Is my girlfriend cheating on me? Please help.
Background: I don’t want to use real names, so I’ll use “Jane” for my girlfriend and “John” for the guy I’m suspicious of. Jane and I met online playing an MMORPG together back in early Feb. and quickly formed a solid relationship that has been going on for about 3 months now. You do not need to understand the game references below to understand the problem, just so you know.
Everything was fine for awhile, at least when it came to there being no doubt about us wanting to be together. We have even told each other that we love each other. The relationship is long-distance but not too far apart that we can’t see each other often. We’ve visited both ways several times now.
Over the course of the past month or so, I’ve noticed that Jane has been spending a great deal of time playing with John, a guild mate of hers that is on her raid team. Given the week, they spend about 9-12 hours raiding together. That is understandable and doesn’t bother me in and of itself. But every day they also group together just the two of them and do dailies together. Whenever Jane and I are able to do cross-realm things together that require more than two people, the first person she always invites is John. It’s like he’s always there. She always goes out of her way to try and help him, even when he doesn’t ask for help. For instance, she’ll ask him if he needs a particular achievement and if he says yes then she will try and organize a group to go do it. I know, because I’m usually one of the persons that she asks. I’ve almost always helped as a favor to her, even though it was really for him. If I ask her if she wants to do a raid with me and join my group and she’ll say yes, but then ask if there is room for John.
She talks about John all the time, especially when things are not going well between them. She’s complained to me that she doesn’t like how he logs out with saying goodnight or goodbye. She’s complained about how he never says thank you when we help him do stuff. She’s also complain to me about how he is like a robot when it’s just the two of them and they don’t speak (but when I’m in the group together with them those two chat quite a bit). She’s actually told me more than once that she hates him. I don’t understand why she is so nice to him and is always trying to help him if she hates him. I told her this once and she retracted it and just said it was tongue and cheek talk (meaning she said it out of anger). She said that they are not even friends and that the relationship was more like a business partnership.
Now here is where my suspicions have really started to elevate. This past Tue. night, Jane and I where on the phone and at one point in the conversation, I told her I love her. Nothing new, I’ve said it before and so has she. But this time she never said it back. I asked her about it and she got really defensive and said she shouldn’t have to say it just because I do. That went back and forth for a little bit and I finally asked her if she still loved me. She refused to answer it and again turned it back on me saying that I should question it and I should already know the answer to it. We got into a fight about this which ended before there was any resolve due to it being so late at night. This was the last time I actually spoke to her on the phone. Up until Tue., Jane and I spoke almost every day on the phone as well as texted each other multiple times. We haven’t done either in almost 5 days now. The only form of contact we’ve had is 3 emails and one brief exchange through game chat on Friday. She said that she needed time to herself to consider our relationship but didn’t consider this time apart as a separation.
Friday night, I noticed Jane and John spending even more quality time together and got really suspicious again. As of last week, she and John were not friends on Facebook. Just out of curiosity, I looked up John on Facebook Friday night and noticed that Jane was a mutual friend. I then looked at her page and she had changed her settings so that I couldn’t see her friends anymore. A very odd coincidence that she added him and changed her friends privacy settings at the same time. I gave in and told her of my suspicions and instead of flat out denying it or calling me crazy, she just said I wasn’t going to get her to admit to anything. I asked her about changing her FB settings and she said she changed it to clean up her timeline so it didn’t look so cluttered. She later did say that their relationship was just plutonic, she didn’t have feelings for him, he was 13 years younger than her and that he didn’t deserve my jealousy (I’m not exactly sure what that means).
I told her that since we both had off work on Monday that I’d like to come up and see her this weekend and spend some time together. She said she didn’t want to see me right now and was very adamant about it. She normally would’ve been very excited if I said I was coming up to see her but was really firm with not wanting me to come up this weekend. Yesterday (Sat.), they both logged on briefly in the afternoon to do dailies and then logged off at the exact same time and never returned. This is unusual because they are both highly active players that play every single night and for both of them not to be on at all last night is strange.
I know this may sound like I’m stalking but you have to understand that Jane is very bad at communicating things with me. I’m usually left having to fill in the blanks myself. She is a really private person and hates divulging information. I can’t help my suspicions here and rather than racking my brain to try and figure this out on my own and would love and outsiders, non biased point of view. My core suspicion is that something is brewing between these two. But right now, my main concern is that he is visiting with her this weekend and this is why she didn’t want me to come see her as well as why she hasn’t initiated in contact with me since Tuesday other that responses to me.
