Just putting my thought out there
so where to begin... I feel pretty crappy. I don't really know what I did wrong. I am confused and hurt. I really tried to
be a good guy, but where do I draw the line of making my own decisions rather than trying to please someone else? I feel a
little like I was kicked in the face. Did it really have nothing to do with me? or is that just her way of trying to hit me softly? I'm really not sure. I know we have had some great moments and I know I love her. I think she loves me too. It all gets very complicated. I know she needs space, I do too, everyone does. She likes to be free. I might even say she needs to be free. I want us both to be. Does loving and being with someone make them not free? I'd like to think not, but it is very difficult to say. Is it something I did? Is it something I said? Is it my personality? I do not know. Are our souls really good matches? I...think so? hope so? Am I trying to make something work that isn't going to? I really hope not. I'm pretty sure it will work out. I feel... like there was an umbilical cord going into my heart, and it was just ripped out with no warning. I really don't try to chain her down, or smother her if she doesn't want to be smothered. I just want her to know how much I care. Did my lack of words and over-smothering do this? I want to know why this chasm between us emerged. Did my lack of verbal communication send the wrong messages? Did my own stress and direction offend her when I was too dumb to notice? I know my suspicion offended her and I am very sorry. I never wanted to accuse her and I feel terrible about it. It's baffling to me, and He was back in the picture when I wasn't and I just thought... I thought she saw and remembered the things she loved about him, and realized they weren't in me. He is good person, I know that. So is she. But why did this break occur around him? Does she have a need I'm not forfilling? Or is it honestly just her needing seperation in general? I just don't understand how you could want to be with someone, but not want to see them. Yes yes I know, everyone needs time and space for themselves. I get the impression that she is mad at me, but she says she isn't. I thought she was leaving me, but she said she isn't. I really just want to know what I did wrong, because it seems obvious to me that I did something wrong, even if she says I didn't. But I haven't gotten any real answers and she says she needs space so I can't get the answers right now. It is very hard for me to come to peace with that. I just don't understand the whole situation. I think we still have a future together, but I am just having trouble figuring it out. I really wish she would just talk to about it. I would like to tell her all this but I do not want to make things worse by crowding her and being dramatic. I just want to be truthful (not only about my actions but about my thoughts as well) and for her to know where I'm coming from. I really want to know where she is coming from too. I just didn't see this coming and I am very confused and hurt.
I didn't really write this to get advise, mostly to let out my thoughts. Although, if you feel obliged to say something you are more then welcome.
