feel it would be so odd to just start being more friendly to people in a class that I haven't presented myself to well at all. Out in public I feel stupid talking to girls, but only if I'm alone. When I'm alone, most girls in my age group would travel in atleast pairs, usually, so it makes it that much harder for me to get over myself. At times I get mad, almost to the point where when I see things like a guy and two girls walking around I just want to make it harder for these hot chicks to look at him.
One day I was at a grocery store and this cute girl walked right by me. She looked at me as I looked at her and she smiled/smirked, I looked away for a second and looked back and she was still looking at me. I kept on walking. Now I say to myself, what is wrong with me to not atleast try. Another day at the mall I was using the pay phone, before I starting talking I heard this group of 3 girls talking about what to do. I heard one say "we'll find you a boyfriend." As if I am not desperate enough that was almost like a serving on a dish right? They were a little young, but maybe only by a few years. It didn't matter at that point, but I still had my conversation with the phone and then moved on. What came over me to not say something.
Guy's what would you have done/said if you were in either of those positions?
I have never been to clubs, but I am not much of that kind of a guy. I am willing to go though, it's just the music and the people at times is aweful to be around. Earlier today I was think of a bunch of sheisse to say but I can't remember most of it for the life of me now. I think I got most of it down so thanks for your comments.
